Scientists Discover “Liberal Gene” – New Drug Offers “Hope and Change”
Scientists Find ‘Liberal Gene’
Study conducted by researchers at UCSD, Harvard
According to scientists at UC San Diego and Harvard University, “ideology is affected not just by social factors, but also by a dopamine receptor gene called DRD4.” That and how many friends you had during high school.
The study was led by UCSD’s James Fowler and focused on 2,000 subjects from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health. Scientists matched the subjects’ genetic information with “maps” of their social networks. According to researchers, they determined that people “with a specific variant of the DRD4 gene were more likely to be liberal as adults.” However, the, subjects were only more likely to have leanings to the left if they were also socially active during adolescence.
Source: Scientists Find ‘Liberal Gene’ | NBC San Diego
So, in other words, those who are born with “a specific variant of the DRD4 gene” and “were socially active during adolescence” are “more likely to be liberal as adults”…
Isn’t that like saying those who are genetically predisposed to alcohol addiction are more likely to become alcoholics if they grow up in a bar?
Okay… This “breaking news” is a joke just itching for a punch-line… So here goes…
(que pitifull “woe-is-me” music)
But there is Hope…
Is chronic depression and an extreme lack of intelligence holding you back? Are you always tired, pessimistic… unable to smile or laugh unless it is at the expense of someone you don’t like? You may have “Liberalism”, a painful and socially deadly disease that attacks the heart… the brain… the conscience.
But Liberalism is not your fault. It is genetic. It is a disease, caused by a dysfunctional dopamine receptor gene in your system called DRD4 (Democrat Restrictive Development)… This, in conjunction with continued exposure to other liberals and their socialist ideology, puts you and anyone who comes in contact with you at serious risk for permanent psychological and severe emotional damage.
But now there’s “Hope”
You too can “Change”
… and Lybi-ril can help.
(que “happy/joy-joy/sunshine” music)
Thanks to a new scientific breakthrough, there is hope… Yes… you too can change. You too can live a happy, prosperous life by changing your dopamine induced destructive behavior…
(echo… Lybi-ril… Lybi-ril…)
Lybi-ril, taken daily with regular association with conservative Americans, has been proven to help to block the absorption of this damaging and potentially emotionally fatal Democrat Restrictive Development gene and enables you to identify, and process “the truth” in order to achieve the happiness, which once eluded you.
Ask your nearest Conservative Tea Party Representative if Lybi-ril is right for you.
Patients taking Lybi-ril have reported a sudden sense of emotional and spiritual lightness and with continued use, most patients report an increase in sustained optimism and an uncontrollable urge to help others and to apologize for past transgressions.
These symptoms can be mild to intense, depending upon the ideology and activities by which you formerly conducted your life.
If you are unable to accept reality or if you are unable to handle the truth, you should not take Lybi-ril. While taking Lybi-ril, you may experience sudden shame and embarrassment when recalling past acts of idiocy and in some cases, the more serious side-effects of numbness, paralysis and an inability to identify or associate with former liberal friends have been reported. If you experience these symptoms, do not stop taking Lybi-ril but consult your nearest Conservative Republican.
If symptoms persist or intensify, wrap yourself in an American Flag, place you right hand over your heart and read aloud the United States Constitution until help arrives.
Offering REAL “Hope and Change”