« BACK  |  PRINT

RS

FRONT PAGE CONTRIBUTOR

Not Just The Crazy Train – But High Speed Rail!

“One thing that I do know is his having grown up in Kenya, his view of the Brits, for example, (is) very different than the average American,” Mr Huckabee said,

(HT: UK Telegraph)

Today, for reasons various and sundry, I drove into work spitting nails and pining for some bureaucratic arse to play some cubical soccer with. I managed to be polite to the gate guard – in a forced and terse manner. When I find myself feeling that angry, I seek catharsis by listening to loud, hard rock as I drive like Dale Earnhardt’s Iniquitous Poltergeist through the pre-dawn gloaming of The soul-numbing Big Empty.

I heard Ozzy screech about Mr. Crowley, and then, right then, the devil told me I would be blogging about my least favorite GOP Presidential Candidate. Today may not be the day that oceans recede, but it will be the day that I invoke my passion to explain why nominating Mike Huckabee to run for President would consign the entire GOP to Permanent Member Status in the John Birch Society.

Huckabee’s recent yapping about the anti-anglican brainwashing President Obama ostensibly received as an impressionable, young boy in Kenya made me want to reach for the nearest plastic grocery bag. It tempted me to recycle a few recently-consumed produce items. His quote brings forth Teh Stupid in a manner that couldn’t possibly be misinterpreted in kindest way possible. It was almost on a level of the Alabama GOP passing a resolution to thank Governor George Wallace for all the wonderful things he did for our great state.

Now I know it’s uncivil to call a man of God like Reverend Mike a fire-breathing racist, but I’m struggling with the euphemisms this fine morning, so bear with me please. Maybe Huckabee just has a policy-driven problem with Kenyan upbringings. Perhaps, but I think he plays right into the hands of every Liberal in America would rather talk about concealed racism than gasoline prices. Huckabee has gone beyond rationality and into the cuckoo-land of Nutjobistan.

He needs to hop on a 747, fly across the Pacific, and go help Governor Abercrombie find the birth certificate. It’s out there somewhere – along with The Singularity, The Philosophers’ Stone and The Holy Grail. It would give Mike Huckabee something to do while the GOP nominates an adult to run for the Presidency.

Like releasing murderous felons, who lie and claim they’ve done found Jesus in The Jailhouse, this comment demonstrates the preposterous lack of judgment that Mike Huckabee would bring with him to The White House. Oh, and he also helped the Arkansas State legislature raise taxes the last time he held a position of executive power.

Let’s see…turns loose murdering felons, raises taxes because more government is such a good thing. I vaguely remember voting against some guy who ran for The White House on just such a platform. Oh, that’s right! I remember now. It was Michael Dukakis. If we sent to The Duke to seminary school, and had him ordained, do you think the GOP should nominate him in 2012?

Michael Dukakis quoted an interesting Greek aphorism in his failed quest of a Presidential Campaign. I believe he remarked that a fish begins rotting from the head. After reading Huckabee’s detour into Nutsville over Barack Obama’s Manchurian, oops, I mean Kenyan upbringing, I find this to be a mildly disgusting metaphor for what would happen to the GOP if we nominated Huckabee to run for President.

Mike Huckabee is a fop, a charlatan, and a ridiculously enstupidated and unqualified buffoon. We have just that sort of a dishonest and unqualified idiot in The White House already, why fire the devil we already know?

Having grown up in the American South myself, I profoundly detest Huckabee’s condescending idea that he can just drop in some subtly racist remark about President Obama and the Southern White Males will show up at his campaign events. He must have actually believed Kathleen Parker’s detestable column about Sarah Palin and the dog-whistles.

In conclusion, in case I’ve been too subtle with the nuance or something, I strongly admonish, neigh beg you, to NOT support Mike Huckabee. I find myself profoundly insulted and offended when struts around pretending to be Foghorn Leghorn. He genuinely believes that trashing Barack Obama’s childhood in an African nation will make me follow him like an ignorant, racially bigoted zombie. Mike Huckabee is not just the GOP’s ticket to the Crazy Train. He’s the futurist version that involves high speed rail.

Get Alerts