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YOUR OWN, PERSONAL SEQUESTER

I went through my cable bill (actually, DirecTV) this month and knocked out what I really didn’t need and made a promise to not order any movies that weren’t available on Amazon Prime. When I was done taking a meat cleaver to my DirectTV budget, I had actually reduced my total monthly nut by 1.5%…

The government “sequester” is a 1.2% “cut.”

Do you see what I’m getting at here? Half of that is defense, and I’m sorry, they can find the money somewhere – and the rest of it is not going to tank a $3 trillion economy. End of story. In fact, we ought to be “sequestering” along with entitlement reform every quarter for the next five years. Don’t tell me it can’t be done and stop with the histrionics as Charles Krauthammer says. He looks so dour all the time, but always make a sarcastic comment when you least expect it and gets me laughing.  Funny dude.

There’s my plan. Any questions, you belly-ache’s? Yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. President, Mr. & Mrs. Congressman, Ms. Pundit and General McWe’reScrewed. Shut up and get out your friggin’ cable bills and knock out what you don’t need like I did. It took a half hour, and yes, I’m going to miss Game of Thrones, along with some super movies like… well, at least I’ll have more time to practice the piano.

The temerity of people in high places telling you they can’t find 1.2% waste in government to cut is funny if it weren’t so pathetic. We all know it’s complete BS, but we sit around waiting for them to kick the thing down the road at the last second and we take it. Why? We have overspent trillions in a very short time and I ask you, where are the improved and additional government services for all that dough? You know what you have $6 trillion later that you didn’t have ten years ago? NOTHING!

Unless you have a brand-new fat public union pension or started one of those kick-ass solar stimulus companies you raped and moved on from, I challenge you to name me how government is doing you $6 trillion better? The Post Office doesn’t even deliver on Saturdays anymore and guess what – if you’re pissed you can email them! Got the picture?

Thing is, we all need to stop spending money and practice the piano more. I’m going to learn “Year of the Cat” and the theme to “Out of Africa.” If September comes along and my economy improves, I’ll get to watch Boardwalk Empire, but if it doesn’t, I’ll learn “I Don’t Like Mondays.”

The next time you see one of these goofballs on TV saying the sequester is the end of the world and schoolchildren will be forced to work in iron ore factories, just hum the words; “I wanna shoot ooh ooh ooh ooh oot, the whole day down…” You’ll feel better. Get rid of Starz and half of those HD channels when you’re done watching Downton. C’mon – cut ’till it hurts…

Send hatemail to kowenhoven@gmail.com

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