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Comprehensive Sex Education for Kindergarten (an attempt at humor)

brought to you by Barack Obama

“Good morning, boys and girls. My name is Ms. Livingston-Probinski, and I have the most fun job in the world. Can you guess what it is?”

boychild:” Are you a clown inna circus!?!”

“No, my job is much more fun than that, and besides, I would never work in a circus, because they take advantage of people who are different, and make you laugh at them. Any-”

girlchild (interrupting): “Miss Constance says we should nevoo make fun of fweaks just because they aaoo diffewent.”

“You shouldn’t say ‘freaks -’”

girlchild (interrupting indignantly): “Don’t make fun of me cause I can’t say my aaooos yet! (sob) Miss Constance always says ‘Shame on you, Billy” when he makes fun of me.(sob) Where is Miss Constance?”

“Miss Constance is wes -resting. She’ll be back as soon as we’re done. But you haven’t guessed my job yet. Who can guess?”

another girlchild: “Are you a cowgirl in a rodeo!?!”

“No, I don’t think that would be much fun. People in rodeos are very mean to animals.”

boychild: “Are you a fighter pilot!?!”

“Heavens, no, I loathe the military. Okay, I will tell you my job. I am a Teacher-”

another boychild: “Miss Constance is our teacher. We have lots of fun with Miss Constance..”

“Yes, but I am a Special-”

girlchild: “Miss Constance says everybody is Special. She says-”

“Yes, that is true, everyone is special, and I’m a Special Teacher. I am an Age-Appropriate Comprehensive Sex Education Teacher!!!”

(silence)

“Okay, who knows what sex is?”

girlchild:”Grown-up stuff”

boychild:”If it’s grown-up stuff, what’s she doin here, Janie?”

girlchild: “I dunno………”

“I’m here because it’s important for you children to understand about sex. Okay, who can tell me the difference between boys and girls?”

boychild:”Girls are yucky.”

(laughter)

girlchild:”No,* boys* are yucky.”

boychild:”Girls are!!!”

girlchild:”Boys are!!!”

boychild:”Girls are, and you’re a doodoohead, Monica.”

another girlchild:”I’m gonna tell Miss Constance! I’m gonna tell Miss Constance!!”

boychild:”All girls are doodooheads. Doodooheads, doodooheads….”

boys (chanting) “Doodooheads…doodooheads….nanny nanny doodooheads…”

girls (crying):”Where’s Miss Constance?!? We want Miss Constance.”

girlchild:”Aaoo you having fun, Ms. Livingston-Pwobinski?”

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