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PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Thursday November 10th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Suave recaps the first hour:
– Big Union celebrates the defeat of SB 5 by destroying two non-union PCW Hall workers
– The Longshoremen, Big Labor, and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/the California Teacher’s Union, The OWS, and the Maximum Leader of all Unions Richard Trumka defeats Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido (American Heartland Coalition) w/Kenzie Blackwell, Sheila the Secretary, and Blackwell’s Les Miserables
–Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) along with their new CEO Gordan Guyko watch the attack on the American Heartland and do nothing
–Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) and PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Kelly and Korey Korver (D) defeat Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R) in a handicap match ordered by PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL)
Suave mentions that tonight’s main event will be an over the top bunkhouse match taped last night just up the road at Oakland University between Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX), Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA), Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT), and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA).
He then introduces the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
Suave mentions that the connection with PCW’s upcoming Paper View show- PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville and that PCW personalities ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah are featured in the book. More on J v. P in the coming weeks.
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (R) vs. Samantha Stevenson (I)
…a LOT of stalling. Stevenson obviously went to the Larry Zbyzsko school of how to stretch out the start of the match. Martin took control after Stevenson took another walkabout for a nine count, returned to the ring, tried to exit again, and ate a Pizza Cutter for her trouble.
WINNER: Tessa Martin @ 7:55
Post match, the lights turn off and a small spotlight illuminates the door. A man dressed in a suit and bow-tie walks in.
Announcer: “I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the gods and all-father of creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky who is usually a welcome, nurturing presence and to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the ’50s. And just for your reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important. Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!”
Ten bikini-clad, and tanned, females enter the room with two men carrying a golden sedan chair holding a man dressed in long flowing robes. Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, children’s show host Happy Mango, and former Delaware Senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell follow him in. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and stands surrounded by his bikini girls, two golden sedan chair carrying guys, McDonnell, Nye, and Happy Mango.
Rah goes up to Martin and takes her arm and raises it in the air.
Suave again notes that we’ll be hearing more about the book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville in the upcoming weeks.
PCW CEO Barack Obama is in the ring to once again go around the PCW Competition to make a match when he’s interrupted.
‘The Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt’ Dawn McGill (I) drags Penn State assistant coach Mike McQueary to the ring. Obama objects to being interrupted. McGill tells him that she’s a veteran and tomorrow is Veteran’s Day so ‘piss off.’
Dawn McGill (I) vs. Penn State Assistant Mike McQueary
…despite McQueary’s plea for mercy, McGill locks in the Katahajime and doesn’t let go.
Soccer Mom (D) comes out with a loaded purse to confront McQueary. She yells ‘It’s for the children!’ and then whaps McGill in what appears to be a deliberate attack. McGill throws McQueary down and grabs Soccer Mom by the throat. Fireman’s carry into a Jackhammer Slam. McGill grabs Soccer Mom’s purse and blasts her with it. Then she covers McQueary.
WINNER: Dawn McGill @ 2:57
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with a bandaged up Charlie Blackwell (I).
Bernstein lets Blackwell vent…and does Blackwell vent.
Blackwell: “Here’s the bottom line, Big Labor Unions don’t give a crap about middle class values. What they care about is retaining their political power. Why else would unions from all over the country spend $30 million dollars in Ohio over SB 5? You can yak all you want about the evils of big corporations throwing their weight and money around to get their way; but you’re a bleeping hypocrite if you don’t recognize that big labor unions do the exact…same…thing.
Big corporations. Big Unions. No difference.
This entire week has been a stunning display of institutional arrogance from Penn State to big corporations and big unions facing off in Ohio over SB 5. When people are more concerned about protecting the entity versus doing the right thing and protecting people with no power from grade school kids from a sexual predator to disenfranchised citizens who have no representation in their own government thanks to big unions and big corporations money, it says everything with what’s wrong not only with our society but with our country.
Big unions don’t care about the fact that people continue to lose their homes at a staggering rate. Big unions don’t care about middle America drowning symptomatically as the cost of living rises. If they did care, they would have made the Democrats pay dearly for President Clinton signing off on NAFTA and starting the chain reaction towards the two Americas and the slow destruction of middle America we have today.
I mean, we already know where big corporations stand. Sweetheart deals that leave them paying little or no taxes. Anyone remember the AIG jerks who after we bailed big banks out (and we shouldn’t have), went on the 200K retreat? But big unions claim they are for the workers, middle class America. That could not be further from the truth.
Money. Power. Entitlement. It’s not just a big corporation value anymore.”
The forces of Big Union are furious. ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, The Longshoremen, Union Maid, The California Teacher’s Union (D), and the Maximum Leader of All Unions Richard Trumka comb the backstage area for Charlie Blackwell.
MAIN EVENT- Over the top Bunkhouse Match/Taped Last Night at Oakland University
Texas Jack (R) w/Rick Perry (R-TX), Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA), ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA), Average Joe (Tea Party) w/Michele Bachmann (R-MN), Jamie Walker (R) w/Jon Huntsman (R-UT), and ‘Pizza Delivery Guy’ Josh Jackson (R) w/Herman Cain (R-GA).
Average Joe and Jamie Walker exit early.
Jackson is nearly eliminated several times. Texas Jack tries to flip Jackson over the top rope and asks for help from Rick Perry. Perry comes over with a trash can lid and climbs to the top rope. He comes down and clocks Texas Jack by mistake. Jackson back body drops Texas Jack over the top rope and he’s gone.
Suave can’t believe the mistake Perry just made. “Inexcusable vaporlock at the exact wrong time!”
Even Jackson’s surprised. Then Magnum P.O.’d clotheslines him over the top rope. Down to Magnum vs. Kevin Scott.
Magnum came close to winning a few times, but in the end it was Kevin Scott’s American Stars and Fujiwara Arm Bar followed by a toss over the top rope that won the match.
WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott @ 18:24
Big Union has Charlie Blackwell cornered. Then, American Heartlanders Mike the Mechanic, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, Tea Partiers Average Joe, NRA, and ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) attack Big Union from behind.
Then the forces of Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit, led by CEO Gordan Guyko attack Blackwell as well as the show ends…