Suave: “This past weekend at the PCW Value Voters show in Washington, D.C., not one week after the Chris Christie (R-NJ) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) announcements, another HUGE four-way free-for-all went down. Let’s go to the Charles E. Smith Athletic Center for all the action…”
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX) vs. ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA) and ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin vs. Jack Schmidt (R) w/Joe Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX) vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/’The Massachusetts’s Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
…Texas Jack and Kevin Scott throw shot after shot at each other. Texas Jack with the poke to the eyes. He calls for a chair. Rick Perry starts to oblige but gets cut off by Mitt Romney. Perry and Romney fight over the chair. Someone runs up from behind.
Suave: “THAT’S THE REVEREND ROBERT JEFFRESS!
Jeffress, a pastor at a Dallas mega-church, swipes the chair and bashes Romney over the head with it. Jeffress grabs a microphone and asks if the Republicans need a candidate who’s a good, moral person or one who’s a born-again follower of Jesus Christ? Scott slides out of the ring and confronts Jeffress. Jeffress puts his hands up and tells Scott the choice here is between a born-again Christian and someone who belongs to a religious cult. Scott grabs Jeffress by the shirt and wants to know just what exactly he means by that. Meanwhile, the referee is in the process of counting Scott out of the match. Jeffress defiantly tells him that Mormonism is a ‘cult.’
The count reaches fifteen and the crowd urges Scott to re-enter the ring. Scott turns to the crowd. Texas Jack, in the ring, climbs up to the top turnbuckle. Jeffress raises the chair and swings just as Texas Jack leaps. Scott dives to the floor at the last second and Jeffress ends up plastering Texas Jack in the kisser with the chair. The referee reaches 20 and Scott is counted out. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott eliminated.
Perry, hands clasped behind his head, can’t believe that Jeffress just knocked out Texas Jack. The referee does the perfunctionary 20 count and Texas Jack is also counted out. Texas Jack eliminated…
…’Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin heads up to the second buckle. But Jack Schmidt grabs her leg and throws her across the ring. Martin hits her head hard on the mat. Jackson blasts Schmidt from behind and starts laying in the boots. Jackson lifts Jack up for a Pizza Cutter. Schmidt dropped down and rolled to his corner. His brother Joe Schmidt hands him a brick. Jack takes the brick and smashes it over Jackson’s head. He drops to the mat and Schmidt makes the cover…1…2…3.
WINNER: Jack Schmidt (R) w/Joe Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX) @ 22:36
Suave calls it another ‘big win’ for Jack Schmidt, who’s more of a tag team wrestler than a singles, and Republican/Libertarian Ron Paul. He adds that it appears the Rick Perry forces need to do a little soul searching at this point with the first PCW show of 2012, Drama in Des Moines (IA) less than three months away.
Suave discusses the recent Occupy Wall Street (OWS) phenomenon that’s spread across PCW in the past week. Tonight’s main event is scheduled to be the OWS vs. The Tea Party in what is expected to be a wild match.
Last Thursday on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
…into the ring. Big Labor DDTs Walstreit. Dropkick by James. There’s a commotion…three men…no, three students do a nutcracker suite from the top rope on Walstreit.
Suave: “What the hell???
The student pull off their hooded jackets…their shirts read “Occupy Wall Street.” One student, Nate, has a chair. Another nutcracker suite on Walstreit. Shane and Adam, the other two, set the table on fire. Powerbomb by Big Labor through the table. Cover…1…2…3.
The OWS stand with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. Before Bernstein can even get a question out, Shane complains that the local corporate pigs across the street wouldn’t let them use the bathroom. Bernstein asks if he’s referring to the local truck and equipment repair shop that’s owned locally. Shane says yes. He then adds that the shop has a sign posted that says ‘restrooms for use by customers only.’ Bernstein asks what Shane’s point is. Shane says ‘It’s discriminatory!”
Bernstein then asks the OWS about advertising on Craigslist for protesters. All three feign ignorance over the Craigslist ads and then Charlie Blackwell (I) and his Les Miserables walk out to confront the OWS.
Blackwell and the OWS exchange verbal shots.
Blackwell: “Those on the far left and unions alike began this because people are waking up to the scare tactics of those on the left & would have voted them out come 2012.”
The OWS of course disagree.
Adam: “Democratic Party has always been the party of the people. The Republican Party is the party, of the wealthy, and the big corporations. I happy that the battle lines have been drawn. Occupy Wall Street is a populace movement, and the Democrat Party is the champion of the people. Attention corporate fat cats, and the ultra wealthy. This is only the tip of the ice burg. You’re going down, and you’re going to go down hard. Your greed is going to be your undoing.”
Blackwell again objects to the notion that the Democrats are the party of the ‘people.’ He says the Democrats have already tarnished the OWS by bussing in union thugs to parrot Democratic philosophy. The only way the OWS can remain valid is to be non partisan.
Now, Blackwell and the OWS are screaming at each other. The Tea Party: ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, Mike the Mechanic and Sheila the Secretary, and Average Joe walk out. Average Joe offers to give their spot in the main event to Blackwell and his tag team partner ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) so they can have the privilege of watching them destroy the OWS.
Charlie Blackwell (I) and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (I) w/Kenzie Blackwell and Blackwell’s Les Miserables vs. The OWS: Adam and Shane w/Nate (D)
…Blackwell has Adam in a side headlock. Nate up on the apron to distract Blackwell. Blackwell breaks the hold and goes after Nate.
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) races to the ring. Walstreit slides into the ring and bulldogs Nate. Blackwell ducks a clothesline and hits a hand spring enziguiri to Adam. Big Oil whips Shane across the ring so hard that he flies over the turnbuckle and onto the floor. Then Big Oil throws Blackwell out of the ring. Walstreit heaves Escondido through the ropes leaving Corporate Might the last two in the ring.
Suave: “Corporate Might stands tall and who knows what’s going to happen next. See you Thursday night for PCW Politics is War in P-SPAN!”