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Attack Watch…Attacks!: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
Emlenton Civic Center
Emlenton, PA
Thursday September 15th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW…”

Suave starts to introduce tonight’s show but all hell breaks loose backstage.

BACKSTAGE
Todd Palin flings Joe McGinniss, author of the upcoming biopic ‘The Rogue’- about his wife Sarah Palin, into the wall.  McGinniss is already busted wide open.  Palin then whips McGinniss into the opposite wall.   Palin tells him to stop stalking his family.  Then he picks up a steel chair and blasts him over the head with it.  Palin shouts at him that he has a creepy obsession with his wife- ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin.  Palin pulls him up by the hair and throws him back at the other wall.

Finally, security and PCW personnel rush in and move Palin away.

Suave: “When the New York Times pans your conservative hit job book, you know you’ve got problems.”

Suave sends it to the ring.

MATCH #1
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I) vs.
Women For Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) vs. The Pinups: Sabrina James and Alicia Rowe (I)

Code Pink and List blast McGill and Kovalevski for coming to the ring wearing Army fatigues.   Then they criticize The Pinups for their ring attire which ‘promotes the objectification of women by men.’

McGill and Kovalevski looks at James and Rowe…they nod…and then they attack Women for Women.

…McGill and Kovalevski tie Code Pink to the TREE OF WOE and put a chair in front of her face.   Double baseball slide into the chair and Pink topples off the turnbuckle.

James and Rowe set Emily List up for…THE TARANTULA!  Rowe flips over the top rope and locks it in.   McGill covers Pink…1…2…3.  Women For Women Eliminated.

Chaos everywhere.  Kovalevski goes for top rope stunner.  Reversed by James.   James for her finisher…but Kovalevski grabs her…TWO HANDED FACE CLAW!  Rowe in the ring.  McGill tackles her…KATAHAJIME!  James taps.

WINNER: The Mercenaries (I) @ 8:36

Suave thinks the Mercenaries are gearing up for a title shot at PCW Lock and Load.

PCW CEO Barack Obama’s office
One half of the Political Pitbulls, James Carville (D-LA), is halfway out the door.

Carville: “…if you want to save your job, this is what you should do.  Fire somebody. No – fire a lot of people,  really.  Do it now.  Before it’s too late.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave reviews two matches that took place Tuesday night at a PCW house show…

Bob Turner (R-NY) vs. David Weprin (D-NY)
Turner controlled the match for most of the way.  The finish came when…

…Weprin looking for a top rope powerbomb…Turner turns it into a top rope Frankensteiner for the pin…1…2…3.  

WINNER: Bob Turner (R-NY) @ 8:25

Kate Marshall (D-NV) vs. Mark Amodei (R-NV)
This one wasn’t even close…

…Marshall walks over to Amodei and slaps him.   Amodei slaps on the sleeper hold.  The ref checks on Marshall!  He checks the arm! Once…twice…three times it falls.  He calls for the bell.

WINNER: Mark Amodei (R-NV) @ 1:01

Suave notes it’s been a tough week for the Democrats.

BACKSTAGE
Paige McGillicuty, subbing for PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein after he was assaulted by The Longshoremen (D) Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV, talks with Henry Waxman (D-CA).

Waxman said the Democrats would be back.  “The Republicans want us to repeal the 20th century, the New Deal, the Fair Deal, to turn us back to the robber barons running the country, and to eviscerate the environmental and other regulations to protect public health and safety.  And to cut spending in ways that would be very harmful to people who rely on government.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Howard Schultz (the CEO of Starbucks) in the ring.  Schultz pledges no donations until PCW has a bipartisan financial-security plan and a commitment to accelerating job growth.  He wants to know if anyone else will sign that pledge too?

Schultz:  “Why would I turn to activism? Because, like so many Americans, I’m outraged. Four billion dollars was spent during the 2008 election cycle, and an estimated $5.5 billion will be spent for 2012. Meanwhile, people are out of work, the economy continues to flounder, and nothing’s getting done in Washington. This is no longer a crisis of leadership. It’s an emergency. The lack of cooperation and irresponsibility among our officials today, as they have put partisan agendas before the people’s agenda, is stunning and outrageous. Just think about what all that campaign money could do for the education system, for the social services that our politicians are poised to cut. Just think about how petty bickering in the halls of Congress has degraded the brand reputation of PCW around the world. This might be the leadership we have come to expect, but it’s not what we deserve.”

MATCH #2
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX) vs. Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT)

-Texas Jack looking to bounce back from his first PCW loss.  Walker is just looking for a win, period.  It’s not looking good for both Walker and his benefactor Jon Huntsman right now.

…Texas Jack goes to the top, but Huntsman runs over and hits him with a campaign placard. Texas Jack no sells, does the 450 splash anyway.   Perry pulls Huntsman on Walker and Texas Jack hits both.   Texas Jack spears Walker through a table in the corner.   Cover…1…2…3.

WINNER: Texas Jack @ 4:17

Perry holds Texas Jack’s arm up in the air.  The Perry contingent in the crowd start to chant: “We got Jesus (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)  We got Jesus (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap).”

BACKSTAGE
Paige McGillicutty is with some guy dressed in red and black.  ‘AW’ is stenciled across the front of his shirt.  Paige asks him who he is.

The man answers that he is…

Attack Watch: “Get the facts. Fight the smears . . . and help stop the attacks on PCW CEO Barack Obama before they start.”

McGillicutty is speechless.

Suave: “Paige, ask him this.  Someone should let the Obama folks know that there’s a wacky group out there trying to portray PCW CEO Barack Obama as some paranoid delusional petulant narcissist by claiming he’s launched a website named “AttackWatch”.

Angry, Attack Watch walks away from McGillicutty.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave starts to introduce hour number two when he’s violently yanked out of his chair by Attack Watch.  AW decks Suave with a wicked right hand and drags him up to the ring apron.  He places Suave in the piledriver position- head between his knees, and piledrives him through the broadcast table.

Attack Watch climbs into the ring and warns everyone that from this point forward, any attempt to besmirch the good name of the PCW CEO will be met with the same force he used to put Suave through the table.

Attack Watch: “Join me- and stop the attacks on PCW CEO Obama before they start.”

The PCW Clean Up Crew and medical personnel rush to Suave’s aid.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave gets stretchered out.

BACKSTAGE
Attack Watch has Glenn Beck (R) up in the air with a double handed choke.   He slams him through a food table causing an explosion of flying food.

Paige McGillicutty comes out and takes over the announcing duties.  She notes that the next match was taped Monday night after PCW Extreme Political TV went off the air.

MATCH #3
REPUBLICAN RUMBLE from Tampa, Florida
’Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson- representing Herman Cain
’American Citizen’ Kevin Scott- representing Mitt Romney
Jack Schmidt- representing Ron Paul
Texas Jack- representing Rick Perry
Dann Armey- representing Rick Santorum
Average Joe- representing Michele Bachmann
Brad Company- representing Newt Gingrich
Jamie Walker- representing Jon Huntsman

Walker quickly eliminated.  Texas Jack spent most of the match fending off challengers.  Dann Armey was the next to go.  Then Brad Company and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson.

Michele Bachmann up on the ring apron with a 2 x 4.  She tries to take Texas Jack out.  Jack ducks and Bachmann clobbers her own wrestler, Average Joe of the Tea Party, instead.    Texas Jack heaves Average Joe over the top and he’s gone.

Down to Jack Schmidt (Ron Paul), ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (Mitt Romney), and Texas Jack (Rick Perry).   Schmidt suplexes Scott onto a ladder.  Schmidt throws Texas Jack through a table in the corner.  Schmidt goes to throw Texas Jack out.  Scott nails him from behind.  Scott and Texas Jack throw Schmidt through another table- this one outside the ring.   Schmidt’s out.

Scott vs. Texas Jack…again.   Back and forth.  Texas Jack to the top!  Scott stops him and gets a chair.  He smashes Jack with the chair, cover for 2.   Texas Jack gets a hold of the chair and blasts Scott with it.  Scott’s busted open.  Jack takes some of Scott’s blood and paints it on his face and chest war-paint style.  Jack with the chair again, swings, misses, and gets the ref instead.  Jack drills Scott with the chair again.  He goes for the pin…no ref! Jack covers again as ref is now up.  Scott kicks out.  They trade near falls and rollups before Jack gets caught in the American Stars and Fujiwama Arm Bar.  Jack passes out and gives Scott the win.

WINNER: Kevin Scott (R) @ 14:42

Mitt Romney (R-MA) gets in the ring and is very pleased with the results.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
Attack Watch has ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) up in a double handed choke slam position and puts her through another food table.

McGillicutty can’t believe what she’s seeing.  Then ‘Can You Hear the People Sing?’ from the musical ‘Les Miserables’ plays and Charlie Blackwell (I) limps to the ring.  Blackwell’s bandaged up from the attack on him by The Longshoremen (D-WA) Monday night.

Blackwell: “I know there’s been a lot of concern about how much a candidate ingrains him or herself with the religious right, fundamentalists, and the like. Personally, I’m more concerned about the political correctness left. If there’s truly a threat to your ability to think for yourself and engage in a free form exchange of political ideas, it’s coming from a political correctness movement who want to determine what’s right and wrong according to their agenda.  Hence the appalling violence on those speaking their mind by Attack Watch (D) tonight.  The PC movement is more dangerous simply because many of them are already ingrained in government; the so-called fundamentalists have long since been marginalized.

This ongoing demonization of the Tea Party, by left wing insufferable elitists and collegiate sociologists who have nothing in common with the people they purport to be studying and have their own agenda in mind to push. It’s another stark example of why we can’t have a rational conversation about politics because the purpose is now to conjure up ways of discrediting and destroying your adversary instead of debating ideas back and forth.

98% of people who are part of the Tea Party are fed up not with America itself but a corrupt political culture that’s completely disenfranchised middle America and has done so for the past 25 years. They are fed up with government spending more than what we bring in. They’re fed up with government allowing big money special interest groups to feed at will at the federal trough while middle America can’t keep up with the rising cost of living because thanks to insufferable elitists like Al Gore, who told us NAFTA was a good idea, much of the good paying middle class jobs left the country just like Ross Perot warned they would-”

Attack Watch comes out and gets in the ring with Blackwell.  Blackwell, backed by his Les Miserables, doesn’t back down.  Attack Watch smiles and attacks Blackwell.  The Les Miserables try to help but Attack Watch swats them away and then tosses them out of the ring.  Blackwell gets rammed headfirst into the corner turnbuckle and he’s woozy.  Attack Watch then whips him across the ring headfirst into the other corner turnbuckle.

This brings out ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido.  Escondido and AW trade punches.  AW kicks Escondido in the groin and then piledrives him.

This brings out Blackwell’s wife, Kenzie.  She pulls Escondido out of the ring and then tries to pull Charlie out.  Attack Watch stops her.  She yells at him and he pulls Kenzie into the ring.   Attack Watch lifts her over his shoulder…JACK KNIFE POWERBOMB!

McGillicutty is livid and starts shouting at AW to stop.  She then takes off running when Attack Watch comes towards her and that’s where the show ends.

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