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Variety Tells Us There Is No Santa Claus

A pompous jerk named Brian Lowry, who is billed as a “TV columnist” at Variety and carries the Freudian Twitter handle @blowryontv, has written a column called Dear ‘Duck Dynasty’ Fans: You Do Know It’s All Fake, Right?

In it he does the equivalent of telling us rubes in flyover country that a television show is, get ready for it, STAGED. IT IS FAKE, YOU BIBLE THUMPING MORONS.

Which only prompts one to wonder whether these people really know whom exactly it is they’re defending.

However real and natural it might appear, “Duck Dynasty” is a sitcom. Not all the dialogue is written, but as even the Robertsons freely admitted on the “Today” show, “They come up with ideas and we just get to be ourselves in the situation.”

That’s right, when we defend a man, who is an elder in his church, for being fired because he stated Christian orthodoxy in an interview we don’t know why we do it. But it is probably because we don’t know that what we’re watching on television isn’t 100% real.

The mind just freakin’ boggles as the incomprehensible arrogance of this asshat. No one is defending Phil Robertson because of his character on a reality television show. We are defending the man because we all know we could be next.

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