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State Of The Union Prom Dates

At this week’s State of the Union address, those cards in the House and Senate are going to be a little more shuffled than usual. It seems in the interest of newing up the tone and de-rhetoricizing, the boys and girls have decided to find themselves speech buddies from across the aisle. Yes, in a move certain to send shivers of intimidation down the spines of our enemies, our wise politicians are pairing up across party lines to prove they are all in it together, standing strong in solidarity against the will of the people.

It will, of course, fix everything. Unfortunately though, it seems some unlucky legislators are having a tough time finding a date for the prom:

One senator says pressure to find a bipartisan seatmate for SOTU has touched off a frenzy as lawmakers scurry for acceptable dates.

I started wondering how they were going about this process and then it hit me: internet dating sites!!! And it turns out I was right! And now I will reveal to the world some of what I discovered at …
CongressionalMatch.com!

Let’s look at a few screenshots from some prominent politicians looking for that special someone to get non-vitriolic with.

This first one sort of scared me:


Some people just can’t let go:


Username mystery solved?


This one’s been in the news lately, mein damen und herren:


I got a little choked up:


That’s … that’s just sad:


Sadder:


Saddest:


Um …

Thanks to Iowahawk for discovering the Kremulakian plot in the first place!

Of course, that was just a sample. I’m sure more will surface over time. Until then, it’s just a waiting game to see who gets the biggest corsage. My money’s on Waxman.

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