My three year old calls Ann “Wonder Woman.” She’s taking the stage at CPAC — introduced by Tom DeLay (leftist heads begin exploding now).

I’ll live blog the speech. Stay tuned . . .

She enters the hall to “We Will Rock You.”

The crowd loves her. “I’ve bee watching the MSNBC coverage of CPAC. Is there any other network where you know every host was at the alternative prom?”

She calls the media the government “guard dog” except Olbermann and Matthews who are government lap dogs.

“The media compared Obama to Jesus. I lost a bet. They do know who Jesus is. But as the leader of twelve apostles, even Jesus had more executive experience than Obama.”

“Apparently the media likes carpenters. It’s plumbers they hate.”

“Obama’s first word sounded like ‘entitlement.’”

“That right there proves the whole Jesus thing wrong. Would Jesus have had a play date with Damien?”

“I guess that’s the end of Obama’s honeymoon with the press. He’s not Jesus. Now he’s just Lincoln.”

“And I forget. How many times did Lincoln vote present?”

“Obama voted present over 100 times. The only time he wasn’t present was when Rev. Wright gave one of those hate filled speeches.”

“The press called Lincoln a baboon. If only Al Sharpton had been around, Lincoln would have known he was a victim of racism.”

“The press is still talking about the fist bump Lincoln gave Mary Todd the night he won the nomination. It was a big night for Mary Todd. She was finally proud of her country.”

“Wait until the press finds out that Obama sleeps through the night without wetting himself.”

“The one thing the press knows about Lincoln is that he put rivals on his cabinet. I’m not sure buying Clinton’s cabinet at fire sale prices is the same thing.”

“Obama’s basic message . . . was bringing people together. I’ve heard that speech since I was about nine years old. Even Richard Nixon . . . gave a speech in 1968 saying he saw a little girl holding a sign that read ‘bring us together again.’”

The theme is not new.

“If Obama thinks the people really want change, wait till 2012.”

“I think we all know where Clinton’s place called hope is. [pause] Anywhere Hillary isn’t.”

“Obama has the entire media, the European Union, and Oprah on his side. A poll in Germany said 80% of Germans liked Obama over McCain and we all know how infallible Germans are at picking leaders.”

“Meanwhile we were running John McCain. It’s amazing he lost by only 7% instead of 75%. Obama beating McCain is like George Foreman beating Helen Thomas in the seventh round on a technical knockout.”

“It’s amazing the media keeps comparing Obama to Lincoln and Reagan. The press apparently can’t think of a Democrat worthy enough to compare him to.” The house goes wild.

She says history shows that the public opinion of Republican Presidents always goes up and Dem Presidents always go down.

In Q&A, she got in a dig at John Edwards again. “Obama was asked what he would do if three U.S. cities were simultaneously hit by an attack. He said he’d send ambulances. John Edwards said he’d be right behind them chasing them. This shows how different I am from Obama. My first response would be ‘which three cities.’”