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EPA employee who made $120,000 per/year watching porn in cubicle (2-6 hours per day) makes blogger consider monastic flight….

 

Ever notice that some days you spend more time with your face in your hands than others?  These days, I’m increasingly inclined to act on my yearn to join a monastery, the one I stumbled across in northern Ireland that banned “communication with the outside world.”  More stories like this might close the deal.  But until then, let’s address why my Yin lacks Yang.

To wit: Let’s say you work for a private company, say ATT, and let’s say that you hold a sinecure position (i.e. you do nothing) that’s a six-figure drag on the bottom-line, and let’s say, while in that position, you get busted downloading 7000 hours of PORN which, after getting busted, you admit to watching for several hours PER/DAY.  What would happen?

Wouldja:

a) be asked to voluntarily register as a sex offender?
b) be referred to Hollywood for a Lifetime Achievement Award?  Or…
c) Be FIRED and FORCEFULLY REMOVED from the premises faster than Bill Clinton can drop his fly?

Answer: C.  Yes, I know, B is probable, but after deliberation, I’m confident that private companies (the ones with minor things to worry about like staying in business) aren’t okay with porn-scamming.  Seven-thousand hours is equal to 291 twenty-four hour days, and I’m thinkin’ that in the private sector, he might not have gotten past TWO days prior to being hired at *NBC.

That said, there’s another scenario.  Let’s say you work for the Federal Government, say the Environmental Protection Agency, and let’s say that you hold a sinecure position that bilks taxpayers of $120,000 per/year, and let’s say, while in that position, you get busted downloading 7000 hours of PORN which, after getting busted, you admit to watching for several hours PER/DAY…. What would happen?

Wouldja:

a) be lionized as an icon of the Democrat party and be asked to mentor interns?
b) receive a note co-signed by Anthony Wiener, Eliot Spitzer, and Bill Clinton, saying: “Dude, we’ve got your back.” Or….
c) continue to get paid $10,000 per/month because, as everyone knows, catching someone RED-HANDED watching PORN must be “investigated,” deferred to the Bureaucracy, and used to produce reams of pointless paper?

Answer: ALL of the above, but mostly C, which I think is why I keep waking at 3:00 a.m. to Satan’s cackle….  Honestly, Ireland is looking good—windswept hills, bread and water, daily chores….  The fact that people incapable of making $20-k in the Real World are being paid SIX TIMES that to keep them off the streets is disheartening (and criminal, but let’s not “judge”).  Add that they’re watching pornography on Our Dime, that they admit to it, and that their firing is “contestable,” and we might as well create a Porn Department.

Question: Why is porn not blocked on these computers?  It’s easy to do, and it IS done in….  wait for it….  the PRIVATE SECTOR, so why not in government cubicles using taxpayer-bought machines purchased – wild guess! – for non-porn activity?  This freak viewed porn for two to six HOURS…  at his DESK.  EVERYDAY.

Isolated incident?  No one knew?  He never blabbed?  Never bolted to the bathroom, repeatedly, after a particularly sensual dwarf release?

Nah.

–> “Seemed like a normal guy,” said manager John Holmes, who gave the employee 4-star reviews.  “Shocked colleagues” expressed dismay upon learning that someone they worked with watched PORN.  “He was nice, a great colleague,” said Sheila Steakback.  “Never missed a day.” <–

Sigh….  I just learned that I can make Killarney for $500 plus tax (Lufthansa), but “TAX” kills the urge.  Perhaps I’ll swim…. Anything to avoid giving one more DIME to the entrenched army of do-nothing mirror-foggers viewing porn in D.C.  Tens of millions of private citizens work their tails off to make $30, $40, $50,000 per/year, and a perverted brigand – i.e., “public servant” – is allowed “porncations,” because, face it, it’s CULTURAL.  The reason porn isn’t blocked by YOUR government – by EITHER party – is the town is porn saturated….  It’s a “perk.”

One more time: the freak downloaded 7000 HOURS OF PORN which he watched up to SIX HOURS PER/DAY…. And no one “knew”?  Gave it a glance?  If this isn’t “cultural,” i.e., a car on the Wink-Wink Wagon, then I’m Friar Gregory.  Send well-wishes to: Lollygag, Eireland, P.O. Box 666 c/o of Face-palm.

But, I’m here.  Yearning.  Sanity in the face of MONK-CALLS is tenuous.  The reason the Office of the Inspector General was snooping around the EPA in the first place was due to the investigation of John Beale, who didn’t watch porn on-the-clock because ya can’t watch porn on-the-clock if you’re ABSENT…. No, instead, of actually coming to work, Beale, the highest paid employee at the E.P.A., made two-hundred-thousand dollars doing NOTHING…. For years.

How does a guy get away, no-showing?

Good question—It’s Government is how.  Accountability is rarer than “follow through,” and no one gives a flit who’s doing what so long as the Train keeps devouring track.  Beale received AWARDS. His approved “3 year” bonus of $25,000 continued unimpeded for 13 CHRISTMASES.

How did he get away with it?  The way everyone does-–by claiming he was a C.I.A. mole operating out of Pakistan!

DUH.

He wasn’t absent without leave, he was “gardening, reading, or riding his bike” in Virginia, at his retreat in Cape Cod, or partying on his sloop—but don’t worry….

HE’LL RECEIVE HIS PENSION!!!

You earned it for him.

The monastery is open for visits, they tell me….  If you come, bring cigars—and CHOCOLATE.

We’ll pray.

~Greg Halvorson

*NBC, an ostensibly “private” company that is, in reality, a de facto arm of the Obama administration.

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