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Who cares about the Birth Certificate? I wanna see the Wiring Schematic

So, this is the New and Improved Obama! New Lemon-Scented Obama! Obama 2.0!

I’m sure the swells in Georgetown get really geeked for the State of Union Speech. Out here in the provinces, though, it sure has taken on the air of an Infomercial held at the Sheraton Suites: The carpeting looks nice, the furnishings have that deeply polished patina, and the well-tailored suits and up-dos look great on the tube. Maybe there’s a QuickStart ™ breakfast out in the Rotunda following the speech.

It’s all really rather phony and embarrassing. And kind of tawdry.

The radio newscasters all during the day sounded like fans of Tommy “Tightpants” Jones, breathless in their near-orgasmic anticipation that tonight, Barack would put the “BAM!” back in “Obama”; Ann Compton probably had already removed her bloomers, and held them surreptitiously in her purse, in complete preparedness to throw them at the President from her seat in the gallery above the Speakers Rostrum. Would he tack to the Center (pant, pant)? Oh, my, that spending freeze gets me HOT, Mr. President!

While driving home this evening, I had the radio on, and I listened to the Great Orator give his Great Oratory. Sadly, the only thing I could hear was the voice of Representative Joe Wilson yelling “Liar!“. Maybe, I thought, this was simply a repeat of last years Great Oratory given by the Great Orator.

It had to be.

The mellifluous tones were saying the same things: “Investments!” “Common Sense Solutions!” “Health care costs!” “Both Democrats and Republicans Agree!” And it was certainly the voice of Barack himself, with the same staccato bursts of syllables, the same harsh “Ssss-es” at the end of every plural (-which, to my ears, have taken on the tone of a bandsaw cutting annodized aluminum). But, he was saying the exact same things he’s been saying in every speech I’ve every heard him give.

How does he do it? How does he keep giving the same damned speech, about Bringing Down Health Care Costs, and then thrash around like the Tasmanian Devil doing everything in his power to drive UP the price of healthcare, and people somehow think he’s truthful and earnest, when all the real-life evidence of the last twenty-four months shows he manifestly is not? How? How does he continue to talk about “investing” in more “light rail” and “fixing our crumbling roads and bridges” as if he didn’t just sign the most massive, most out-of-control spending program in the history of the Federal Government less than two years ago– that was filled with subsidies for “light rail” and “crumbling bridges”? How does he talk about keeping our air breathable and our food safe and our milk all warm and chocolatey in one breath, and in the next talk about “reforming the way Government does business” and “reducing outdated regulations”? How does a sentient, sane man say these things? How?

The only way? Obama must be a cyborg. He’s a robot. That’s it!

Which, of course, explains why there is no birth certificate. There might be an operator’s manual somewhere. No birth certificate, but maybe a Warranty Certificate. If THAT can be found, maybe we can return him to Best Buy, or wherever he came from. This model, Barack Obama 2.0 is broken: He keeps giving the same speech, over and over and over.

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