FRONT PAGE CONTRIBUTOR
READ THIS POST! READ IT! DID YOU READ IT YET? YOU SHOULD READ IT!!
If You Don't Read It, I'll Have To Make A Hard Sell
Yesterday, tee hee the President spoke about yesterday’s oh man, about the .. about the Obamacare deadline and mentiohah ha ha ha h ah ah ah aha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. *dies*
April Fool’s Day joke goes here.
I have heard some pretty outrageous whoppers in my time. I once had a guy tell me he took out the Yakuza. Like, all of them. True story. But this … well this just takes the cake.
Let me rephrase that. This bakes the cake, lovingly crafts it into a cake masterpiece, marries the cake, has cupcakes with the cake, gets divorced when the cake starts dating someone younger, takes the cake hostage, chains the cake up in the basement for five years, and then dies in a shootout with cops trying to rescue the cake, uttering with the last breath “let them eat cake” before pressing the detonator and blowing the cake to smithereens. This smithereens the cake. Literally.
I don’t want to say that President Obama told a preposterous and intelligence-insulting lie before the whole world, but if he wasn’t lying then he is the world’s most accomplished knower of nothing. Epic, record-setting buffoonery, or devious monstrous lie? Either way, it ain’t Sunday School material.
In a super subtle jab at the Koch brothers that was so fiendishly clever it was practically subliminal, Obama says they didn’t have to spend billions of dollars pitching Obamacare. Well no, Mr. President, you didn’t have to spend a dime of your money. You spent taxpayer money. But that’s really a quibble. You didn’t have billions of dollars of commercials? That’s one pretty specific form of advertising, Mr. President. Let’s talk hard sell.
I mean honestly. You didn’t make a hard sell?? In what universe are the OFA ads, the thousands of carefully crafted tweets, the celebrity endorsements, the endless speeches by the President and every other democrat in every city, county, state, region, principality, protectorate, bus station, nebula, star cluster, dimension and PLANE OF EXISTENCE EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE THEY FIRST PULLED OBAMACARE OUT OF THEIR COLLECTIVE NO NO AREAS NOT A HARD SELL???
Pitching from every rooftop and every television and every station. Is that a hard sell?
I’m sorry. I probably seem agitated. I should get some Obamacare for that.
But I’m asking. Is having Ellen say America owes our thanks to Obama for this program a hard sell? Are campaign ads touting Obamacare a hard sell? Are dozens and dozens of town halls a hard sell? Are the hours of free air time from MSNBC, including ridiculous ad campaigns for the network touting Obamacare, a hard sell? Are the hundreds of “viral” content pushes a hard sell? Are sports legends telling you to Get Covered a hard sell? Is Valerie Jarrett hocking her wares in Hollywood a hard sell? IS THAT a hard sell? Tell me! Tell me what a hard sell is!
I guess maybe I just don’t know what a hard sell is. This one time, I was trying to shop for a new car. One of the salesmen took us for a test drive. He guided us out to a remote farm location. As we sat in the parked car, men in masks came out carrying shotguns. They forced us to watch them slaughter a pig. Then they brought out a puppy wearing a sign that said “please buy the car.” They held him where the pig was moments before. I don’t remember what happened next, but I love my new car.
Is that what you mean by hard sell? If so, then I guess you’re right. Obama never held me at gunpoint and threatened to slaughter a puppy before my eyes. Way to go, chief. That’s some real restraint.