Rob Miller in SC-02? Call Your Office, Please…

You hear that whooooshing sound, boys?

That’s the sound of a tsunami coming.  A tsunami of 1994-esque proportion, fired by voters’ concerns about joblessness, runaway government spending, and rampant government overreach.

Apparently, the sound of the allegorical rising tide can be heard over the sound of South Carolina’s real coast, all the way from Hilton Head Island all the way up to Columbia, because Rob Miller AKA “The Job Killer” is running for cover.

Today, Rob Miller—the man who hopes to unseat the Congressman who has to have a wheelbarrow in order to carry his ball bearings of steel, Joe Wilson—shot himself in the face while scoring an own-goal, by announcing that, if elected, he would not vote for Nancy Pelosi to be House Speaker.  So… he’d vote for John Boehner?  Am I grokking this correctly?

Correct me if I’m wrong here, folks, but this seems to be what we call in the business, a fail.  If Miller was elected—with the help of Nancy Pelosi, natch—he would not support his party’s candidate for House Speaker.  Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!  Miller goes on to promise that he’d betray his party and support the expiring Bush tax cuts, and also oppose any new tax increases.

In other words, Miller’s plan for winning as a Democrat in a highly anti-Democrat year is… running as a Republican?

I’m not buying the idea that Miller is a power-hungry hypocrite who’d say anything to win votes, even if it meant stabbing his own party in the back.  That’s absurd, that a Democrat would be think that running to the right would make him more appealing to voters.

But what is the alternative? Could it… nah.  That’s silly.  But… maybe.  Why else would he be running away from the spectre of Skeletor Darth Sidious Nancy Pelosi and the rest of his party?  Why would Miller gladly take Pelosi’s money in April, but suddenly find her to be toxic?

In 2008, Miller said that he’d work to fight what he called the “the Bush tax giveaways to the super wealthy”.  Now, in October 2010, he’s saying that he’d fight to keep tax rates at their current levels.  In April of this year, Miller was asked by the Lexington Chronicle whether or not he supported Obamacare.  To this day, he refuses to answer that question.

Could it be that—and this is a shot in the dark—at some point between 2008 and this year, something happened to our universe’s Rob Miller?  That our Rob Miller, the Democratic candidate running against Republican Joe Wilson, was replaced by a Rob Miller that looks exactly our Miller—almost identical in every way, except that this doppleganger was a Republican?  A Rob Miller with the same glasses, the same suit, the same evil-twin goatee?

Wait.  Evil-twin goatee?  Crap.  It must be true, then.  He has been replaced.

Please, Rob Miller—our Rob Miller—call your office as soon as you can.  There’s an evil double of you running around, making you look like a backstabber and a liar by pandering to voters.  And we all know you’d never do that, right?

And when you’re done, call the FBI’s Fringe Division, as soon as possible, so we can catch this psuedo-Miller and stop the invasion of mirror universe-Democrats pretending to run as conservatives.  Your good name, and the integrity of the universe are at stake.


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