PCW B.A.S.S.- Hour 2
Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Monday November 21st
Host: Johnny Suave
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with this year’s NASCAR Champion Tony Stewart. Stewart describes the way he came from behind to catch Carl Edwards at the last race of the year.
The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, GreenPete, PeaceNick, and Peta from PETA walk out to protest Stewart, calling NASCAR fans a bunch of inbred redneck hicks. This gets Stewart’s hackles up and he turns to the back and calls for help. Two long-time PCW veterans answer the call.
Suave: “IT’S THE RAVING REDNECKS LOCKE AND LOADE!“
Gary Locke and Earl Loade come to the ring and attack the GWO. PeaceNick protests the violence in the ring. Peta screeches at everyone.
‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade (R) w/Tony Stewart
‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete of the Green World Order (D) w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA
…Stewart ‘smokes’…get it…nickname…never mind…Stewart smokes Lee with a chairshot and then Locke and Loade hit the Redneck 4-G Death Blast for the win.
WINNER: ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade @ 2:15
-an ad comes on for the upcoming E show ‘Kourtney and Kim Take New York.’
Kim and Kourtney, two thirds of the Skanky Rich Bimbos- valets of PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D), them come out to plug their show. Kim describes her and Kourtney as the ‘alpha-females of PCW. Not even two more words afterwards, the crowd roars when..
…PCW Women’s Champion ‘The Queen of Extreme’ Valora Salinas (I) comes out and wipes them out. She takes the mink stole that Kourtney wore and chokes her with it. Then she border tosses Kim out of the ring. Valora spits on both Kourtney and Kim and leaves the ring.
Coming next month: PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV. Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
PCW MEN’S TITLE MATCH
(c) ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) w/Skanky Rich Bimbo Khloe
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) and Robyn Masters
Chism, already agitated over the attack on Kim and Kourtney, becomes even more upset when Magnum comes out with Masters and then Gingrich. He calls for a microphone and tells Magnum he’s not wrestling him tonight. Chism says he’s not prepared for Magnum and would rather get his hands on Valora Salinas for taking out two thirds of his Skanky Rich Bimbos. But he knows that it’ll never happen because men are physically superior to women…*WHAM*
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Chism down and holding his head. PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas stands over him with a 2×4 and yells at him to get up. Chism tries to pull himself up with the ropes and Valora clocks him a second time with the 2×4 and sends him spinning to the mat.
Khloe jumps on her back and tries to choke her out. Valora drops down and sends her flying over her head. Then she slaps on the Tazzmission and chokes Khloe out. Chism tries to crawl over to help but can’t get there soon enough before she’s unconscious.
WINNER: No match
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with PCW CEO Barack Obama’s Aide de Camp Joe Biden (D-DE). Biden blames the Republican’s unwillingness to compromise for the breakdown of the ‘Super Committee.’ He launches into a tirade against the Tea Party and extremists when two police officers come up behind him.
One officer tells Biden he has a warrant for his arrest. Biden looks at him like he’s nuts. Then the officer explains…
“More than one-third of U.S. states allow borrowers who can’t or won’t pay to be jailed. Nationwide statistics aren’t known because many courts don’t keep track of warrants by alleged offense, but a tally by The Wall Street Journal earlier this year of court filings in nine counties across the U.S. showed that judges signed off on more than 5,000 such warrants since the start of 2010.”
The officer explains that the United States is now nearly 16 trillion dollars in debt and…someone has to pay for it.
As the officers lead Biden away, we go to the ring for the final match of the night.
MAIN EVENT- PCW TITLE MATCH
(c) Daniel-San (I) w/Mrs. Miyagi
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
Again, Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) interrupt the ring introductions. Pink demands to know why the PCW Women’s title isn’t being defended when there are perfectly good Democratic challengers for it? List blames the Republicans on the PCW Competition Committee for holding back women.
Suave: “Really? There’s no Republican women wrestlers?”
The referee tires of the interruption and calls for the bell. Pink and List scramble to get out of the ring as Daniel-San and Scott lock up in the middle of the ring.
…Scott goes for the American Stars and Fuji Armbar. Daniel-San grabs on to the ropes. After the break, Daniel-San sends Scott to the corner. A bulldog and a cover for 1….2….NO! Daniel-San with a body slam! He’s goes up top! Scott rolls out of range. Daniel-San goes for a missile drop kick and Scott nails him with his own standing dropkick! Scott rolls him up and locks the leg! 1…2…NO! Scott drops the elbow! Pin for 1…2…NO!
Scott sets up for the American Stars and Fujiarwa Arm Bar! No, Daniel-San with a reverse suplex into a pin for 1…2…NOOOO! Scott jumps up and is about to lock in the Dragon Sleeper. Daniel-San reverses it into a light powerbomb. Scott down! CATTLE MUTILATION! CATTLE MUTILATION! SCOTT TAPS!
WINNER AND STILL PCW CHAMPION: Daniel-San (I) @ 11:50
Post match, Women for Women attack Mrs. Miyagi outside the ring. Daniel-San goes down to help but gets pushed out of the way by PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas. Valora hits twin Bulldogs on Code Pink and Emily List and stomps away at them before security comes in and tries to pull her off as the show ends.
PCW off until next Monday and the road to the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV begins in earnest.