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If Romney Wins, Expect These Headlines

2012:

“Obama Blames Romney “Lies” in First Debate For Loss”

“Matthews Critical But Stable, Maddow Missing, Shultz In Rehab”

“CIA Blows Whistle On Benghazi, Panetta Calls Them ‘Unpatriotic’”

“Park Service Employees Not Needed For Inauguration Clean Up, Tea Party Blamed”

“Golf Courses Prepare For Obama Absence, Look To Borrow To Make Up Shortfall”

2013

“Obama’s Policies Kick In, Economy Turns Around”

“Media Admits To Coddling Obama, Vows To Press Romney”

“Homelessness Decreases Under Romney, Democrats Blame Tent Shortage”

“Will Increase In Optimism, Hope Lead To Disappointment?”

2014

“Economy Surges, Unemployment Down – Another Bubble In The Making?”

“Weiner, Wife Join Muslim Sisterhood”

“Cuba ‘Not All That Great’ Says Maddow Upon Returning”

“Increased Family Incomes Cause Stress, Arguments”

2015

“Unemployment Surges 0.1% to 4.4%”

“Economy Stagnates at 4.6% GDP Growth”

“Low Gas Prices Blamed For Rise In Animals Killed On Road”

“Baumgartner Hits Relic Wind Turbine On Latest Dive, Romney Blamed”

“Krugman Upset About Budget Surpluses, Warns U.S. Not To Pay Off China”

2016

“Egypt Revises Constitution To Reflect Western Values, Ginsberg Decries ‘Terrible Mistake’”

“Iran Admits Nuclear Program Had Duel Use, But Had Planned To Sell Electricity To America If Obama Re-elected”

“U.N. Secretary General Obama Says Wealthy Nations Not Paying ‘Fair Share’”

“Biden Dem Nominee, Picks Bernie Sanders As VP”

“Democrat Base Holes Up In San Fransisco, Begs For Relief From Bankruptcy”

“Mothballed Lenin Statue Moves To Detroit, Remaining Residents Vow To Continue Socialist Policies”

 

COMMENTS

  • westcoastpatriette

    Very creative, Jack_Savage. My fav is #2. Maddow missing and Schultz in rehab. Hahaha.

    • chrisinva

      I agree.

    • Jack_Savage

      I am going to put them on the prayer list. No telling what might happen if things don’t go their way…

  • chbroussard

    Very good, Mr. Savage, very good. I’d like to add one to 2012:
    Debbie Wasserman-Schultz defeated in Florida. Joins Stephanie Cutter in a remake of “Thelma and Louise”.

    • Jack_Savage

      Ha! Thelma and Louise “Live”

  • irishgirl

    Nice!

  • Ausonius

    I recall too well Schumer and Pelosi and Reid fulminating about the 4-5% unemployment economy under W. Bush as “one of the worst economies in American History.” It was a “jobless” economy, an economy helping only the rich, etc.

    So, sure, the Orwellian Humpty-Dumptyesque language will continue no matter the result.