So, the hard-left media is all a-dither over Michele Bachman’s headaches.

Oh, yes: We must get to the bottom of THIS–, and quickly, too! Not a moment to spare, before she gains more traction. If there’s one mission the leftist-media complex must pursue with dogged, rabid determination, it’s that NO strong, accomplished conservative woman should ever be allowed to peer above the fox-hole: They must be destroyed at all costs.

Including coherent reportage.

Yep, Michele Bachman gets migraines. These headaches, evidently, send her scurrying for the Ralpax. And, of course, the nearly-silent whispers are that she is menopausal. Can you imagine? This alone should scuttle any conservative woman between the age of 45 and 70. Whatever you do, don’t let Sarah Palin into the White House when she’s getting a hot flash! She might nuke the the world.

But, I guess it’s all on the table now. The hardcore Leninist Left must investigate everything.

Except, of course, Barack Obama’s past cocaine use that evidently was so out of control his is still hiding his medical records and college transcripts. That is off the table. Certainly no investigative reporter over at ABC has any interest in that, er, youthful indiscretion.

Also off-limits is John Kennedy’s Addison’s disease, that, by 1963 was so advanced that it was outstripping the ability of his cortisone injections to manage it well. But, hey, the press hid that from everyone– even though John Connolly knew about it as early as 1959, and tried to bring it up as a campaign issue, but was, er, “prevailed upon” to drop it, if he wanted any support from from Lyndon Johnson in Mr. Connolly’s quest to be Texas governor. Nope; that Addison’s was really just the hero of PT-109 suffering from another flare-up in his Malaria. Wink, wink. 

And what of Landslide Lyndie? He suffered from debilitating gall bladder attacks, and even suffered from them during the 1964 campaign. Did he ever miss a vote after a greasy breakfast, I wonder? They would double him over, and sideline him for hours at a time. I would assume, by the new standard being applied to Mrs. Bachmann that this would certainly disqualify a conservative woman. But, not a leftist iconic Senatorial maestro like LBJ.  

Likewise, I assume the stroke that Woodrow Wilson suffered would instantly disqualify Mrs. Bachmann. But, when you are trying to shoehorn the United States into some grand, trans-national liberal fantasy organization like the League of Nations, like Wilson was, then, the likes of ABC News would have no interest in plumbing the depths of the severity of President Wilson’s stroke. No; they’d just let Edith Galt politely check them at the door of the White House, and they’d walk away pleased that at least they’d they’d tried to get an audience with the great Progressive Wilson.

And certainly polio would disqualify Michele Bachman. It merits a portion of the Roosevelt memorial in Washington, DC, though, for the great Lion of Leftisim, Franklin Roosevelt. We certainly wouldn’t want to investigate too thoroughly the severity of Roosevelt’s various maladies, either, when he was going after a fourth Democrat nomination in 1944. Why, even though he had to sit down to deliver a message to a joint session of congress after the summit at Yalta, that was no reason to suspect he wasn’t up to the task of the Presidency. No, sir. But, if Michele Bachmann has to sit down because her head hurts, that disqualifies her. I think FDR actually died of a headache, but, we’ll let that one go…

Would a diagnosis of cancer sideline Michele Bachmann? Well, certainly, in the fevered minds of the Left. But, it cast a near-angelic halo over Paul Tsongas when he campaigned in 1988 and 1992 as a survivor of non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Did he ever miss a vote in because of chemotherapy, I wonder? And, cancer didn’t sideline the Democrat Grover Cleveland, either, who campaigned stridently against the Sherman act in 1892, and, even though he knew he had something seriously wrong with his mouth, didn’t ever reveal the surgery to remove a verrucous carcinoma in early 1893. Passage of a gold-purchase scheme was as important to the Democrats’ fantasies of an ever-expanding government at the end of the 19th century as unending deficit spending is today at the beginning of the 21st.

No, we must make sure to destroy any conservative woman. They are a menace. But these amazing, brilliant, iconic leaders from the Left must be guarded and protected ad infinitum.

No questions asked.