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DNC Night Two: I am so happy right now

Basically, the following are my thoughts on tonight’s festivities in Charlotte. I encourage all of you to post your jokes about this great evening either in the comments or tweet them to me. I’ll gladly share them with the Internet.

Let’s start with Elizabeth Warren, who introduce herself as Bill Clinton’s warm-up act. Already, I’m in tears. Who does that? Who opens themselves up f-… That was terrible phrasing, wasn’t it? Anyway, what really freaked me out most is the fact that Elizabeth Warren sounded suspiciously like Ellen Burstyn if she drained the life from conservative youths. Also, styling-wise, she just looked sad, though. Even her glasses looked droopy. ”Americans can live with dignity,” she said. Right before Bill Clinton came on stage. She quoted the Bible… in front of the same crowd that booed God earlier in the day. There wasn’t a thing about her speech I didn’t laugh through.

Then came Bill Clinton.

Man, CNN could not seem to find a crowd shot that wasn’t of cheering women when he walked out. During the speech, they actually cut to a shot of a woman with this dreamy, in-love look on her face. I was full-out crying at that point. At one point, he hit on the First Lady, which was the first time he’d ever done that, including during his own terms. “Are we better off than we were when [Obama] took office?” he asked. A resounding “YES” erupted from the floor, and my first thought was “I want to move to the country they’re in.” He also mentioned something about a bipartisan Bill, but my mind went to bad places immediately, so I decided not to try to make any jokes about it.

A couple of other notes/punchlines from the night:

I mentioned on Twitter how confused I was that a nun was speaking on that stage. You know, the “BOOOOOO GOD” stage. But the nun was there. Mr. Erickson retweeted that statement and I was bombarded with some fantastic responses. Here’s my favorite.

Madeleine Albright was speaking on CNN, and all I could really think is how she didn’t look a day over Cryptkeeper. I probably won’t sleep tonight.

And, finally, CNN’s graphic while Sandra Fluke said “The woman criticized by Rush Limbaugh.” Because, clearly, that’s the only reason she’s speaking, right?

Overall, it was a good night.

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