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The Planned Parenthood and Corporation for Public Broadcasting Funding Act of 2011

Much ado has been made about funding for Planned Parenthood and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. I believe I have found the solution:

THE PLANNED PARENTHOOD AND CORPORATION FOR PUBLIC BROADCASTING FUNDING ACT OF 2011

AN ACT

An act that would ensure the financial solvency of Planned Parenthood, hereby known as (PP) and the Corporation for Public Broadcasting, hereby known as (CPB).

This ACT sets up an automatic, dedicated revenue stream into these organizations. Eliminating the appropriation process currently employed.
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Section 1(a)
Because of national interest, PP must continue to be funded. Recent data shows that PP receives around $350 million from the federal government in FY 2008. This is a good start, but this ACT creates a new system of funding to replace the appropriation method.

Section 1(b)
PP has a strong record of supporting a woman’s right to choose. After all, it is a woman’s body. That is why PP’s federal funds should continue in a way consistent with this ACT. Keep government out of the bedroom by funneling government money to PP so they can use federal money to keep government out of the bedroom.

Section 1(c)
It is only right to subsidize people’s purchase of birth control.The right to birth control can be traced back to our founding. Thomas Jefferson enshrined this God-given right in the Declaration of Independence when he wrote those elequent words: “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” Access to birth control is definitely considered to be a part of many people’s “pursuit of happiness.”

Section 1(d)
The revenue raised in this ACT in no way will be used to pay for abortions. PP has never used federal funding to help shore up the enterprise to keep the abortion mills running. It makes no difference that in years passed, PP has had suspicious tax forms with federal money unaccounted for.

Section 1(e)
The revenue raised in this ACT will provide PP with the flexibility in order to meet all of their patients’ needs. Sex traffickers and pimps can’t go just anywhere for medical services for their employees.
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Section 2(a)
Because of national interest, CPB must continue to be funded. Recent data shows that CPB received around $422 million from the federal government in 2010. This is a good start, but this ACT creates a new system of funding to replace the old appropriation method.

Section 2(b)
Government funding of media outlets just makes sense. Tax payer money should be used to fund an organization and all of its affiliates to protect themselves from the free-market. It needs a fair shot at competing against non-subsidized broadcast outlets.

Section 2(c) Liberal viewpoints just do not have a strong enough voice in the mainstream media. [See Section 2(b)]                                                                                                        ———————————–

Section 3(a)
Funding for these organizations must be increased. This ACT will institute an new tax to fund these organizations.

Section 3(b)
Because funding to PP and the CPB is so heavily supported by Democrats, it follows that Democrats should be taxed to support them. 37,881,055 people voted in Democratic presidential primaries in 2008. This ACT gives the Internal Revenue Service the authority to go through county election offices all across the country and institute a $100 flat tax on everyone voting in a Democratic primary. In 2008 alone this would have raised $3,788,105,500 more than enough to fund PP and CPB for two years. Any revenue left over will be used to fund the additional IRS agents needed to implement this ACT.

Section 3(c)
This tax can be referred to as the DEMOTAX.

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