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By RightMichigan.com Posted in Barack Obama | Big Government | Breaking News | Liberals | Michigan | UAW | www.RightMichigan.com — Comments (1) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »

Cross-posted on Right Michigan at www.RightMichigan.com.

(The relevance of this particular graphic is coming... promise...)

Most days you don't have to look far in Michigan news to find a ridiculous headline or a story about behavior that defies logic and common sense.  And that's not a dig on the mainstream media.  Sure, they're responsible for a laughable or frustrating choice of words from time to time but you work with what you're given, you know?  They can only report on what's happening out there (in theory) and it's usually our fair State and the good folks running it who create the ridiculous situations they cover.  

We've got a UAW striking a major auto parts manufacturer already teetering on the brink of insolvency over the union bosses' pathological need to wring tears from a stone.

We've got Fieger Time himself, Geoff Fieger, Michigan Dems' one-time hero and supposed savior developing a persecution complex and claiming at his own trial that the FBI is `out to get him.'

Do we even need to mention the Mayor of Detroit?  You've read the text messages. (I assume.  If you haven't, don't.  Blech.)

The latest?  We have the Democrat mayor of the largest city in Michigan, one of the biggest cities in the United States, embroiled in a sex scandal that apparently led to the illegal firing of potential whistle blowers.  We have a Detroit City Council split over their support for the man and now being advised by legal counsel that though the Mayor should be forced from office they shouldn't be the ones forcing him.  That should be the State's Democrat governor... Jennifer Granholm.  Who, for her part, is laid up following emergency surgery to remove a bowel obstruction.

It's like bad satire.  Could you make that stuff up?

But all of that... every last goofy story fails to come anywhere close to the sheer, unadulterated ridiculousness of the first couple paragraphs of the story under this morning's attention grabbing Associated Press headline proclaiming Genesee County Reports Surge in Syphilis Cases.

Flint-area health officials say they're monitoring a surge in cases of syphilis and are urging prostitutes, their customers and people with many partners to practice safer sex and get tested.

The Genesee County Health Department reported Monday that it knew of 41 cases of syphilis in the county of 442,000 since the start of the year. It says that's 20 times the number of cases in the same period last year.

Just so we're clear on the math, 41 divided by 20 is 2.05.  I think we can assume there wasn't five-one-hundredths of a Grand Blanc resident trotting around with the disease so let's just assume they meant that this time last year there were only TWO new known cases of the stuff floating around the county.  Why the dramatic "20 times the number of cases" lingo?  Probably because twenty is a bigger, scarier number than two.  I'm assuming.  Who knows.  

But it's that first paragraph that's really the winner here.

Flint-area health officials are worried about the good people of Flint and her surrounding suburbs contracting a potentially fatal sexually transmitted disease and the best they can come up with is to alert the media that they're "urging" prostitutes, johns, swingers, womanizers and sundry other sexual deviants to "practice safer sex."

WHAT?!

Hey, I know this is twenty-first century America and we're a wanna-be progressive blue state and all that but Flint isn't Berkley or freaking San Francisco.  Apparently the PC police are out in full swing.  Hookers.  Practice safer sex.  Swingers, you too.  Otherwise you might die.

These quasi-government agencies fashion themselves the protectors of the people, right?  They do these studies, they issue these "warnings" and they claim they're trying to help.  Mission failed.  Let me draw a parallel.  

We're standing on the side of the road.  Say we're in mid-Michigan on I-69 at the height of rush hour.  And it's an especially busy day.  And the Governor's cut another dozen State Police troopers to help pay for that fancy new building they're getting so there aren't any patrols and drivers are flying, paying absolutely no attention to the speed limit.

Traffic is thick.  I mean, THICK.  Like, 20 times thicker than earlier in the day.  And we're standing there.  A big group of us.  But there's a problem... we need to get to the other side of the six lanes.  But how to do it...

A couple of rocket scientists decide they have an idea... they'll just run across six lanes of high speed highway traffic.  They really REALLY need to get to the other side.  I mean, they're jonesing.  Maybe they haven't been to the other side in a loooooong time.  Maybe their wives and girlfriends don't let them cross the street at home these days.  I don't know.  But they are dying to cross the street.

And away from the shoulder they step.  One by one.  And one by one... WHAM!  SMASH!  CRASH!  BOOM!  We've got bodies flying.  Limbs being torn off.  Brains on windshields.  I mean, it's an unholy mess.  Blood everywhere.  Like... forty-one instant fatalities.  Painful, sloppy, gory, blood and guts and puss everywhere.  But traffic's still moving at a really good clip.  

The rest of us, we're on the side of the road watching, horrified.  Now common sense would seem to indicate at this point that crossing a fast-moving six-lane highway on foot in the middle of rush hour isn't the smartest thing to do.  But there's a big chunk of knuckle-heads who are still pretty convinced it won't happen to them.  They need to get to the other side like it's some kind of a drug and they're going to try their own mad dash.

And along come the police on foot patrol, ready to save the day.  (For my fellow public school graduates, in this particular metaphor they're the Genesee County Health Department...)  They've made it their job to protect the people.  They fight for truth, justice and the American way.  Like Superman.  Except they're PC idiots.  They looks at the blood soaked highway and the cars flying by at 90, 100 miles per hour and they looks at the next pack of kids ready to rush head first into traffic and they stop them for a moment.  

"Make sure you look both ways before you cross the street," they proclaim, with an air of self righteousness and magnanimity.  Not "STOP this madness and cross over at the lights on the surface streets."  Not "if you run out into traffic there's a good chance something really rotten is going to happen to you so please don't do it."  Not "what are you people thinking?!"  

Look both ways.

And off run the next batch.  SMASH!!!

I understand the desire to be PC.  I know we're living in a world where we're not allowed to offend people anymore.  And I also know that that's garbage.  Safer sex?  Watching the syphilis rate jump by 2,000% in the course of a year (I can use bigger numbers too) isn't cool and it demands better than "look both ways."  So let me try...

Prostitutes--Stop selling your bodies for sex.

Johns--Stop paying prostitutes for sex.

Swingers--Stop swinging.

Womanizers--Respect women and stop notching that bed post.

Bottom line for everyone--I've got a guaranteed, 100%, sure fire way to ensure you never contract syphilis... if you're not married and with your husband or wife then keep it in your freaking pants!  It might not be PC but I'm willing to wager it beats the heck out of the siff.  And unlike the Genesee County Health Department I'm willing to tell you the truth, straight up.