Requisites for Obtaining An Hororary from a “Catholic” University

By carefully analyzing the the qualifications of our esteemed Chief Executive and his Vice Chief Executive, I’ve determined following are the requisites for being singled out for special recognition by a Catholic university in America:

1. Be stridently, breath-takingly, relentlessly pro-abortion. Be so stridently pro-abortion that you’d rather see premature babies die without medical care than see any weakening of the sacred “right to choose.” Be so stridently pro-abortion that you’re to the left of Hillary Clinton on the issue.

2. Be a practicing Roman Catholic who aligns himself politically with the person with Requisite #1.

3. Fund UN programs that provide “family planning” services in the third world; in other words, fund the aborting of third-world poverty-stricken babies.

4. Provide government funding for the destruction of human embryos for dubiously beneficial scientific research.

5. Sit in a “church” for 20 years where the pastor spews hateful, profane invective against America from the pulpit.

6. Choose as your “spiritual director” a man who spews hateful, profane invective against America from the pulpit.

7. Express your unqualified support for Roe-v-Wade.

8. Express your regret over once having voted to the to keep a brain-damaged woman from being slowly and painfully starved and dehydrated to death.

9. As you await your honorary “law” degree, prepare the government for engaging in a series of show-trials against your predecessor’s administration. To assist in that cause, engage in an Orwellian redefinition of the word “torture,” so that no definition of real torture will be possible any longer. Suggest that it is appropriate to use the law to prosecute those who gave legal opinions you might disagree with. Have the audacity, as a strident pro-abortionist, to question the moral “bearings” of those who advocated aggressive interrogation techniques against terrorists.

10. Be a practicing Roman Catholic who has consistently ignored the Catholic Church’s teaching on the sanctity of human life.

11. Have a history of plagiarism.

12. Have trouble distinguishing your Rosary beads from an assault weapon.

13. Require that a Catholic university cover up its religious symbols before you will speak at it.

14. Equate having a baby with being “punished.”

15. Have the backing of the intellectual and social elites of the world. Then, no matter how intrinsicly antogonistic your deeds and words are to the values and creed of the Roman Catholic faith, the leaders of the Catholic university will overlook it all. After all, what’s more important, upholding the values and teachings of your faith, or getting a seat at the table with the “cool kids” of this world?

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