FRONT PAGE CONTRIBUTOR
Why Can’t Western Washington University Get Rid of Pesky White People?
The Strange Things We Learn From Brilliant Academic Minds.
“Every year, from this stage and at this time, you have heard me say that, if in decades ahead, we are as white as we are today, we will have failed as university,”
Western Washington University President, Bruce Shepard
Like Disgraced Democratic Party Governor George Wallace, Western Washington University President Bruce Sheppard is a man of power and iniquity. Like Governor Wallace, his mind is seemingly closed to people who have physical characteristics such as skin color that offend his rather bigoted sensibilities. But rather than argue and fight with this charlatan of the diversity racket; I thought I’d flip the script a little. I’m offering him suggestions on how he can fight the dreaded Power of Pallor.
It all starts in The President’s Office. The leader of an organization represents its values. That leader is a living, breathing symbol. So if you want to get rid of the Caucasian Infestation, you have to fire the HCIC* first to set the proper example. Oh wait…
Bruce Shepard began service as the 13th President of Western Washington University on September 1, 2008.
OK, so maybe he’s not completely committed to diversity. He’ll diversify your sorry butt out of job or an admission slot, but not his own. In that case, there are still ways he can forge his own version of the rainbow. Here’s a time-honored method by which he can ram his task force on diversity and inclusiveness down your throat. It all begins with a silly, little short story written in 1961 by Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. The story was entitled “Harrison Bergeron,” and it tells President Shepard exactly how to rid his bucolic campus of the vulgar Caucasian Persuasion.
The year was 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren’t only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.
Opening paragraph of Harrison Bergeron.
Now having a Handicapper General seems like strong medicine. However, Gropenfuhrer Shepard does seem perturbed by The Caucasian Problem and all that it implies. He offers the following complaint against the unbearable whiteness of being. “In the decades ahead, should we be as white as we are today, we will be relentlessly driven toward mediocrity; or, become a sad shadow of our current self,” he wrote. Oh, the pale and limpid humanity!
Now before he lets himself get blinded by the white, President Shepard should ask himself something. Why aren’t people of color even interested in attending his school? Anyone with a 20 ACT/1450 SAT and a 3.0 GPA has strong odds on getting in.
They admit over 75% of their applicants. If Blacks, Hispanics, and Asians even wanted to go to Western Washington, they’d only have to stay awake during the college prep track at an adequate public high school to get in. How do I break it to the man gently? This place isn’t Harvard.
He could have any student body he chose to admit -if they were willing to come. Maybe these prized minority students are staying away because they are smart enough to. I’ll totally forgive their prejudice if they choose to avoid hypocritical white power figures like Western Washington University President Bruce Shepard.
*Head Caucasoid In Charge.