Hi, Billy Mays here, coming to you from beyond the grave for Jobs That Matter.
Near double-digit unemployment got you down? Out of work since that temp job as a census-taking clown?
Don’t despair, you can work for *ObamaCare!
We need change like never before — on the economy, climate change and WAIT — there’s more!
Now YOU can help end dependence on icky oil — with *OxyGreen energy there’s no nasty soil!
Help win the battle for equal rights — Blame it all on conservatives, and you’ve won the fight!
Unprogressive special interests are like stubborn stains. Now wipe them out with new *HopeNChange!
At the Fund for the Public Interest, we’re flush with cash. Get yourself some for your own special stash!
We’ve been protecting the environment, fighting capitalism and defending human rights for years.
Join us and smash the *ChimpyRethugMcBushHitlers who played on our fears!
Stop global warming with Environment America, and show the world that you care!
The Sierra Club, The Human Rights Campaign, Progressive Future and MORE have jobs to spare!
YOU can get sweet revenge on those who hate by targeting supporters of Proposition Eight!
We need people like you to work for change. We pay $11 to $16 an hour — It’s easy to arrange!
YOU can make thousands and thousands of bucks working for us in jobs that don’t suck!
Here’s how you can take advantage of this amazing offer:
Just call 415-622-0064. That’s 415-622-0064. Yes, 415-622-0064. That number again: 415-622-0064.
Don’t have a phone? No problem! Use the library’s computer and go to www.JobsThatMatter.org!
Call in the next half hour, and we’ll double the offer! But call right now — this is a limited proffer!
*TM Lightworker, L.I.B. — a not for profit president