Aliens, Illuminati, and Satan: Top 10 reasons Trump is winning

To his supporters, the answer is clear. To his detractors, the theories are starting to run rampant.

Donald Trump Conspiracy

It’s September. The polls don’t mean a whole lot at this point. If you look back to September, 2007, Rudy Giuliani was ahead of eventual nominee Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) 51% by 17% according to Pew and Hillary Clinton was ahead of Barack Obama by 14% according to Reuters. Eight years ago, candidate Barack Obama had a 32% favorable rating from Republicans compared to only 38% unfavorable according to Fox News.

Things can and almost certainly will change as some pundits are predicting that neither of the current frontrunners will be their party’s nominee. Still, it makes non-Trump supporters wonder how he’s been able to turn the “sideshow” as his campaign was often labeled a couple of months ago into a legitimate run.

One article offered a theory: the Donald delusion. It whimsically offered up four conspiracy theories about the candidate’s sustained popularity. I figured I’d complete the list to bring it to a full top ten. First, the four originals followed by my six additions:

  1. Controlling Forces – His popularity is artificial thanks to the Illuminati, the New World Order, the Catholics, the Russians, or some other interested (and possibly fictional) third party.
  2. Heaven or Hell – God’s Hand is in play… or possibly Satan’s.
  3. Dumb Americans – The original article said it was a combo of mobile devices and Kardashians for dumbing down America. I called it the Selfie Society.
  4. The Democrats – They’re rigging the election.
  5. Romney’s Revenge – He really wanted a rich white guy from the northeast with liberal tendencies and a penchant for shady business deals to sit in the White House. Since he lost, he’s somehow rigging the system behind the scenes so he can live vicariously through Trump.
  6. Hillary and/or Bill Clinton – They used their connections to find dirt on Trump. Then, they forced him to run in order to confuse the issue, run interference (did they know about the email scandal before?), and then blow it all up after winning the nomination in order to get Billary back to Pennsylvania Avenue.
  7. Mind Control – I’m disappointed that the other article didn’t consider this possibility. Trump is, after all, a very rich man. It’s not outside of the realm of possibility that he had a mass mind-control device developed to improve his various shows’ television ratings. It was so successful that he thought, “Hey, why not. Let’s plant the seeds for President Trump in the collective unconscious of the country.”
  8. Aliens – This is a combination of a few of the ones above. Through mind control, the Illuminati, and Al Gore (who happened to be born nine months after the Roswell incident), they’ve replaced the original Donald Trump with one of their own and are pushing him to be the leader of the free world.
  9. Fluoride – What list of conspiracy theories would be complete without a reference to water fluoridation? Not sure how it fits in, but you can’t rule it out.
  10. It’s a Phase – This is actually not a conspiracy theory. Just like that time your teenager to date someone completely inappropriate just to make you mad, GOP voters are sick of the Republican Establishment and have decided to express their displeasure by dating Trump for a while. They’ll marry better in the long run, but for now they’re having their fling with the bad boy.

Whatever the reason for his ascension, it’s a pretty safe bet that he’ll fade early in the primaries, possibly even before they start. Remember, it’s only September. There’s still time to put down the tinfoil hats and find a candidate that won’t turn America into the world’s comic relief.

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