I applaud the many brilliant minds that grace America. Good for you for thinking deep thoughts and expounding on complexities and nuances of this, that and the other. I think that is grand. But I also think that most of the truths that can guide us aright are right out there in the open.

I believe they are stunningly, astoundingly obvious. I bring them up because your average Democrat does not get them, and far too many Americans do not get them either [yes, I just said what you think I said, on purpose]. So without further fanfare:

EPU's Captain Obviousisms, Edition 1

Government Business, Not Government Business


  • Secure the border -- government business.
  • Mandate how much salt or fat is in my food -- NOT government business.

  • Make America inspired by her friends and feared by her enemies -- government business.
  • Control my health care decisions -- NOT government business.
  • Facilitate the ability of Americans to make a living, create a business, and buy and sell as they please -- government business.
  • Punish or reward companies and industries based on the political fashion of the day-- NOT government business.
  • Protect the freedoms of every American with equal vigor -- government business.
  • Control who I associate with politically on the internet -- NOT government business.
  • Protect the ability of citizens to vote in fair elections, free of intimidation and fraud -- government business.
  • Confiscate tax money from working Americans to bail out individuals, companies and industries that made short-sighted investment decisions -- NOT government business.
  • Manage the recovery from epic-scale regional catastrophes -- government business.
  • Dispense that assistance according to which political party is favored by the region -- NOT government business.
  • Preserve a future that looks at least as good for our children as our present day is -- government business.
  • Use taxpayer money to trade entitlements for political power -- NOT government business.
  • Ensure that Americans are as free as possible to live lives without interference -- government business.

See? Easy and fun. But here's a hint. Look at the first words of some of these.

  • Not government business -- Mandate, control, punish, confiscate, use.
  • Government business -- Secure, facilitate, protect, manage, preserve, ensure.

Can you tell the difference?