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Parking Would Be Difficult, Staying Alive Even Harder.

Dale Robertson is all over the blogosphere this morning. As reported at The Minority Report, Stix Blog, Mediaite, The Washington Post, and most importantly, right here at Redstate, Robertson’s PR flack sent out a press release yesterday touting his new position as Tea Party columnist for the Washington Times (full text below the fold). Yes, the “N-word sign” guy. Yikes.

As a result of the resultant blogstorm (one would assume), it appears the Times has pulled the article from their site. (Note: It’s back. See update below.) It was in the communities section. And therefore I have to wonder if the guy wasn’t doing what he does best: misrepresenting himself. He falsely claims to be the sole founder of the Tea Party movement. Why not falsely claim a position with a newspaper?

But wait. It gets better.

As Tabitha mentioned earlier, his self-hagiography at his site is mind-blowing. Seriously1. I died laughing while reading it. No I mean that. There were paramedics, I saw a light and everything. Died.

Don’t believe me? Well let’s all read together for a moment, shall we? I hereby present to you, Dale Robertson on Dale Robertson. On Dale Robertson: (emphasis added)

Dale Robertson recalls that momentous time…

“I left home in Texas on February 4th, 2009 and drove all night to Washington D.C., non-stop against my families, friends and wife’s wishes.

I slept only an hour that night and called my wife as I crossed into each state. The next evening on February 5th, 2009, I was in Washington D.C. on Pennsylvania Avenue protesting, alone and cold.

The urgency of my protest was due to the befuddled politicians gathering votes on the floor of the Senate and then on the floor of the House of Representatives. Their sightless determination to force an Unconstitutional Stimulus package through the Senate and then the House of Representatives, to me, was a death pill to all I hold dear, and I knew millions of Americans felt the same way.

In spite of the frigid weather, I stood my post. I was unprepared and improperly dressed to protest in below freezing conditions. I had brought my picnic table and chairs knowing this would not be easy, parking would be difficult, staying alive even harder. Still recovering from extensive knee surgery just 3 months before, I purposed in my heart to make my voice heard. I set-up my table and displays in one location after another across frozen Washington, D.C. holding high the flag for all disenfranchised American Citizens. It was very painful, but I am a Marine and could endure what was required of me by my Oath to Defend the Constitution.

Each night I would listen to the News and soon the news of my lone stand began to quietly spread through media circles. Glenn Beck heard of this new voice called the Tea Party and added his voice to the growing choir of voices, soon he created the 9/12 idea. My hat is off to him, Glenn Beck is a friend to the cause and a loyal Patriot bearing the weight for millions of those who are yet to speak.

“Parking would be difficult, staying alive even harder.” I can’t stop reading that line! Its so funny it makes staying alive even harder! Epic. Someone needs to submit it to Bulwer-Lytton this instant. I mean that. It’s destiny! Dark and stormy destiny.

Tommy Christopher, Tabitha Hale, Dave Weigel and the gang are all correct. This guy is off the reservation. And a despicable racist. A self-promoting, grandstanding, possibly delusional racist at that. I hope the fact that the Washington Times pulled that blog from their communities section means they’re washing their hands of this. Pulling the article would be difficult, staying straight-faced while reading it even harder.

You know what else is funny? The Coffee Party. No, seriously. Read the bylines.
(h/t @diggrbiii)

In closing, here is the full text of the press release. “Enjoy.”

TEA PARTY FOUNDER JOINS WASHINGTON TIMES COLUMN “THE TEA PARTY REPORTS”

(The Washington Times) – The Tea party founder: We’ve come to take our government back!

Tea Party Report by Tea Party Staff Reports

From The Tea Party Reports Staff:

Tuesday’s election results delivered a knock-out punch direct from the Tea Party itself. It was a punch that clearly said, “Beware incumbents all. Your days are numbered!” From Rand Paul’s victory to the defeat of the despicably self-interested shrew of a politician aptly named “Snarlin’ Arlen,” national tea party movement leaders saw the power of their grassroots movement reflected in the voters’ solid rejection of Washington’s insider politics, reckless spending, backroom deal-making, and playing paddycake with the U.S. Constitution. According to Dale Robertson, founder of Teaparty.org, sitting politicians have reason to worry come this November. We congratulate Mr. Robertson and others like him on their efforts.

Here is Robertson’s rundown of what took place in Tuesday’s elections…
Teaparty.org Founder Robertson Gives His Post-Tuesday Analysis

The writing on the wall is clear from Tuesday: the Tea Party will affect the outcomes of elections. Nations will prosper when they are led by honorable men. They will decline when it lacks them. We have been lacking far too long and the people are fed up.

Insurgent Senate candidate Rand Paul claimed the Republican nomination for the seat of retiring Kentucky Sen. Jim Bunning Tuesday evening, easily besting establishment favorite Trey Grayson, the sitting secretary of State who won the endorsement of Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

With nearly 85 percent of precincts reporting, Paul was drawing 59 percent of the vote to Grayson’s 35 percent a yawning lead over a candidate once viewed as a sure bet for his party’s nomination. In his victory speech, Paul applauded the tea party movement and issued a stern warning to the political establishment: “I have a message, a message from the tea party, a message that is loud and clear and does not mince words: We’ve come to take our government back.”

“The tea party movement is about saving the country from a mountain of debt that is devouring our country and that I think could lead to chaos,” Paul said grimly, laying into President Barack Obama for his participation in last year’s Copenhagen summit on global warming and accusing Obama of trying to “apologize for the industrial revolution.” Reactions to Paul’s nomination split sharply from the left and right. Former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, who endorsed Paul in the primary, called the election a wake up call in an interview with the Associated Press, describing the campaign as “an opportunity to not embrace the status quo but to shake things up.”

Democratic National Committee Chairman Tim Kaine painted the Kentucky race as a victory for the far-right Republican segment of the electorate calling Paul a nominee whose ideas are outside of the political mainstream. As the founder of Teaparty.org, I think Mr. Kaine should consider that the people of Kentucky chose Rand Paul, they did not choose his opponent. Does Mr. Kaine think that the people of Kentucky outside of the political mainstream?

Polls in Pennsylvania closed at 8 p.m. as party-switching Sen. Arlen Specter awaited the results of his duel with primary challenger Joe Sestak, a second-term congressman whose numbers surged in the final weeks of the campaign. With inclement weather threatening to depress turnout in the Specter-friendly Philadelphia area, ABC News reported that the longtime legislator visibly teared up after casting his ballot, but insisted: “I expect to vote many more times. I expect to be in the Senate for a long time yet.” However, thanks to the voters of Pennsylvania, Senator Specter will not have many more chances to cast additional votes. The voters went to the polls with his cynical comment about why he switched parties ringing in their ears. The people want true public servants. Rand is correct: It is time to take our country back.

Democratic Sen. Blanche Lincoln and her primary challenger, Lt. Gov. Bill Halter, spent the last day of the campaign tamping down expectations in a race that could go to a runoff if neither candidate breaks 50 percent of the vote. “We certainly hope to win today outright, but I do think it’s fair to point out that when you’ve been in a race 1 weeks and you’re taking on an 11-year incumbent, who has been a member of Congress for four years before that, by anybody’s reckoning, a runoff would be a victory for us,” Halter told reporters.

Lincoln said she’d be ecstatic one way or the other, whether we win right out or whether we go to a runoff. Though Senator Lincoln may be happy she extended her political shelf life with a runoff election, her vote in favor of Obamacare and her infamous payback known as the Louisiana Purchase, puts her in jeopardy and today she knows it.

What does all of this mean? What we have is the misdirected agendas of politicians who want to remain in office. That is what ails our nation and what has postponed real solutions. We want to make it clear we want a smart government that is streamlined and will honor the Constitution. We cannot afford to have leaders who waste our tax dollars to remain in office. Americans are suffering and therefore it is left up to us, “We the People,” to make a stand to restore our nation. That is what Americans showed they were willing to do in Tuesday’s elections and will do so again come November.

ABOUT DALE ROBERTSON

Dale Robertson is the Founder of the modern day Tea Party movement and the President of TeaParty.org. Dale is a family man living in Texas with his wife and five children. He is a retired military officer. He holds a Bachelor of Science Degree from the University of Washington in Political Science, as well as an Associate’s Degree from Southwestern College in Engineering. Dale Robertson is volunteering full time for the establishment of the Tea Party. His website can be found atwww.TeaParty.org.

The Tea Party Reports is edited by writers Bill Kelly and Laura Grock.

Source: http://communities.washingtontimes.com/neighborhood/tea-party-report/2010/may/19/tea-party-founder–take-our-government-back/

Staying alive even harder!!! BAH HA HA HA! Sigh. Good times, good times.

UPDATE: He’s baaaack! (h/t Black River Wolf.) But now fully disclaimed:

DISCLAIMER: The Tea Party Reports is edited by Bill Kelly and Laura Grock and features numerous independent voices in today’s Tea Party movement. Tea Party guest submitters are in no way affiliated with The Washington Times and do not necessarily reflect the views of any other person other than the contributor (- 5/21/2010).

PS: Remember when he said the thing about staying alive being harder than parking? That was awesome.

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