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Don’t Look Down On Me, Ms. Feminist. I’m Not Sorry For My Choices, Either.

This morning I followed a link on Facebook that took me to this post. It’s written by a “feminist” and the point she wants to make is that being a wife and mother is not a valid choice, or even a difficult one.

Let me first say, Ms. Glass, that I have been both sides of this feminine coin. I have owned my own business. I have managed a company of over 20 employees. I worked my way through college, and I’m now a mother of two and very proud of it. When my kids were very young, I stayed at home with them. Yes, I did laundry, I grocery shopped, I cooked and cleaned! You say men aren’t “conditioned” to think “stupid things” like that are important. Ask a child who doesn’t have those things how important they are. And as my children got older I returned to the work force. But I didn’t stop caring for my family. I am a chauffer. A secretary. A chef. A nurse. I’m a therapist, a guide, a teacher, and an example. I’m a cheerleader, a homemaker. A bread winner and a bread maker.And it’s not 9-5, clock out, done. It’s 24/7/365.

Just because a mom doesn’t go to an office or a “womyn’s studies” classroom doesn’t mean she doesn’t work. Being a wife and mother is not just an important thing, it’s a critical thing. How do you expect the human race to go on without us? We bring life into this world, we nurture and care for that life, and we are proud to do it. And because of so-called feminists like you, it can be a thankless duty. The role of wife and mother has had a reverence to it since the dawn of man. Yes, even in times when women were discriminated against, denigrated, and denied equality. Even then the role of mother was seen as a blessed calling. How ironic that it takes the liberated woman to finally decide that motherhood is a waste of time. And an easy waste of time.

Not every woman everywhere must take on that role. Strong, powerful, visionary women have stood against oppression, fought for civil rights, guided nations, and changed the course of history. Other women work hard at their jobs, build a happy life for themselves, enrich their world and those around them. Some marry and have no children. Some have children and don’t marry. And some become homemakers and spouses. Partners. What in your vast experience gives you the right, or even the basic knowledge, to attack that?

Having a child isn’t easy. There’s a reason they call it labor. And raising a child is hard too. Both are rewarding. Being a mom is an important and difficult job. You say that a woman “will never have the time, energy, freedom or mobility to be exceptional if you have a husband and kids”, and just because she doesn’t backpack across Europe or travel the world, she is not complete. I have news for you. Having a husband and kids, raising and caring for a family, that IS exceptional. And I don’t need a pat on the head from a corporate bigwig or a bunch of Facebook likes on my pictures of an Amsterdam hostel to tell me that.

- Donna Howe, @dunestar

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