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Expanding on Leon’s proposed compromise on waterboarding

Guidelines for K-12 waterboarding curricula

Earlier today, Leon Wolf unveiled his proposal to end the waterboarding wars, titled “Safe, Legal and Rare”

His post led to me examine what we should do in response “for the children”.

After all, since we can’t expect our children in today’s modern world to subscribe to those traditional values that our Washington D.C. overlords have pronounced “all over”, it is our duty to provide our children with more alternatives than simply abstinence should they choose to when they inevitably engage in certain “private behaviors” under the influence of raging hormones and relentless media indoctrination and peer pressure.

Thus we must also establish classroom curricular instruction to all K-12 school children that will accurately and non-judgmentally instruct them how to engage in these “private behaviors” and how to use prevention tools to spare them the consequences if when they choose to engage in such risky “behaviors”

Such curriculum, of course would include age-appropriate instruction in the following:

(1) the “facts-of-life” about how to engage in these Constitutionally-protected private behaviors” that – if appropriate precautions aren’t take or if these precautions fail – lead to a “delicate condition” in which their “private behaviors” come to the attention of neighbors and/or law-enforcement personnel that makes the unlimited, taxpayer-funded availability of waterboarding necessary to prevent an explosive public scandal should their “condition” proceed to term; and

2) explicit instruction in preventative methods to prevent the need to be waterboarded, for both males and females – complete with classroom instruction in their usage and the free availability of said prevention tools to students that will be dispensed by licensed professional personnel in school facilities. In order to preserve privacy rights of the children, parents will neither be informed of such dispensing and their permission will not be necessary.

At the same time, instructors and law-enforcement personnel – under legislative mandate – will utilize the full power of the state to ensure that students (as well as those who are in the “delicate condition”- especially those in the act of entering the offices of waterboarding providers in order to get waterboarded) are insulated from reading descriptions of waterboarding or viewing photos of the waterboarding procedure as well as being protected from having to read descriptions of waterboarding or listen to arguments against waterboarding or even being within hearing range of waterboarding protesters.

Moreover, no discussion of the negative after effects of waterboarding will be allowed in the curriculum or in classroom discussions – in order to ensure that opinions are not changed such that would threaten the continued legality of waterboarding.

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