US Senate (D-Oh!) Candidate Jennifer Brunner Needs to Fire Her Dog, Stat

(Crossposted at your flippant and irreverant Ohio source for politics and humor, Athens Runaway )

Back in October, US Senatorial wannabe Jennifer "My Love For Socialism Don’t Cost a Thing " announced that she was firing her campaign’s fundraising team and hiring a new one, in order to bolster her lagging campaign.  Shortly after, the admittedly cute puppy, Laney, "sent out" a fundraising campaign on behalf of her pet human.

Brunner campaign fundraising chief Laney, however, has been a real dog of a fundraiser, though.  In 2009, Brunner only raised a paltry total of $677,648 .  Her primary challenger, Lieutenant Governor Lee "Jobs" Fisher has raised almost five and a half times that , and the unchallenged Republican contender for the Senate seat left open by the (thankfully) retiring Senator George RINOvich,—I mean VoinovichRob Portman has double Fisher’s cashbar .

To rephrase, ACORN needs to come through for their puppet J-Bru , and hard, if they help to elect their stooge into the US Senate.

In any event, Brunner hasn’t been doing well financially, to put it lightly.  However, this is just god-awful embarrassing.

Laney, in his infinite poochy wisdow, decided that it was a good idea to put out this dog of a campaign fundraising drive.

Brunner’s new drive is called "Victory for Courage," and features Rosie the Riveter, which is ironic.  Ironic, because Jennifer Brunner’s ACORN-devised policies would further destroy Ohio’s manufacturing base, as opposed to making more jobs for women, and men.

Anyway, as you know, sometimes campaigns decide to get cute with their donation levels.  For example, George W. Bush’s donor levels were along the lines of Western-sounding things such as "rangers," "pioneers," and so on.

What theme did J-Bru decide on: Military ranks.

Her top level that a donor can acheive by tossing their money down a hole is "generalissimo."

Whose name comes immediately to mind when you say "generalissimo"?  If you answered notorious Spanish dictator Francisco Franco or communist Cuban dictator and human-rights abuser Fidel Castro, you’re correct.

Her second-highest donor level?  "Field Marshall."  As anyone with a working knowledge of American history would remember, the most infamous and most recognizable Field Marshall is none other than Hermann Goering.

Laney should go back to hunting dead animals in Rick Brunner’s beard, and leave the fundraising to the people with brains and opposable thumbs.

Or, in the case of the Jennifer Brunner campaign staff, the people with just the opposable thumbs.

Asking for both is too much to expect from the cute little nose-pickers.

Get Alerts