Conservative Challenge to an Angry Liberal World

Liberals are angry people. They are angry even though they presently own the world and pride themselves in their intellectual superiority with snide remarks like today’s about Ann Romney, mother of five, having, “…actually never worked a day in her life.” (CNN April 12, 2012 – DNC Advisor Hilary Rosen Attacks Ann Romney)

Anger is their trademark, sarcasm and blame their style of delivery. That’s okay though, at least you can see them coming and that’s something.

Have you every been on a pleasant walk along a park path, or a river trail with joggers or bicycle riders who wear those tight crotch-splitting outer-undies and always have that serious, “Get out of my way or die,” look on their face? They call to you from behind when you don’t see them coming, “left, left” and you aren’t sure if you are supposed to move over to the right or if they have the right and you are supposed to move to the left…

These people are always in an entitled hurry and find you and me enjoying the slower view of life annoying. As the scenery whips by them, the angry ones hold you in contempt, the happy ones wishing you a “good day” are… probably conservatives.

Almost had to defend myself and wife against such arrogance one day.  A skilled rider in a sleek expensive pointy helmet, tighty-tight shorts, wearing impressive Italian logos all over his black upper body armor, decided to stop his ride and school me in the rules for walking on a pedestrian path that also had bike-riding stripes on it.

He called “right, right” and not knowing the culture of biking, (I hate tights so I play tennis) I moved over further to the right with my wife to give him room. That wasn’t good enough.

He slammed on his brakes and angrily turned to face me; the intruder to his speedy happiness. I offered in return a well-earned LA game face with the unspoken message; at minimum his bike was going in the pleasant mountain river to my right, and Mr. Tight Pants was going down…

He quickly got my message, and I didn’t have to use my 30 year-old FBI martial arts training on the younger tied-up-in-a-wad boy-man.

So much for a pleasant stroll with the wife, as he thought twice, sneered and rode off on his $500 toy. Don’t know if the guy was a conservative or a liberal but he definitely felt “entitled” to the road.

Liberals are angry people and to try to convince them they are wrong is like asking an alligator to abandon his swamp for a swimming pool. It happens in Florida, but you have to drain the swamp first before the alligator invites himself in to your backyard pool and tells you to get lost. It’s primal to alligators as it is to arrogant liberals to take what they want.*

So in this season of elections, should you seek to convert a liberal loving person to a sense of calming happiness, I invite the conservative reader to consider just a few talking points. I guarantee at least one of you will leave happier and with a smile on your face, while the other just might slow down a bit and think:

1. Liberals love tight pants and are always “right.”  In the presence of two libs create an argument over something uncomfortable like procreation and traditional marriage.  Don’t argue. Guide them to vent about gay marriage phobias, being pro-choice, or taxpayer funded condoms. Since two “wrongs don’t make a right” sit back, smile and enjoy the show.

2. “Lies” are prettier than truth, so spare a liberal the facts about economic realities, just gently agree they are entitled to everything others have, the rich are SOBs who deserve to be taxed more, capitalism never worked, bailouts to failing green energy companies will save the planet, then talk fairness; but ask them to share everything they have with you. Sit back and smile as they ramble.

3. Gush to a liberal lawyer or medical doctor friend that you sit on your butt all day as a public transit bus driver in Wisconsin making $125,000 a year, and that you are grateful for the Democratic Party cozying up to your union and treating you like one of them; who had to pay $50,000 a year for grad school so they could make their $125,000 a year salaries.

4.  Blame Bush, big banks, Israel, and greed for all our troubles. Then talk about how swell things are in Greece and Europe and how we can become just like them if we give Obama four more years. Enjoy the confusion on their face, then the building anger as they suddenly realize you are a conservative trying to set them up…

Really want to push them over the cliff? Pull out complimentary copies of the US Constitution, smilingly offering them one.

You will have won a debate without debating, fired a shot without a gun. They will have entertained you while they flip their bike around and reveal their arrogance, along with their tight outer-undies.

*Not all liberals are arrogant, narcissists, or angry, just seems that way.

James Michael Pratt



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