Keith Olbermann Wins King of Extreme Title: 7/18-PCW Extreme Political TV
PCW Extreme Political TV Results
Midway Middle School Auditorium
Monday July 18th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Suave welcomed everyone to this week’s edition of PCW Extreme Political TV and was immediately joined by Midway’s police chief Kelly Morningstar.
Chief Morningstar welcomes PCW to Midway, Georgia and then wants to know why three kids are selling lemonade in the lobby. Suave reaches into his pocket and produces a one day permit and the crowd cheers. Then someone grabs a microphone.
Man: “Rafe Semmes, Midway, Georgia. I was absolutely astounded to learn the Midway Police Department felt it necessary to enforce an ordinance by shutting down a girl’s lemonade stand on private property because she didn’t have the proper permits. Has the whole world gone mad? Or is this just a money grab? Sounds like the latter to me. For children, lemonade stands are a time-honored method of earning money. I did it when I was a kid growing up in Savannah. What’s the harm in a child doing this? Have we gone so politically correct that common sense flies out the window? This is simply ludicrous! Shame on whoever made the judgment call that the lemonade was a threat because they did not know what was in it. This is what happens when “PC” takes over common sense and reality goes out the window.”
Chief Morningstar again repeats that the girls didn’t have a business license or the required permits and police could not determine how the lemonade was made, who made the lemonade, of what the lemonade was made with. The crowd boos in response.
Man #2: “Scott Brown, Atlanta, GA. If we have a law, it must be followed and/or enforced. We cannot pick and choose what is enforced and what we ignore. So, do not blame Chief Morningstar or the Midway Police Department for the incident with the lemonade stand. The law is the law and they were only doing their jobs by enforcing it. For laws to work, officials can’t pick and choose which ones to enforce. Unfortunately, that sometimes means allowing logic to prevail over emotion. It’s just not OK for some laws to be broken. If you don’t like a law, pressure your officials to change it. The girls unknowingly were in violation of the law. Ignorance of the law does not constitute an excuse for not following it. Second, who knows if that lemonade was made using sanitary procedures? If the lemonade had made people ill or killed someone, would we be as outraged that the police shut it down? The police were absolutely correct in shutting it down. It was a violation of the law and quite possibly posed a health hazard.
“Yes, I feel a bit sorry for the girls — I had a lemonade stand as a kid, too — but this is a good lesson. What are we teaching kids when we report that what the police did was wrong and that we should feel sorry for the girls whose lemonade stand was shut down? We’re teaching them that it’s OK to violate the law as long as it’s convenient and profitable to do so. That’s not the right way to teach a child. The law is the law and you cannot selectively enforce it. Period. To anyone else offended by the officer’s actions, get over it. We cannot turn those charged with enforcing the law into bad guys. They didn’t make the laws, so it’s unfair to blame them for something you feel may be wrong.”
Brown’s remarks also elicit boos. Suave says this is a issue of using ‘common sense.’
Suave: “I don’t know what’s more ridiculous. The war on lemonade stands all over the country or this whole Carmageddon thing that was supposed to bring LA to its knees over the weekend.”
Match #1 Triple R (D) w/ Code Pink and Emily List defeats ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay (Tea Party)
– Triple R still lusts of being the PCW champion. McAvay tries to win one for the Tea Party. Unfortunately, McAvay goes Phil Mickelson in the final round of the British Open. After Triple R dominates early. McAvay makes an incredible comeback and looks to be on the verge of winning but his overaggressiveness pisses it away at the end.
Rick Perry Visits EA Sports
On a jumbo screen inside the offices of a division of EA Sports, a scene from one of the company’s popular college football video game was playing out, featuring Perry as quarterback for his alma-mater, Texas A&M.
In the scene, Perry throws a touchdown before a stadium full of cheering fans.
As Perry left the room, a reporter shouted, “hey Rick, are you in the game?”
It was a reference to EA’s catch-phrase “if it’s in the game, it’s in the game.”
Perry did not respond and hustled off the stage.
Suave: The big question is ‘will Perry answer the call?’ Let’s find out.
Suave pulls out his cell phone and dials…and waits…and waits…and waits…
Match #2 (Taped at an Idaho bar) Marlon Baker defeats Daren Abbey
– it all began when 28-year-old white supremacist Daren Abbey began threatening Marlon Baker and threatened to stab him because “blacks are not welcome.” Baker, wearing a t-shirt that said “Spokane Boxing Club champion,” knocked Abbey unconscious with one punch.
Ron Paul Promo
Ron Paul announces that this is his final trip around the political merry-go-round. Either he will become the next PCW CEO or he will retire from political wrestling.
This brings out the PCW Tag Team Champions- Jack and Joe Schmidt along with Jim Schmidt. Jim walks out with the Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber.
Jack is disappointed that Ron Paul is going to retire next year if he doesn’t win the PCW CEO race. But what he’s NOT disappointed about is the new Harry Potter movie. Jack raves about Alan Rickman’s ‘brilliant’ performance as Professor Snape in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- Part 2.
Joe admits that he cried during the part where Snape reveals to Harry that he loved his mother. He begins to break down again but Jack picks it up from there and reminds everyone that Rickman also played Hans Gruber in the first Die Hard movie- the name of their Extreme German Schnauzer.
Jack says that no matter what, the PCW Tag Team Title belts are home and will stay with the Schmidts even after Paul retires.
Suave Tries to Call Rick Perry Again…
Suave pulls out his cell phone and dials…and waits…and waits…and waits…
Match #3 for the King of Extreme Title
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews
Suave: “Right now, they are loading up both Chambers of Extreme Doom. Here’s the lineup for each Chamber…”
Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter
Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews
Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, Bill O’Reilly
Alan Grayson, Rachel Maddow, Keith Olbermann
[The bell sounds.]
[Markos Moutilsas and Rush Limbaugh to start. Moutilsas scores with some stiff kicks and a flying forearm on Limbaugh for 2. A dropkick gets 2 more on Limbaugh. Moutilsas goes to the arm but gets caught with a kick to the gut and a knee to the head. Moutilsas tries to mount a comeback but bites a big back elbow and a running foot to the chest. They each counter hip tosses onto the metal grating, Moutilsas hits an head kick and gets a 2 count. Moutilsas’s whip is reversed but Limbaugh runs into a boot. Moutilsas tries a sunset flip but Limbaugh drops down to counter. Again Moutilsas tries some kicks but he gets shoved into the side of Arianna Huffington’s pod. Uranage backbreaker by Limbaugh gets 2. The countdown stops and next man out is…Arianna Huffington! She gives a sinister smile and stares down Rush Limbaugh. They face off while Moutilsas convalesces, and here come the fisticuffs! Huffington gets the upper hand and nails the high knee. Knee drop by Huffington gets 2. Corner clothesline by Arianna, and she beats Limbaugh down. Another clothesline gets a 2 count. Moutilsas is still lounging around, while Limbaugh and Huffington each try and take each other to the chainlink. Huffington elbows Limbaugh and clotheslines him back into the ring, but gets a boot to the face on a charge. Limbaugh goes for a power bomb on the diminutive Huffington, Arianna gets out the back and hits a DDT for 2. Moutilsas off the top with a crossbody to Limbaugh for 2!]
[It’s Alan Grayson and Glenn Beck to start. Grayson takes Beck down with a shoulder then eats a leg lariat and gets 2. Whip by Beck, Grayson avoids a couple of attacks and hits a leg lariat of his own for two. He throws Beck onto the grating but Grayson gets a double-leg and CATAPULTS Beck into the chain! He takes Beck into a pod then goes up top…SOMERSAULT SENTON off the top into Beck! Grayson whips Beck into the chain three times then rolls him back inside. Beck looks as if he’s about to have a stroke. Grayson misses a kick. Beck takes his up for the suplex! Grayson out the back, misses the corkscrew elbow and gets NAILED with a stiff kick and then the Vertical Conservative Press! 1…2…3!]
Glenn Beck eliminates Alan Grayson via pinfall
[10-spot punches in the corner by Limbaugh to Huffington and a flying clothesline. SLINGSHOT BOOM DROP to Huffington on the grating! Limbaugh blindsides her with a clothesline and rolls him back inside for a 2 count. Countdown is on…’Hardball’ Chris Matthews! He clotheslines Limbaugh and stamps on him. Limbaugh responds and levels Moutilsas with a European uppercut but then Matthews stamps on Limbaugh some more. Kneedrop to the head of Limbaugh. Cover on Limbaugh gets 2. Matthews sends Limbaugh to the grating and then throws him into the chainlink! Again! And again! Huffington comes over and she gets a hat tDan of chainlink! Matthews stamps away at Limbaugh. MOUTILSAS! He flies in and takes out all three! Matthews rolls inside, Moutilsas springboards INTO A DROPKICK BY RUSH LIMBAUGH! 1…2…no!]
Glenn Beck gets the mic and points to Keith Olbermann, telling him he better pray that his pod opens last because Beck is going to make him tap. He points to Rachel Maddow and says he will prove that her decadent lifestyle leads to no good. Then he wants us to feel the Glenn Beck flow through him. Ew. The countdown is on…MADDOW! She comes out with right hands and the springboard senton! Crossbody gets 2! She rolls through a sunset flip and kicks Beck’s head to the 5th row! 1…2…no! Drop toehold by Maddow. No. She’s not going to try the 619! Here it comes…Maddow jumps through the second and top rope while holding on to the ropes, and uses the momentum to swing back around into the ring…and right into a POWERSLAM by Beck! 1…2…no! He sets for the Vertical Conservative Press, REVERSED! Rana by Maddow! 1…2…no! Maddow goes on the attack on the grating, he tries the rana but Beck holds on! He swings Maddow into the chains HARD! And again! He throws him into the ring, cover! 1…2…no. Running high knee by Beck, he runs and LAUNCHES Maddow between the ropes and head-first into a pod! 1…2…2.809! Beck perches Maddow up top and goes up with her, Maddow fights him off and Maddow is climbing the pod! Beck chases him and NO WAY! VERTICAL CONSERVATIVE PRESS from the top??!!! No, Maddow slides off. She kicks out the foot of Beck, crotching him, and goes up top…RANA to the steel! Springboard splash! 1…2…3!!!]
Rachel Maddow eliminates Glenn Beck via pinfall
[Limbaugh is up and he rams Matthews arm-first into the corner! Countdown! Sean Hannity! He goes after everyone except Limbaugh, then stares him down in the corner. Matthews is slumped against the bottom turnbuckle. Hannity offers his hand to Limbaugh! He pulls Limbaugh up and both men go after Arianna. They stomp him down then go after Matthews, ramming his shoulder into the post. They grind Moutilsas’s face into the chain and then choke him on it. Oh this is awesome, Moutilsas’s head is stuck in the chainlink while Hannity applies a Boston Crab and Limbaugh stamps on his back. Huffington and Limbaugh exchange rights until Hannity clocks him from behind. Limbaugh holds Huffington while Hannity lays the boots in, then they throw her to the grating. They throw Huffington back-first into the chain, and now Limbaugh is setting Huffington for the elevated DDT…he stops, goes to the grating and DROPS HER ON THE STEEL INSTEAD!!!]
[Bill O’Reilly in! Maddow flips over the back of O’Reilly but gets levelled with a clothesline. BIG flapjack by O’Reilly. Lionsault attempt, O’Reilly lands on his feet bit Maddow dropkicks the knee! O’Reilly rolls out of the ring to the grating, Maddow tries a springboard but O’Reilly ducks, Maddow holds on to the chain! O’Reilly yanks her off and Maddow lands face-first on the steel! O’Reilly takes her to the chain twice, Maddow rolls inside and O’Reilly hits a slingshot splash for 2. O’Reilly stands on Maddow’s back. Maddow fights back with some kicks but O’Reilly hits a snap mare and locks in a modified arm-in chinlock.]
O’Reilly: “ASK HER!”
[Maddow fights out, ducks a clothesline and hits a quebrada press for 2. Maddow avoids a charge, tilt-a-whirls herself and locks in a guillotine choke. O’Reilly rams Maddow into the turnbuckle to break the hold and then locks in the STF! O’Reilly breaks the hold when Laura Ingraham enters the match. But the extra help does him no good as he eats a dropkick, and another from Maddow. O’Reilly gets launched to the grating. Ingraham attacks Maddow and tries to lift her to the grating, Maddow lands on her feet! Springboard INTO A STIFF KICK by Ingraham! O’Reilly reverses a knee lift by Maddow into a schoolboy for 2. He whips Maddow in but charges into a boot, Ingraham to the top but Maddow jumps up with her and pushes him backwards into a pod! Maddow charges O’Reilly but gets lifted on to the grating! He pushes Maddow into the chain and sets for a flying double clothesline over the corner post! Got it! Inside he hits the standing SSP for 2. Maddow hits a back elbow to a charging Ingraham and ranas her into 619 position…again, she can’t pull off the move as O’REILLY intercepts with the spinning shock treatment! 1…2…no! He whips Maddow to the corner but eats the flying Chuck on her return! Maddow ranas Ingraham to the bottom turnbuckle! She puts Ingraham up top…here comes the super rana…INGRAHAM BLOCKS! Eskimo Pieface…CONNECTS! 1…2…3!]
Laura Ingraham eliminates Rachel Maddow
[The countdown starts as Matthews circles the door to Ann Coulter’s pod. Here comes ‘The Queen of Political Extreme and she is a house of fire. Shoulders and clotheslines everywhere! Right hand for Matthews! Throwback to Matthews… She takes him up for a Attitude Adjustment and drops him TO THE GRATING! Matthews has recovered enough to throw Coulter out onto the grating, leaving Hannity as the last man up. I think Moutilsas is still stuck in the fence. Matthews tries to take Coulter to the chain but it’s reversed! STF to Matthews! Matthews breaks it up! Chinlock backbreaker! He stalks Coulter and what? Rupert Murdoch is at ringside with a lead pipe! He’s trying to get Coulter’s attention and make good with the conservative movement but Coulter wants none of it, so Murdoch drops the pipe in the ring anyway. Hannity has the pipe! He nails…MATTHEWS! He covers Matthews! 1…2…3!]
Sean Hannity eliminates ‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews via pinfall
[Hannity levels Huffington as Matthews and Limbaugh stare each other down. Hannity picks up Moutilsas but gets countered with a headscissors back into the ring! Moutilsas…Trouble in Paradise on Limbaugh! 1…2…3!]
Markos Moutilsas eliminates Rush Limbaugh via pinfall
[Hannity NAILS Moutilsas with the pump kick. Power Bomb…connects! 1…2…3!]
Hannity eliminates Moutilsas via pinfall
[Guess who’s in? Keith Olbermann and the fun begins. Kicks to the chest of O’Reilly, he goes to the well one too many times and O’Reilly catches the leg! Leg trip by O’Reilly, he tries to lock in the Boston Crab. Olbermann bails and catches O’Reilly with right hands and hits an avalanche. Snake eyes and the big boot connects. Another boot for Ingraham, big leg to O’Reilly gets 2. Chokeslam time for Ingraham! O’Reilly and Ingraham work together and hit a double suplex on Olbermann. They clothesline Olbermann up and over, Ingraham with a Magistral cradle! 1…2…no! O’Reilly rolls outside then backdrops Olbermann to the grating. O’Reilly toys with Olbermann, which may go down as the dumbest move ever. Olbermann gets pissed and O’Reilly tries to hide in the pod…unsuccessfully. Olbermann pulverises him then hits an avalanche on Ingraham, and a second. Snake eyes by Olbermann and the big FLYING CHUCK! He nailed it! He’s selling the ankle injury though! Instead of the pin he goes for the Big Splash…KNEES! O’Reilly thinks this would be a good time to go after Olbermann, but Olbermann sits up in time and O’Reilly flees to the pod and closes the door. Olbermann looks out of it but throws Ingraham to the grating and stamps away. He throws Ingraham into the pod door and the plexiglass gives but does not go down. Olbermann goes for a power slam on Ingraham…O’Reilly charges and spears Olbermann! Ingraham hangs on to the chains as Olbermann charges O’Reilly…O’Reilly moves! Olbermann goes THROUGH the pod plexiglass! Ingraham comes off the chains with a crossbody! Ingraham and O’Reilly roll into the ring. Ingraham forgot about Olbermann and gets goozled! CHOKESLAM to the grating! 1…2…3!]
Keith Olbermann eliminates Laura Ingraham via pinfall
[Coulter gets hit with a knee trembler by Huffington. Coulter gets her up for the Attitude Adjustment but Huffington escapes and hits the uranage backbreaker again. Powerslam gets 2. She hangs Coulter in the Tree of Woe and stamps away, then snags Coulter for the sleeper…Arianna breaks off and low blows Hannity. PEDIGREE TO HANNITY! She drapes an arm over him! 1…2…3!!!]
Arianna Huffington eliminates Hannity via pinfall (Pedigree)
[Coulter struggle to his feet…STF! Huffington struggles and fights and struggles…Coulter holds on…Arianna fights for the ropes…Coulter wrenches back…Huffington looks to be fading…SHE TAPS!]
Ann Coulter eliminates Huffington
Ann Coulter wins the Left Chamber.
[Olbermann stalks O’Reilly, O’Reilly charges and eats a pair of rights. Corner beating by Olbermann now, he backs up and hits a running high knee in the corner. He tries a running boot but O’Reilly moves! He goes up top with Olbermann…superplex connects! 1…2…2.68! Knee drop by O’Reilly and some rights, he comes off the ropes GOOZLE! O’Reilly rolls through to the Walls! Olbermann counters with Hell’s Gate…BLOCKED! Sleeper locked in! Olbermann has nowhere to go! He rolls to his back and almost gets the Hell’s Gate, O’Reilly fights and uses the ropes as leverage to escape! He picks up O’Reilly for the power bomb…O’Reilly out the back! DDT! 1…2…2.9003! O’Reilly with the 10-count punches in the corner, Olbermann grabs on! SIT DOWN POWER BOMB. Wait! Rupert Murdoch with another pipe! Pipe shot through the grating, Olbermann ducks and O’Reilly CATCHES IT FLUSH! Murdoch can’t believe it! Olbermann covers! 1…2…3!]
Keith Olbermann eliminates Bill O’Reilly
Keith Olbermann wins the Right Chamber
[Media Matters’s Eric Boehlert runs out and tackles Murdoch.]
Suave: “Boehlert is laying a beatdown on Murdoch!”
[Murdoch and Boehlert brawl all the way to the back.]
Suave: “It’s down to Keith Olbermann vs. ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter. Mano y womano.”
Current TV’s Keith Olbermann
‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ Ann Coulter
Suave: “The gate goes up and it’s on! Olbermann and Coulter just pummel each other on the top level of these Twin Chambers of Extreme Doom!”
[Olbermann sweeps the legs out from under Coulter. Coulter lands hard but instinctly thrust kicks Olbermann in the balls. Olbermann falls over and he’s in a world of hurt. Coulter pulls out a cheese grater and tenderizes Olbermann’s forehead with it. Olbermann with a wild left hand sends Coulter and the cheese grater flying across the top of the cage. Then…
Fleetwood Mac’s “Don’t Stop” suddenly starts to play. The crowd explodes as a spotlight shines on a plaid shirted man with a Singapore cane and a cup of mocha in his hands.
Suave: “IT’S HIM! HE’S HERE! THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’ ALPHA MALE AND ENVIROMENTAL EXTREME HARDCORE ICON…
The Extreme Environmental Hardcore Icon Al Gore
The crowd sings the chorus “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow.” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the crowd and then crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion.
The Environmental Extreme Hardcore Icon walks down the steps to the main floor. At the bottom of the steps, Gore pulls out another container of mocha, guzzles it down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead. Gore then wades through the main floor crowd to the ring. He climbs up on the apron, pulls out yet another cup of mocha, guzzles that one down, spews it into the crowd, and then smashes the container on his forehead.
Gore immediately goes over to Beck and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him. Then…
David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell
…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Coulter. Olbermann urges them on while wearing the crimson mask. Shuster and Gore hold Coulter up. Olbermann can’t see very well. He charges Coulter. SPEAR!]
Sauve: “SPEAR RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE! HOLY CRAP!”
[Olbermann and Coulter land in the ring after going through the other levels of the cage. They’re both out. But Olbermann lands on top of Coulter. The referee makes the count…1…2…3.]
WINNER AND NEW KING OF EXTREME: Keith Olbermann
Suave: “I think they’re both dead. And if they’re not, they should be.”
Suave pulls out his cell phone again and tries to call Rick Perry…and waits…and waits…and waits……