The David Axelrod Seal of Approval
When I first heard the announcement that Paul Ryan had been tabbed as Mitt Romney’s Vice Presidential pick, I was unsure how I felt about that choice. I knew that Ryan was considered an up and coming star in the Republican Party. I also knew that he was considered a pretty solid conservative, though I wasn’t up to date on all of his positions. There were still a lot of unknowns out there, however, and I needed to learn more.
Based on everything I had read and heard, Ryan was obviously a very bright guy, at least as bright as one can be if you are a conservative republican. Conservatives, it seems, are always idiots, even when they have the best credentials and go to the best schools. Apparently, there are special remedial degrees offered at Harvard and Yale that are specifically for these under-progressive people. You know, sort of like football players majoring in Basket Weaving or Women’s Studies. For instance, did you know that Ivy League schools offer a “Politics for Dummies 101” course, and the “So, You Want to be a Right Wing Fascist” track. Most importantly, in these universities, conservatives all have to take special self-defense courses, such as “How to Avoid Progressive Cult Indoctrination” and my favorite “The Media is Not Your Friend.” Unfortunately for the country, John McCain flunked that course. Anyway, even based on liberal criteria, Ryan is about as bright as you can be for a conservative.
Next, I decided to check with a number of my sources to see how they were viewing this choice. In general, the reviews were very positive, especially from those whose opinions I respect the most. However, I still had this nagging feeling that I was missing something. Then I remembered a quip from Rush Limbaugh. Rush often says, “Lib’s will always tell you who they fear the most. So, just listen to what they have to say.” That was it. Before I could really form an opinion, I had to see how the opposition was spinning Ryan. My strategy was simple, I would listen to the people whose opinion I respected the least, and then make my decision. Believe me, it’s not easy sorting out who is on the bottom of that particular list, but I did the best I could.
Andrea Mitchell, who rates a less than zero on my “respectometer” said, “This is not a pick for women. This is not a pick for suburban moms.” Yes, Mrs. Alan Greenspan apparently speaks for, and has the pulse of women and suburban moms everywhere. Actually, she doesn’t appear to have much of a pulse of any kind, but that’s just my opinion. Chris Matthews, on the other hand, said, oh who cares what Chris Matthews said. Suffice it to say that he did not feel a thrill up his leg. Hopefully, however, he will soon be feeling a cold chill running own his spine, as his beloved Obama is defeated. Speaking of Obama, he said something to the effect that Ryan was a nice guy, but he held a fundamentally different view of how the country should be dictated to, I mean governed. Thank heavens. Any agreement, in any way, shape, or form with the Obama Vision would be a deal breaker for me.
At this point I was feeling much better, but I had still had not heard from the really big gun. After all, who cares what Obama’s teleprompter writes, when you can hear what Obama’s Brain, David Axelrod, has to say. The Axe did not let me down. In his most slimy and condescending voice, Axelrod informed us that Paul Ryan is a “Certifiable right wing ideologue.”
Well, that did it. The question is resolved. If Paul Ryan has David Axelrod’s unabashed Seal of Disapproval, he is the candidate for me.