In Which I Become A Bot
My deepest yearnings cry out in anguish in the face of this necessity, yet Necessity being the Unstoppable Force, today I must sadly declare my Botness.
I have made feeble efforts here to argue for comity among conservatives, for all of us to keep an open mind and a civil tongue, and to eschew the mindless vitriol that leads thither to destruction. My feeble efforts have failed. I am reviled in the eyes of Botdom, treated as a sniveler, told to fix my rouge, exhorted to suck it up and behave like a man, told to straighten my cup and get back in the game.
So today I must cravenly capitulate and announce that I am now, and forthwith will be, a Bot. This is a difficult decision because there are (or rather “were” till this very moment) two candidates who I could enthusiastically support. But as a bot I cannot have divided loyalties. I must adhere to the One Truth, Botness demands nothing less.
So from this day forward Rick Perry is as dead to me as Mitt Romney, Herman Cain, Michelle Bachmann, Rick Santorum, Jon Huntsman, and Ron Paul. In fact even as I type I am filled with wonder as to how I could have ever supported him. I am whelmed by a clammy coldness that pervades my body as I contemplate how close I came to supporting some one so ill-prepared to be President. What madness caused me to be so foolishly tempted into such an obvious abyss?
Concurrently I am giddy, filled with a heady joyfulness that I was so blessed to see the truth and recognize the One Way down which destruction does not lay. The way toward the White House and a Senate Majority in 2012 is narrow and there is only one man who knows The Way and can lead us onward and upward to victory.
His name is Gingrich, and today, November 23, 2011 I become a Newtbot. May I be worthy.