« BACK  |  PRINT

RS

MEMBER DIARY

Independents Flex Their Muscle: PCW Lock and Load 6- Part 2

DEMOCRATS LOCKER ROOM
Former 3-time PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D) gathers his stuff from a locker and stuffs it in a duffel bag.

Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) walks in.  She wants to know what he’s doing.  Tanaka, through his interpreter, tells her he’s just packing his stuff up.  Pelosi sharply tells him she expects Tanaka to be available to help O’Beck Bahama win the PCW title ‘since he couldn’t get the job done against Daniel-San.’  Pelosi turns to leave.  Tanaka glares at her as she goes.

BACKSTAGE
Radio Talk Host Dennis Miller (R-CA)
endorses Herman Cain (R-GA)to be the next PCW CEO.  Miller holds up a prospective bumper sticker for Cain, “Cain Versus Not Able.” 

Suave says Miller has supported Cain for several months, and even directed his listeners to Cain’s campaign website.

MATCH #6
PCW Tag Team Title Match
PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Vince Vaughn vs The California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/’The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor (D) and the Longshoremen (D)

Suave says this should be an all-out war.  The Schmidts, 3 time PCW Tag Team champions, took back the title from the CTU at PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed.  Now, the Schmidts find themselves up against not only the CTU but the unions fighting back to keep their political power

Suave adds the big question in this match is the big rumor that Charlie Blackwell, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables will intervene in this match on the Schmidt’s behalf.  If so, not only will there be plenty of action in the ring, they’ll be a lot of action outside the ring as well.

…Jack Schmidt with some boots to Malibu Dusty.   Andy Golatta in and delivers some chops to Jack.  Joe Schmidt with the blind tag and he and Jack hit Malibu Dusty with a nice double team cutter.  Cover…1…2…Big Labor makes the save.  Vince Vaughn yells something at Big Labor.  The CTU began double teaming Jack and Malibu Dusty starts to work on the neck of Jack…

…Golatta gets a right hand shot in on Jack.  Jack down; Golatta covers…1…2…Vince Vaughn makes the save?  Golatta grabs Vaughn and Malibu Dusty comes in for a double suplex.  But the crowd roars and it’s the Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R) w/Mona Lisa and Chris Christie (R-NJ).  Vinnie saves Vaughn and Jack tags in Joe.  Joe sets up Golatta for a neckbreaker and Jack chops him before he drops him.  Joe covers…that gets two…

…Outside the ring, the Jersey Boyz brawl with The Longshoremen and Independents Blackwell and Escondido go into the crowd with Big Labor and fellow Democrat James the Jeep Worker.  Inside the ring, Malibu Dusty hits a big suicide dive onto the Schmidts.  Golatta takes a running, flying knee smash and misses, hitting the corner turnbuckle.  The fans chant “PCW…PCW…”  Joe hits a flying bodypress on Golatta.  Jack hits a clothesline while Joe simultaneously hits a leg sweep.  Suave: “TOTAL ELIMINATION!”

Joe hooks the legs…1…2…3.

WINNER AND STILL PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) @ 16:33

The Schmidts celebrate as the brawling continues.  Then…

Suave: “IT’S ATTACK WAAAAAAATCH!”

Attack Watch runs to the ring and bowls over Blackwell and Escondido.  Clothesline to Vinnie.  Clothesline to Frankie.  Big Boot to Blackwell.  Big Boot to Escondido.  Kenzie Blackwell jumps on Attack Watch’s back and attempts to choke him.    Security steps in and tries to seperate everyone.

BACKSTAGE
PCW Barack Obama
talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.

Obama: “If we don’t prepare our people with the skills that they need to compete, we’re going to have problems.  If we don’t make sure that we continue to have the best infrastructure in the world, we’re going to have problems.  If we’re not continuing to invest in basic research, we’re going to have challenges.  If we don’t get our fiscal house in order in a way that is fair and equitable so that everybody feels like they have responsibilities to not only themselves and their family but also the country that’s given them so much opportunity, we’re going to have problems.  And so I am extraordinarily confident about America’s long-term future.  But we are going to have to make some decisions about how we move forward.  And what’s striking to me is, when we’re out of Washington and I’m just talking to ordinary folks, I don’t care whether they’re Republicans or Democrats, people are just looking for common sense.  The majority of people agree with the prescriptions I just offered.  The majority of people by a wide margin think we should be rebuilding our infrastructure.  The majority of folks by a wide margin think that we should be investing in education.  The majority of people by a wide margin think we should be investing in science and technology.  And the majority of people think by a wide margin that we should be maintaining programs like Social Security and Medicare to provide a basic safety net.   The majority of people by a significant margin think that the way we should close our deficit is a balance of cutting out those things that we don’t need, but also making sure that we’ve got a tax code that’s fair and everybody is paying their fair share.”

Chaz Bono Backstage
Chaz Bono visits PCW backstage.  Suddenly, someone runs out and shouts: ““Chaz Bono how low can this show sink! Well you have certainly addressed the gay community. Guess this will not be a family show any longer! Lost my family!”

Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins.

You got the look of a howlin’ wolf
I like it
The kind of eyes that could start a fire
Yes, I like it

Suave:  “IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!!!!”

A streetwise dynamo
I switch you on and I watch you go
A thrill to touch, you’re so hot
I’m coming for you ready or not


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I’m gettin’ ready
Livin’ on the edge of a dream
Gettin’ ready, I’m gettin’ ready
Oh, switch on your lovin’ machine

Crowd: What the #$##!  What the #$##!

Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
I can’t wait another day

The guy tries to escape.  The Extreme Equalizer grabs him and lifts him in the air.  Then WTF delivers a powerbomb and flips him off.

Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
If only you could stay
All night long

Replay: 7/18 PCW Extreme Political TV
Match #3 for the King of Extreme Title
Rush Limbaugh

Sean Hannity
Ann Coulter
Markos Moutilsas
Arianna Huffington
‘Hardball’ Chris Matthews
Glenn Beck
Laura Ingraham
Bill O’Reilly
Alan Grayson
Rachel Maddow
Keith Olbermann

Al Gore immediately goes over to Beck and starts caning the ever-livin’ crap out of him.  Then…


David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Andrea Mitchell

…the FOK News All-Stars come out and join Gore in the beat down of Coulter.  Olbermann urges them on while wearing the crimson mask.  Shuster and Gore hold Coulter up.  Olbermann can’t see very well.  He charges Coulter.  SPEAR!]

Sauve: “SPEAR RIGHT OFF THE TOP OF THE CAGE!  HOLY CRAP!”

[Olbermann and Coulter land in the ring after going through the other levels of the cage.  They're both out.  But Olbermann lands on top of Coulter.  The referee makes the count...1...2...3.]

MATCH #7
PCW King of Extreme Title Match
PCW King of Extreme Champion Keith Olbermann (D) vs. The Queen of Political Extreme Ann Coulter (R)

Suave notes that Olbermann has held the title since July 18th when he won a battle royale on PCW Extreme Political TV.  Now, he faces an extreme challenge from ‘The Queen of Political Extreme’ herself Ann Coulter.  Her recent Facebook remarks about Troy Davis the night he was executed show that Coulter is in rare form.  For his part, Olbermann continues to do the things he usually does, rip Sarah Palin, rip Republicans, but on a much smaller scale than before- on Current TV.  Can Olbermann’s usual schtick hold up against ‘The Queen of Political Extreme?’

The bell rings.

Olbermann has the FOK News All-Stars (David Shuster, Shannyn Moore, and Martin Bashir) with him. Back and forth to start.  Coulter lands a loud slap to Olbermann’s face.  Stand off, and the crowd cheers.  Chops in the corner by Coulter.  She goes for a 10 punch count along but Olbermann puts a stop to it with an atomic drop at 4.  Suplex by Olbermann.  He gets a chair and sets it up in the corner.  Sends Coulter in shoulder first.  Snapmare? Olbermann covers- Coulter kicks out at 2…

…Olbermann and Coulter trade punches back and forth.  Coulter with a bionic elbow, with a mule kick thrown in for good measure.  Shuster and Moore on the ring apron.  The Tea Party: Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, runs down and beats them to the back.  Olbermann distracted, Coulter with a chairshot.  Coulter covers…1…2…Olbermann kicks out.  Olbermann is bleeding.  Coulter with a basement dropkick.  She covers again for 2.  Olbermann goes for spinebuster, Coulter floats over and hits a neckbreaker on the chair…

…Coulter rolls under a Dragon Suplex.  She gets the Downward Spiral and then floats into the Koji Clutch.  The crowd now comes to life.  Olbermann gets the ropes.  Coulter’s got the cheese grater out…CHEESE GRATER!   Coulter with some elbows to the neck and folds him up with a SICK neckbreaker.  She makes the cover and here comes the FOK News All-Stars again followed by the Tea Party.  Average Joe, NRA, and McAvay pull Shuster, Moore, and Moore off the ring apron to the floor.  Olbermann’s distracted…Coulter with the chair…*WHAM!*  Olbermann’s down.  Coulter rolls him up…1…2…NO!  Olbermann kicked out.  The crowd can’t believe it.  Coulter can’t believe it.

Coulter takes the chair and slams it across his back.   Cover…1…2…KICK OUT!  Olbermann up.  Coulter with a side headlock…DDT on the chair.  Another cover..1…2…SHOULDER UP! Coulter with a rolling senton bomb.  Cover…1…2…AGAIN, KICK OUT!  Coulter slams the mat with her hand.   She slides out and pulls a table out.  She throws it in the ring and then sets it up.  Olbermann moving.  Coulter stomps at him and pulls him up.  She’s going for an Acid Drop…THROUGH THE TABLE!

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Coulter hooks the legs…1…2…3!  New champion!

WINNER AND NEW KING…ER…QUEEN OF EXTREME CHAMPION: Ann Coulter (R) @ 21:55

Coulter sits on the mat and tries to catch her breath.  The FOK News All-Stars are not happy and complain to the referee.

BACKSTAGE

Stephen Hill, a soldier stationed in Iraq who recently asked via video about the recent repeal of the 1993 law that banned gay military personnel from serving openly in the military, is backstage.   He tells PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein that he had to “lie about who I was because I’m a gay soldier. I didn’t want to lose my job.”

Two people suddenly let loose boos at Hill.

Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins.

You got the look of a howlin’ wolf
I like it
The kind of eyes that could start a fire
Yes, I like it

Suave:  “IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER- WHISKEY…TANGO…FOXTROT!!!!”

A streetwise dynamo
I switch you on and I watch you go
A thrill to touch, you’re so hot
I’m coming for you ready or not


Whiskey Tango Foxtrot

I’m gettin’ ready
Livin’ on the edge of a dream
Gettin’ ready, I’m gettin’ ready
Oh, switch on your lovin’ machine

Crowd: What the #$##!  What the #$##!

Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
I can’t wait another day

The guys tries to escape.  The Extreme Equalizer grabs them both by the throat and lifts them in the air.  Then WTF delivers a double chokeslam and flips him off.

Tear it down
There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down
If only you could stay
All night long

In the ring, PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D).  Urban makes it clear to her fellow Democrats in the back that she does not want any interference in her upcoming match against Valora Salinas.  She wants a clean match with Salinas.

MATCH #8
PCW Women’s Title Match
PCW Women’s Champion Callie Urban (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)

Suave reminds everyone at the last Missouri Valley Wrestling pay per view show, May’s Arch Wrestling Madness, Urban and Salinas put on a five minute exhibition of pure adrenalinized combat.  After getting cut in the initial seconds of the match, Valora threw everything she had at Urban in a frenzied attempt to end the match quick.  Urban held on and as Valora weakened took control of the match.

Valora has won titles everywhere she’s gone from Wrestling Midwest to High Octane Wrestling, the WfWA to Missouri Valley Wrestling.  Can she add the PCW Women’s title to that list?  Urban also has an impressive resume of titles to her credit from no Brand Wrestling to All-star Championship Wrestling.  This is shaping up to be a remake of the ages.

The crowd is on their feet.

DEMOCRATIC WAR ROOM
Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) is with Code Pink and Emily List.  Pink tells Pelosi Urban doesn’t want any help.  Pelosi responds that she doesn’t care and orders Code Pink and Emily List to make sure Callie walks out of that ring as the Women’s champion.

The bell rings.

Valora races across the ring.  Urban unleashes a spinning heel kick- the same move that cut Valora badly in their first match.  Valora ducks and sweeps the leg.  FIGURE FOUR LEGLOCK!  The crowd stands.  Callie has her hands on the ropes and the referee starts the count.  At 4.99999, Valora releases the Figure Four…

…Urban backdrops Valora and slaps on an Armbar.  Valora powers out and turns it into a side headlock.  Valora then goes off the ropes and shoulderblocks Urban.  A second attempt ends with an Urban Spinning kick that sends Valora to the floor.  Baseball slide by Urban sends her to the barricade.   Irish whip by Urban into the barricade.  The champion then  clotheslines Valora over the top of the barricade to the opposite side.   Urban on top of the barricade…LEG DROP!…

…Valora ducks a clothesline and a tilt-a-whirl.  She resists another tilt-a-whirl attempt by Urban and dropkicks the champion out of the ring.  Baseball slide by Valora sends Urban into the barricade.   SUICIDE DIVE over the top rope onto Urban and the crowd pops.  Urban leans back against the barricade and she gets clotheslined over the top…

…Moonsault by Urban!   She covers…Valora kicks out at one.  Moonsault legdrop by Urban.  Another cover…1…2…Valora gets the shoulder up.   She heads to the top again. Valora staggers to the corner and causes Urban to crotch herself.  Headscissors by Valora brings Urban crashing to the mat…

German suplex by Urban gets two.  Series of kicks by Urban.  Valora reverses a whip and charges into a tornado DDT.  Urban covers…Valora kicks out at the two-count.  Whip by Urban into the corner…here’s Code Pink and Emily List.  Urban sees them and doesn’t look too happy.   She whips Valora across the ring a second time.  Then walks over to the edge and tells them to get lost.  Valora roars out the corner towards Urban.  Irish Whip by Valora…no, reversal by Urban and she whips Valora hard face first into the corner.  Code Pink and Emily List climb up onto the apron.  Urban comes in for a splash.  GLITTER BOMB BY CODE PINK!  But who got it?  Valora is sitting on the floor.  Urban staggers back and she can’t see.  Valora swoops in behind her…TEQUILA SUNRISE!  Arm trap single leg Boston crab!   Urban’s trapped…SHE TAPS!

WINNER AND NEW PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Valora Salinas (I) @ 14:45

Valora runs right over and knocks both Code Pink and Emily List off the ring apron.  She takes the belt and holds it high in the air.

DEMOCRATS WAR ROOM
Pelosi is furious.  She reiterates to former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka that he’d better make sure O’Beck Bahama wins the PCW Title.

BACKSTAGE
PCW CEO Barack Obama is taking questions.  One man raises his hand.  Mr. Obama, raise my taxes, he says.

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein asks him isn’t he Doug Edwards, a major donor to the Democratic Party.  Edwards, caught, turns and runs out the door.  Then…

Suave: “ATTACK WAAAAAAAAATCH!”

Attack Watch lifts Bernstein up by the shirt and then gets attacked by the Tea Party.  Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay triple team AW who lets Bernstein go.  Attack Watch lands a right hand on Average Joe.  But McAvay has his trusty seven-iron with him and blasts Attack Watch in the back with it.

Suave calls the shot ‘well-struck’ as AW topples over.

REPLAY-earlier tonight: Daniel-San (I) vs. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
Tanaka lifts Daniel-San for a powerbomb.  Daniel-San flips over Tanaka and wraps his arms around his neck.

Suave: “TAZZMISSION!  TAZZMISSION!”

Tanaka drops to his knees.  Daniel-San changes the submission over to the LeBell Lock.  Schumer and Dean, the Massachusetts Bluebloods try to get to the ring but The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski run down and start whaling away on them.  Tanaka taps and that’s it.

WINNER: Daniel-San (I) @ 28:42

REPLAY-earlier tonight: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
Then Justin Sufferable climbs up on the apron.  Scott sees him and drops the hold.   Scott and Sufferable jaw back and forth.  Bahama from behind…BAHAMA BACKBREAKER!  Here comes ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R).  Here comes Texas Jack (R) with Rick Perry (R-TX).  Jackson there first and climbs up onto the apron.  Texas Jack arrives and grabs Jackson.  He pulls him off the apron to the floor and gets up himself.  Texas Jack with the chair.  He charges.  Bahama drops Scott back to a standing position and Texas Jack skulls him with the chair.  Scott down.  Sufferable drills Texas Jack with the Singapore cane.  Bahama covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D) @ 12:39

MAIN EVENT
PCW Title Match
Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi vs. O’Beck Bahama (D) w/Justin Sufferable

…Bahama cuts Daniel-San off and goes for the Super German Release Suplex!  But Daniel-San miraculously lands on his feet!  Bahama doesn’t know and turns right into a standing dropkick and the REVERSE FRANKENSTEINER!   Cover by Daniel-San only gets 2.  Bahama rolls out to the floor to regroup and talk strategy with Justin Sufferable.  Except that Daniel-San follows him…

…Bahama chops the crap out of Daniel-San to send him back to the mat.  Bahama goes for the Phoenix Splash but Daniel-San rolls away and his eats mat.  Both back up.  Bahama surprises Daniel-San with the wheelbarrow roll up into the AnkleLock.  Daniel-San responds by booting him away.  They trade kicks and Bahama catches the Pele and rolls right into the AnkleLock again.  Daniel-San grabs the ropes and the hold is broken…

…Daniel-San hits the BuckleBomb.  He tries a superkick but Bahama ducks and hooks in the Texas Cloverleaf.  Daniel-San tries to get the ropes but Bahama pulls him back to the middle. They repeat it again but this time, Bahama small packages.  1…2…Daniel-San kicks out.  And here comes the Labor Movement.  The California Teacher’s Union, Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, Union Maid, and the Longshoremen.   And next comes, Yamamoto Tanaka.  They surround the ring and suddenly Daniel-San finds himself in a bad spot.  Union Maid puts Mrs. Miyagi in a Full Nelson and then runs her smack into the ring post.  Next they climb up onto the ring apron.  Bahama isn’t doing much of anything at this point.

Tanaka starts to enter the ring.  He stops.  Looks back at Big Labor.  And then clotheslines him off the apron.   The crowd pops big.  The CTU attack Tanaka.  Tanaka powerbombs Andy Golatta through the ring table and then jackhammer slams Malibu Dusty through Suave’s broadcast table.  James the Jeep Worker runs up to Tanaka.  Tanaka grabs him by the throat, lifts, and choke slams him on top of Golatta.  Next, the Longshoremen.  Tanaka ducks a doubleteam clothesline.  He jumps both men and hits a bulldog on the floor.   Big Labor back up.  Kick to the groin doubles him over.  Power bomb on top of the Longshoremen.

Tanaka then leaves to a standing ovation from the crowd.

Back to the match, Bahama hits a superkick and flips him with a LARIATO! Cover gets 1, 2, –2.9.  More kicks from Bahama and he gives Daniel-San a second Lariato and an ENZUIGIRI!  He follows it up with a Doctor Driver.  Cover gets 1, 2,–2.999.  Daniel-San with a drop toehold and hangs Bahama in the Tree of Woe.  Daniel-San to the top rope… DOUBLE FOOT STOMP OFF THE TOP!  Daniel-San covers…1…2…  Daniel-San with another BuckleBomb and a superkick.  Cover…1…2…2.99999.   Daniel-San spreads his arms and lifts a leg up…CRANE KICK!  COVER…1…2…3!

WINNER AND NEW PCW CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I) @ 24:20

The crowd gives both men a standing ovation.  Daniel-San takes the PCW title belt from the referee and holds it up in the air.

Suave wraps the PPV up.

1) ‘The Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill (I) def. Casey Anthony(?)

2) Bristol Palin (R) def. Stephen Hanks (D)

3) Daniel-San (I) def. PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka (D)

4) O’Beck Bahama (D) def. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)

5) The Korver Sisters (D) won the PCW Women’s Tag Team Title from Merchants of Death (R)

6) PCW Tag Team Champions The Schmidt Brothers (R) def. The California Teacher’s Union (D)

7) Ann Coulter (R) won the King/Queen of Extreme Title from Keith Olbermann (D)

8) Valora Salinas (I) won the PCW Women’s title from Callie Urban (D)

9) Daniel-San (I) def. O’Beck Bahama (D) to win the PCW Title.

 

Get Alerts