I’m torn.

…once you allow for the fact that fame is an important qualifier in determining a Senate appointment, it opens all sorts of doors that were previously shut, barricaded, and under 24-hour armed guard. Which is why I’m officially calling for Gov. David Paterson to name Lou Reed as the next junior Senator from New York.

The former lead singer/songwriter of the Velvet Underground and occasional genius is, to me, the quintessential New Yorker. His soul is that of the city, so who better to represent its many millions of inhabitants?

Hell, Reed’s just the man for our times! Witness his speaking out against the greedy corporate class. (”Through all that’s been heard nothing sinks quite as low as the prominent statements of prominent men.” You speak for us all, Lou.) See his evocative defense of the hard-scrabble life of blue-collar workers. (”Some people work very hard,but still they never get it right.” Well-played, Sen. Reed. Well-played.) Watch as he confronts the horrors of drug-addled dope fiends and the all-possessing agony of addiction. (”Heroin, be the death of me. Heroin, it’s my wife, and it’s my life.” Oh, Lou, your words ring true now more than ever.)

On the one hand, I applaud the acknowledgment that Caroline Kennedy lacks any legitimate qualification to serve in the U.S. Senate (apart from having shrewdly chosen to be born to the right parents). On the other, it’s increasingly difficult to take any liberal seriously on the matter of qualifications for public office — considering most regard Obama as qualified for the presidency, Sarah Palin as unqualified, and Caroline Kennedy as qualified.

And of course, if you’re going to send Lou Reed to the Senate from New York, how about appointing a non-controversial entertainer from Illinois to Obama’s seat. I’m thinking of Wilmette’s own Carl Spackler…