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Alec Baldwin and Michelle Malkin Catfight: PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN (2 hrs)
UCF Arena
Orlando, Florida
Thursday September 22th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave in the middle of the ring to welcome everyone to the final show before PCW Lock and Load this Sunday night.   Suave runs down the card…

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. TBA

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

Suave comes back on and it’s time to go back to earlier in the night.

Alec Baldwin (D) comes out and he’s pissed about the execution of Troy Davis in Georgia last night.   He says Davis is dead and wants to know if Michelle Malkin (R) is happy.   The anti-justice haters won.  

Malkin walks out and wants to know what’s the deal with all the hate talk from all the Baldwin wannabes.  Let’s go all Town Hall on that supreme thinker, Michelle Malkin- a world class, crypto fascist hater?  Really? 

Baldwin claims right-wingers always hide the shameful policies of their nutbag policies behind “supporting the troops.”  He wonders if ‘Malkin will push the needle in herself’ on a man the former FBI director said might have reasonable doubt on his side.

Malkin tells Baldwin to direct his minions’ ire/rage/profanity/racism/sexism at the US Supreme Court, not her.

Suave comes back on.  And it’s time for our first match…

MATCH 1- GEORGIA ELECTRIC CHAIR MATCH
Alec Baldwin (D) vs. Michelle Malkin (R)

Suave says this match could be explosive…winner straps opponent in an electric chair

…outside the ring Baldwin lays Malkin on the guard rail and dives off a table onto her into the crowd.  Baldwin then put a chair in the ring and another under the ropes. He flies off one chair and launches onto Malkin in the crowd.  Unbelievable.  He sets Malkin on the second rope with a chair underneath her and dives.  The crowd roars when ‘The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)runs out and causes Baldwin to miss and hit the chair with his butt.  Coulter then nails Baldwin with the chair…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

…Coulter and Malkin gets up on the table and moonsaults Baldwin off the turnbuckle and through the table.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Coulter tries to drag Baldwin to the electric chair but the actor has a death grip on the ropes.  Here comes the King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D)!   Olbermann with a chair…*bang* right over Malkin’s head opening a big cut above her eye.  Blood was flowing. Coulter nails a moonsault off the top rope and nearly pushes Olbermann into the Electric Chair.

The rest of the Angry Left Wing Bloggers (Markos Moutilsas, Arianna Huffington, Jane Hamsher, Eric Boehlert (D)) spill down to the ring.  They’re joined by the Right Wing Brigadiers (Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Andrew Breitbart, and Glenn Beck (R)) and the referee is forced to call the match.

WINNER: No contest @ 17:43

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Replay from Monday Night
AG TEAM #1 CONTENDER’S MATCH
Corporate Might:  Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) vs. Big Labor/Triple R (D) vs. California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
…The CTU’s Andy Golatta hits a ‘Foul Pole’ low blow.  The CTU double team Big Oil and and get the first elimination of the match.  Corporate Might (R) eliminated.

At that point, Triple R attacks Big Labor.  The CTU and the Longshoremen quadruple team Triple R.  Triple R is thrown from the ring and Big Labor follows with the Longshoremen.  They drag Triple R to the back and the CTU gets the win via count-out.

Triple R (D) explains why he turned on the Democrat’s.  He says Democrats make unrealistic promises that they can never keep.  Triple R claims that when he returned to the D’s that he was promised a big push for the title.  Instead, he kept getting held back.  Tonight, is a night about real change that I can believe in.  Triple R rips off his shirt and pants and underneath he’s wearing his Rev. Randy Richardson (R) garb.  Richardson then brings out the God Squad (R).

Out walks Leader-PCW Executive Board Harry Reid (D-NV)and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA)Pelosi tells the crowd to ignore Rev. Richardson because he has ulterior motives. Richardson blames Pelosi and says she’s the one responsible for promising him the moon and then cutting him off at the knees.  Pelosi gets her feathers ruffled and tells Richardson he worked for her and she used him in the way she thought best.  Reid says he worked for him and if Richardson wants to leave, fine, here’s your parting gift.

At once, The California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D), Big Labor (D), and The Longshoremen (D) attack Richardson and The God Squad.  Just as PCW heads to commercials, the Republicans run down to make the save…

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Package
Linda McMahon (R-CT) announces she’s making a second run at the PCW Executive Committee.

Richard Blumenthal (D-Connecticut) vs. Linda McMahon (R-Connecticut) from PCW Extreme Election 2010
…McMahon to the outside.  Blumenthal with the baseball slide and takes McMahon down to the floor hard.  Now it’s Blumenthal who grabs a chair.  He raises it…he starts to swing…HE’S STOPPED?


Paul Levesque

Suave- HOLY CRAP!  HOLY F@#$#@ CRAP!  THAT’S TRIP-…ER…PAUL LEVESQUE!  HE’S HERE!  IN PCW!

Crowd- HOLY @#$#!  HOLY #$#@!  HOLY !@@#!

Levesque grabs the chair from Blumenthal who wisely returns to the ring.  The crowd goes off again when a female comes out and helps McMahon up.


Stephanie McMahon-Levesque

Suave- WHAT THE @#$#…THAT’S STEPHANIE McMAHON…LEVESQUE!

Blumenthal back in the ring.   Stephanie checks on Linda.  The elder McMahon then steps back into the ring.

Suave- Blumenthal looks a little unsure…kind of like that time Linda asked him how one creates a job.

They battle on the corner.  McMahon connects with a knee strike and a second one.  Blumenthal blocks a third one and hits a slingshot senton followed by a backbreaker.   McMahon hurls herself into the ropes but Blumenthal reverses a crossbody in midair into a power slam.  He covers.  McMahon kicks out at two…

Blumenthal ducks, spins her around, and slaps on the sleeper hold.

Suave- SLEEPER!  SLEEPER HOLD!

McMahon tries to reach the ropes but Blumenthal keeps her right in the center of the ring.

Suave- McMAHON’S IN TROUBLE!  SHE’S TOO FAR FROM THE ROPES…Oh, no.

Levesque pulls out a sledgehammer and climbs up on the apron behind Blumenthal.  He climbs into the ring and raises the sledgehammer.  Levesque swings…Blumenthal ducks at the last second…and McMahon gets it.

Suave- HOLY CRAP!

Levesque can’t believe it.  Mrs. Levesque can’t believe it.  McMahon’s out cold.  Blumenthal makes the cover…one…two…three.

WINNER: Richard Blumenthal (D) @ 11:49

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #2- Women’s Tag Team #1 Contender’s Match
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Korey and Kelly (D)

-winner gets the Merchants of Death (R) for the Women’s Tag Team title at Lock and Load.

…McGill dropkicks Korey Korver off the apron.  Double top rope power bomb on Korey and McGill covers her for two.  The Mercenaries double wishbone Korey, but Kelly breaks it up. Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List run.  Code Pink hits a Glitter Bomb on McGill and blinds her.  List goes low on Kovalevski and then hits a neckbreaker.

Kelly comes in and hits a a modified airplane spin on McGill.  Women for Women face plants Kovalevski on a chair set up in the corner.  Kelly and Korey hit simultaneous crossarm suplexes with a bridge to win.

WINNER: The Korver Sisters (D) @ 12:21

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BACKSTAGE
Jack and Joe Schmidt, the PCW Tag Team Champions, are unconscious on the hallway floor.  Above them…

Attack Watch (D).  He’s joined by The California Teacher’s Union (D) and the Longshoremen (D).   They mock the Schmidts and spit on them.

Suave, now finding himself without a match, improvises on the fly and decides to call for the Valora Salinas/Callie Urban title match from Missouri Valley Wrestling’s Arch Wrestling Madness PPV as a precursor to their rematch on Sunday at Lock and Load.

Mollie: There’s the bell and the match is on.  Callie Urban versus Valora Salinas for the MVW Title…lock up in the middle of the ring…

Callie and Valora grapple for position.  They step back briefly.

Callie then whips around and snaps off a spinning heel kick that connects flush on Valora’s jaw.  Valora’s eyes roll back and she drops to her knees.

Mollie: URBAN HURT HER WITH THAT SPINNING KICK!  Urban into the ropes…BASEMENT DROP KICK!

Everyone in the arena is standing now.

Valora is bent backwards and then the rest of her body spins around.  She lays sideways on the mat and blood appears on the left side of her face.

KGB: She’s been knocked out?

Callie immediately hooks the legs.  The referee slides in…one…two…

Mollie: VALORA GRABBED THE BOTTOM ROPE!

A roar from the crowd as a dazed Valora tries to pull herself up.  Callie doesn’t let up.  She runs at Valora and hits a step up Shining Wizard move that sends Valora right back down.

Mollie: GENTRIFICATION!  COVER…ONE…TWO…NO!   VALORA GRABBED THE ROPE AGAIN.

The left side of Valora’s face is now covered in blood.

KGB: Mollie, that cut looks ominous.  Could they stop the match?

Mollie: I presume so, Kevin.  Let’s look at the replay…

REPLAY:
On the basement drop kick, the edge Callie’s boots dig into the skin above Valora’s left eye and cause a nasty gash to develop.  Blood began to stream out.

Callie hooks Valora’s legs, this time in the middle of the ring.  The referee makes the count…one…two… Valora kicks out.

Mollie: Callie is keeping the pressure on…

…Crowd: This is Awesome!

Dropkick by Valora, running senton!  Callie crawls back into the ring.

Mollie: Valora pulls Callie up off the mat…DEATH VALLEY DRIVER!  COVER…ONE..TWO…NO!

Valora lifts Callie up…and plants her on her back.

Mollie: SPINEBUSTER BY VALORA.  COVER!  ONE…TWO…CALLIE KICKS OUT!

KGB: Not many people would get up from that.

Mollie:  TORNADO DDT!  VALORA COVERS…NO!  CALLIE KICKS OUT SOMEHOW.   VALORA IS THROWING EVERYTHING AT HER!

Valora pulls Callie up into a side headlock…

Mollie: IMPLANT DDT!  ANOTHER COVER!  YES- NOOOOOOOO!  CALLIE BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!

Valora leaves Callie in a sitting position and climbs the top turnbuckle.  She jumps forward and nails Urban in the throat.

Mollie: FLYING FIRECROTCH GUILLOTINE LEG DROP!  COVER……NO!

Valora slams her hand on the mat.  She slides out of the ring and grabs a bag of something from underneath.  Then she throws it in the ring…

…Callie places Valora in an inverted facelock, and hooks her near arm with her free arm.  Callie pulls backwards and up and wrenches Valora’s neck and puts her knee under her back, adding more pressure.

Mollie: DRAGON SLEEPER!

Callie pulls hard and Valora begins to fade.  But she continues to fight every stretch of the way.

KGB: She’s not going to give up.  Someone needs to stop this.

Valora tries to move towards the ropes.

Mollie: I think the referee’s a little confused about what to do, Kevin.

KGB: To me it’s pretty simple, Valora’s life is worth a lot more than a belt. The match needs to stop now.

Valora pushes Callie even closer to the ropes.  Callie with a head butt to the back of Valora’s head.  She shifts and wraps her arm around Valora’s neck, pressing the biceps against one side of the neck and the inner bone of the forearm against the other side.  Then she wraps her legs around Valora’s and squeezes hard.

Blood now pools on the mat where Valora’s face is.

KGB throws off his headphones and gets up on the apron, screaming at the referee to stop the match.

The referee takes a close look at Valora- she’s unconscious- and immediately calls for the bell.  Medical personnel stream into the ring and attend to the former champion.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT:
PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) w/Justin Sufferable vs.
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi and ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
-the four participants in the Lock and Load tournament face off.

Another wild brawl.

… Daniel-San unloads skillet shots to Tanaka’s nuts.  Bahama moonsaults Scott through the table.   Bahama manages to put Daniel-San through another table.   Tanaka drags Daniel-San up to the top turnbuckle…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER!  He covers but the ref is distracted by Mrs. Miyagi on the outside.  Sufferable goes over and nails Mrs. Miyagi with a chairshot.   Tanaka regains the referee’s attention…1…2…3.

WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 8:50

Suave takes one last look at the Lock and Load card:

The card for PCW Lock and Load this Sunday:
First round matches in PCW Lock and Load tournament
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match
PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) vs. The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)

PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)

PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

PCW Title Match
TBA vs. TBA

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