by Ima Teule of the New York Times News Service
Arthur Daniels Midland (ADM) has announced plans to build a mammoth fertilizer refining plant just outside of Washington, DC, to take advantage of the enormous volume of BS coming out of the nation's capital.
A spokesperson for ADM was eager to point out that the best crops grow in highly refined BS. "Never before has Washington, DC produced such highly refined BS in quantities sufficient to make this move possible," explained Alfred Arschloch, director of communications for ADM. "It is safe to say that the BS coming out of Washington is the best BS we have ever seen."
This announcement comes at an opportune moment as public concerns about chemical fertilizers have grown over recent years, and more farmers return to animal fertilizers for their crops.
"This BS refinery solves two problems facing our nation," Arschloch explains. "One; people have become concerned about chemicals in their food, and two; Washington DC has become inundated with BS. In fact, this BS refinery comes at the precise moment when DC is threatened to be plowed under with BS."
There is little doubt that in this election year, BS is on the mind of every American voter, and so this announcement could not have come at a more opportune time.