Mark Twain’s cynical comment that, “No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.” is even truer today than when he first uttered those words in 1866. So, America, let’s all let out a collective sigh of relief that our increasingly kleptocratic Congress is currently in recess! Time to hit the beach and frolic in the waves just like our President and Representatives!
Oh, wait, we can’t. We’re too busy clinging to our jobs to take time off for fun, working two jobs to pay for the ever-increasing cost of living or too broke from being unemployed to go any where for vacation this year. Bummer. Guess we’ll just have to live vicariously through watching our hardly-working, always-traveling, apologist-in-Chief, President Obama, and the DC Ruling Elites splash about for us in one of America’s most exclusive, swank and expensive vacation spots ever, Martha’s Vineyard.
Beloved by preppy snobs of either party, Martha’s Vineyard is a pricey haven away from the common herd. It’s been the vacation get-away for celebrities and politicians for decades and it’s not uncommon for the likes of Kate Jackson, Steve Tyler, Reese Witherspoon, Beyoncé Knowles and Meg Ryan to bump into Senator John Kerry, President Bill Clinton and Senator Ted Kennedy.
With so much glamour about, the politicians really do need to step up their physical presentation a bit. London’s The Telegraph online edition recently did a breathless puff piece picking outfits for First Lady Michelle Obama to wear but what should the rest of the Obama crowd don as they schmooze, booze and cruise Martha’s Vineyard this year?
So, without further ado, here are some fashion do’s and don’ts for President Obama and his crowd be they living the high life this August in Martha’s Vineyard or facing an increasingly hostile crowd of constituents in what are now becoming known as Town Hell meetings:
President Obama: DO get yourself a proper pair of full length golfing slacks instead of those cargo shorts and DON’T do any more bare-chested photo ops. Russia’s Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin, was just recently spotted bare-chested while horseback riding and his 57 year-old, muscled physique puts your 44 year-old, scrawny self to shame.
Vice President Joe Biden: DO smile more and talk less. DON’T do anything stupid while your boss is on vacation. That’s his job.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: DO add dresses with a defined waist and full skirt back into your life since your pantsuits lost their cutting edge freshness last century. It’s an open secret that your legs are elephantine so stick to below-the-knee hemlines and black stockings. Your recent attempt at doing African ethnic dances while on a diplomatic mission looked ridiculous especially since all the ladies in the room, except you, were properly attired for evening festivities. Sorry, rhinestones on your trusty, crusty pantsuit’s lapels won’t cut the fashion mustard. DON’T wear that hideous orange silk pantsuit ensemble ever again because Kim Jong Il’s cruel assessment of you looking like a pumpkin was more than accurate.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi: DO wear large frame sunglasses to avoid that popping, owl-eye effect we all find so unnerving every time you get angry, which is often. DON’T get anymore face lifts! Beauty may only be skin deep but ugly goes straight to the bone. Besides, one more and the next time you try to smile, your navel will wink.
Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid: DO lighten up and get yourself out of all those dark suits. Considering that you are a son of a hard rock miner, get yourself back to your roots and back into denim. Maybe you’ll rediscover distant memories of what it was like to be a mere mortal once again. DON’T wear anymore green ties; when it comes to visual clues, green is the color of insincerity.
Supreme Court Judge Sonia Sotomayor: DO get a shorter hairstyle with side swept bangs because there’s nothing wise about looking like an aging frump. DON’T wear brocade coats since you’re sitting on the Bench, not substituting for the sofa.
The Obamunist team is just littered with frowsy players but these six should suffice. Let’s just say that a dose of reality is always necessary when appraising oneself. Since living in the rarified atmosphere of the DC Beltway pretty much isolates one from body-blows to the fashion ego, we have to do it for them.
Now that the critiques are over, I guess that Obama and his posse can enjoy the refined sophistication of Martha’s Vineyard secure in the knowledge that they look as fabulous as possible. There is nothing tacky about The Rock after all even if it does have local restaurants now serving “Barack-o Tacos”, Obama muffins and mandarin orange “Obamatinis” and who could fault First Daughters, Malia and Sasha for insisting that mummy buy them “I Vacationed with the Obamas Vineyard 2009” tee shirts?
Seeing one of those tee shirts on Malia would send a far better message of fun and assuring irony to America than when she sported that black and white generic “no nukes” peace sign tee during her father’s craven cut back pledge to Russia of our nuclear defense arsenal last month. Oh, and by sheer coincidence, I understand Russian nuclear submarine spotting is now the hot summer past time off the East Coast this year.