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Church of the Almighty Stogie

The Screw You Parish

Few things warm my heart more than a story about political incorrectness and cigars.
Love these guys.

Dutch smokers are flocking to a religious movement known as “The Only and Universal Smokers Church of God” following a ban on tobacco smoking indoors.Michiel Eijsbouts, founder and “Smokelighter” of the church he founded in 2001, has insisted that the Dutch smoking ban in place does not apply to members of his church under national and European human rights legislation.”We think we have all the marks of a religion,” he said.”We will have to find out what the secular powers-that-be think. For us the constitution and European rules say we have the right to express our religion and we express our religion through smoking.”Church members receive a card, for a fee of £3, to prove their religious denomination as a “Holy Smoker” to the authorities.Believers sign up to a creed asserting a trinity of smoke, fire and ash. In terms of holy rites their god is honoured by smoking.The Smokers Church or Rokerskerk has over 2000 members including a “missionary” in Britain, Mr Eijsbouts told The Daily Telegraph.”For a smoker with a small s it is just a bodily need. For a smoker with a capital S it is a spiritual need, you have to have a religious experience. When you are lighting up you have to think of God,” he said.

Turns out the liberals have unwittingly created a wave of converts and filled the pews. Church elders are clinging tenaciously to their beliefs and fighting back against their oppresors. The church offers both smokey treats and beverages.

“Converting people was not easy until the smoking ban started but now people are flocking to the church.”Smoking has been banned in Dutch bars since July 1 and over 100 cafés have applied to the Church so as to be counted as religious institutions.”We stand firmly behind the church’s teachings and that is smoking,” said Cor Busch, owner of the Lindeboom bar in the northern Dutch town of Alkmaar.”Smokers are being discriminated against, a beer and a cigarette belong together.”

This is funny until you realize that this is what freedom in extremis looks like. Normal people taking wasteful and unnecessary measures to simply live their lives their way.

When totalitarian governments take away rights, people start huddling in private places. When the activity is banned in private places, they hide from the authorities to exercise their freedom. That was the Soviet Union’s modus operandi, and liberals the world over are merely the junior varsity members of the same team. Don’t worry though, at this rate, they’ll be playing varsity ball real soon in a neighborhood near you.

Also find Bill Dupray at The Patriot Room

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