FRONT PAGE CONTRIBUTOR
The Colbert Congress
Fall is a time of the year when really strange things happen. Congressman John Conyers, for example, knew exactly what he was doing when he attempted to yank Comedian/ Expert Witness Stephen Colbert off the stage. We’ll all look back on last week and realize that nostalgia, like our current US Congress, just isn’t what it used to be.
Stephen Colbert has succeeded as a Comedian by essentially satirizing Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh. He offers up well-prepared take-downs of straw-man Conservative opinions to an adoring audience of Left-Wing sycophants. Thus, he didn’t even have to venture out of character to testify, when Congresswoman Zoe Lofgren invited him to liven up a hearing on a bill to legalize undocumented farm workers.
Colbert amused the throngs by offering to submit his most recent colonoscopy as testimony that farm-grown vegetables are a necessary source of roughage. I regret that it wasn’t entered into the record. Nothing could better symbolize what four years of Speaker Pelosi have meant to America than a feature-film presentation recording the inner workings of some smug, rich liberal’s rectum. Colbert’s next bowel movement will be the most constructive and useful thing he contributes to America this week.
Colbert spent one day working on a farm so that he could experience what it was like. He and Congresswoman Lofgren enrolled in The United Farm Workers Union Take Our Jobs Program for a day. His experience working as a Corn Packer caused him to offer the following testimony.
“this is America,” the comedian said. “I don’t want a tomato picked by a Mexican. I want it picked by an American, then sliced by a Guatemalan and served by a Venezuelan in a spa where a Chilean gives me a Brazilian. Because my great-grandfather did not travel across 4,000 miles of the Atlantic Ocean to see this country overrun by immigrants.”
Still, “after working with these men and women picking beans, packing corn for hours on end, side by side in the unforgiving sun, I have to say — and I do mean this sincerely — please don’t make me do this again,” Colbert added. “It is really, really hard.”
“Maybe this AgJobs bill would help,” he concluded. “I don’t know. Like most members of Congress, I haven’t read it.”
As much as Stephen Colbert detests George W. Bush, his testimony hinges on one “Ol W’s” worst talking points ever uttered. Could anyone listen to this discourse on the hazards of Corn-Packing and not be reminded of the line about jobs Americans just won’t do? It’s almost as if The Colbert Report misses George W. Bush….
Colbert strikes me as a reasonably intelligent guy. If his colonoscopy was worthy of the Congressional Record; than the area in which his mental apparatus resides, seems to be in functional condition. He must be deliberately eliding the entire minimum wage issue. There aren’t too many jobs Americans would do for $4.50 an hour. That would be as illegal as the workers who currently do them. US citizens get in trouble for doing those jobs. Their employers can be fined or put in jail.
Meanwhile, in another hearing room where the media pointedly avoided attending, some guy named Coates, testified regarding The Justice Department. The irony of John Conyers’ attempt to silence Stephen Colbert is so thick you could cut it with a chainsaw.
Colbert served his masters well. You could even say he packed their corn. Please don’t ask hard questions about the corrupt, amoral suck-hole that is The Obama Presidency or the continued Democratic control of Congress. We’d all hate for Stephen Colbert to have to do this all over again.
X-Posted At: The Minority Report