I know many at Redstate have been wondering why I support King Newt. Well wait no longer, I will tell you why:
- Master Historian, Speaker Extraordinaire, The Last Great Conservative Hope will banish the weeping and wailing of timid supporters called Republicans.
- He crafts supernal words that cut through the media’s disrespect and insolence.
- He whispers simple truths that make RINOs cower in fear.
- He has beaten his baggage into shiny kevlar armor and mounts his charismatic steed with the grace of a prince.
- He welds the finest bow and each arrow is made from the purest hand crafted Big Idea.
- His swordplay is impeccable and he has beaten Inigo Montoya and humiliated the Dread Pirate Roberts.
- His war chest is lined with the finest platinum cards
Mark my words. It will be a cold day in Tampa when the gathering will happen and turmoil will abound from the lack of hard delegates for the ultimate conservative traitor.
Out of the mist shall a hero arise and then walk to the center of that great hall. He shall grasp the immovable sword stuck in the stone. Pulling it free he shall claim his rightful heir and our great champion. The downtrodden masses shall erupt in deafening cheers as the conservative traitor is forgotten and our great new King shall be crowned victor! Only then can the wicked oppressor be defeated.
Stay hopeful my friends, August is still yet to come!
The oldest Redstate Rombot