Sun v Gore: Where will the Bobcats play?
Originally published by TMR Legal Editor, Mike “gamecock” DeVine as Charlotte Law and Civil Rights Examiner for Examiner.com
As previously reported, your truly filed an intra-galactic defamation lawsuit on behalf of Milky Way star, The Sun (my client, pictured right) against former vice-president and Peter Finch in the movie “Network” impersonator, Al Gore in 2006.
[All remaining documentary links may be accessed at the original Examiner.com article.)
The case has been litigated for over two years but is now coming to a head due to yet another surprise witness, confirmation of global cooling over the past decade, President-Elect Barack Obama’s promise of public works jobs, Charlotte’s desperate need for highway improvements and the peril the NBA Bobcats’ Time Warner Cable Arena may be in, should Gore be right. (Gore also said Earth was “in the balance” 20 years ago and that Outer Banks would be no more ten years ago if we didn’t eschew edison’s bulbs and the internal combustion engine 15 years ago.)
First, a re-cap of the litigation:
The Sun claims responsibility for all significant warming of Planet Earth. Gore claims that Homo Sapiens are threatening the survival of Man and Planet Earth herself through Man’s own planetary warming devices. Cow flatulence advocates are considering intervening as a third party to the action.
In a surprise move in 2007, The Sun has listed a fellow parishioner of Gore’s in the Church of Man-Made Global Warming (MMGW) as a witness against Gore.
The witness was former President Bill Clinton who made the rounds of the cable and network news shows in the Winter of 2005-6 and repeated what he and his Church considers a MMGW “scare” line that actually supports The Sun’s claim of slander.
Bill Clinton warned that Manhattan Island could lose 50 feet in the next 50 years due to the warming activities of Man. Madison Square Garden is more than 50 feet from the East and Hudson Rivers.
The Sun’s discovery findings show that half the Eastern Seaboard was under the Atlantic Ocean for thousands of years before the first Chevrolet exhausted its first fume into the Earth’s atomosphere. The main piece of evidence is a bank of sharks’ teeth in Columbia, South Carolina.
Columbia is over 150 miles from The Atlantic.
The Sun proposes to depose the former President under Oath in hopes of using the testimony to move for summary judgment on liability and a trial only on the amount of damages to the planet’s reputation.
Negotiations have stalled on the meaning of the word “is” and where the Knicks will play.
Now comes new evidence:
CNN Meteorologist: Manmade Global Warming Theory ‘Arrogant’
Network’s second meteorologist to challenge notion man can alter climate.
Witness: CNN Meteorologist Chad Myers
“You know, to think that we could affect weather all that much is pretty arrogant,” Myers said. “Mother Nature is so big, the world is so big, the oceans are so big – I think we’re going to die from a lack of fresh water or we’re going to die from ocean acidification before we die from global warming, for sure.”
“But this is like, you know you said – in your career – my career has been 22 years long,” Myers said. “That’s a good career in TV, but talking about climate – it’s like having a car for three days and saying, ‘This is a great car.’ Well, yeah – it was for three days, but maybe in days five, six and seven it won’t be so good. And that’s what we’re doing here.”
“We have 100 years worth of data, not millions of years that the world’s been around,” Myers continued.
Witness: Dr. Jay Lehr
“If we go back really, in recorded human history, in the 13th Century, we were probably 7 degrees Fahrenheit warmer than we are now and it was a very prosperous time for mankind,” Lehr said. “If go back to the Revolutionary War 300 years ago, it was very, very cold. We’ve been warming out of that cold spell from the Revolutionary War period and now we’re back into a cooling cycle.”
Lehr suggested the earth is presently entering a cooling cycle – a result of nature, not man.
“The last 10 years have been quite cool,” Lehr continued. “And right now, I think we’re going into cooling rather than warming and that should be a much greater concern for humankind. But, all we can do is adapt. It is the sun that does it, not man.”
Obama/Democratic Party policies threaten the Bobcats’ Arena
Obama promises to “save or create” three million jobs. (Given that over 154 million jobs now exist, we shudder to think that Obama would consider only saving three million quite ominous.) But given Obama’s far left greenie views, will his trial lawyer friends be the only ones that have jobs as they kill public works jobs to save snail darters or polar bears?
And if so, where will the Bobcats play? Or at least, the even close to the coast Tar Heels?
“One man with courage makes a majority.” – Andrew Jackson