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The Day After The Presidential Election — These Four Scenarios Could Be Satire or Maybe Not

One of the following scenarios might just accurately predict the news coverage the day after the presidential election. (These scenarios are in no particular order of probability.)

Scenario 1

President Obama narrowly wins reelection with Ohio’s 18 electoral votes bringing him across the finish line. The final electoral vote total is Obama 273 and Romney 261.

Republicans are crying foul and heading to court based on rumors involving the suspected use of “Obama Phones” in election tampering.

Apparently, users of these phones were instructed to press the pound key while voting for Obama. Then, Obama Phones emitted a signal effectively doubling their vote. This hi-tech sabotage explains why the number of votes Obama received actually outnumbered registered voters in Ohio counties where Obama Phones were known to be most prevalent.

Attorney General Eric Holder, addressing this irregularity at a press conference today said, “Rumors of Obama Phones emitting vote doubling signals are a fast and furious reaction by Republican losers to the President’s honest, hard fought victory financed by millions of average Americans without a trace of foreign funding.

Scenario 2

Governor Mitt Romney wins by a landslide, victorious in all states except Illinois, California, Massachusetts and Vermont.

Whoa, how did this happen? Was it Romney’s debate performance against an empty chair? Did Obama’s Solyndra powered halo finally lose its afterglow? Not even UnSkewed Polls predicted a victory of this magnitude.

As a result, Chris Matthew’s legs have gone so numb that he can no longer feel his last Obama tingle.

Respected conservative media pundits are attributing Romney’s unexpected landslide victory to what they are calling “Obama Poll Paranoia” reminiscent of the “Bradley Effect.”

The theory is that droves of independent Caucasian voters who once supported Obama told pollsters they were voting for him again, while secretly voting for Romney. Exit poll data reveals voters feared pollsters would think they were racist – while really thinking Obama was just a lousy president.

Today, groups of elite mainstream media pundits are still in meetings trying to coordinate their group talking points and lame excuses for being so out of touch with real Americans.

Scenario 3

Governor Mitt Romney narrowly defeats President Obama by winning Ohio’s 18 electoral votes. Romney’s electoral vote total is 275 to Obama’s 259.

Democrats are crying foul and heading to court based on what the mainstream media is calling a “terrorist plot” used to defeat President Obama.

The plot allegedly points to “extremist Israeli cells” using “Obama Phones” to foil President Obama.

A “crazy right-wing” web site is reporting that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu wanted his old friend Mitt Romney to win the election and was angry when he heard about the Ohio Obama Phone plot. Immediately, Israeli intelligence hackers swung into action and developed an anti-virus, codenamed “Barry.”

The Barry anti-virus was activated when Obama voters pressed the pound key on their Obama Phone. Then, what was intended to be two Obama votes became one vote for Romney.

The New York Times quotes a high placed Israeli who said, “All the states, (except Illinois, which happens to be the home state of President Obama, and a handful of other historically corrupt states) are known for conducting fair elections and Israel respects all American voting traditions.”

Scenario 4

President Obama won reelection garnering 305 electoral votes to Romney’s 229. He won the battleground states of Ohio, Virginia, Colorado and Iowa while Romney won Florida.

Last night, television reporters on both mainstream media and liberal cable networks were seen gloating and high-fiving each other as soon as exit-poll data was released from Virginia and Ohio. The glee was so obvious it left Romney voters wondering if they really do live in an Obama-nation controlled by state-run media.

However, Obama Phone rumors are still ringing throughout the blogosphere.

Now, the latest report indicates that nationally the number of votes cast for Obama is greater than the number of registered voters.

When asked about the possible link between Obama Phones and voter corruption, Chris Matthews said, “Typical Republicans just want to deny poor people, especially African Americans, the use of cell phones. I believe, as do most Democrats, that having a government issued cell phone with free monthly service is the right of every American.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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