Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon
Monday November 21st
Host: Johnny Suave
Suave comes out to explain why PCW didn’t air last week. It was because the Super Committee, consisting of members of the PCW Executive and Competition Committees, couldn’t come to an agreement on how the show should go. So this week, the booking plans already agreed to earlier will take effect. What does that mean?
Suave announces tonight will be PCW Night of Champions at the Big Ass Super Spectacular! Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D)
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I)
The crowd explodes when McGill and Kovalevski walk out to take on the Korvers. But then Women for Women: Code Pink and Emily List (D) also arrive on the scene. Code Pink demands to know why the women’s tag team title match is opening the show? List says why can’t it be further up the card?
Both women sit down in the ring and say that they aren’t leaving until they get a satisfactory explanation. Not wanting to wait, McGill and Kovalevski drag both Pink and List by the hair and throw them out of the ring. The Korvers then pounce and the match is on.
…Code Pink and Emily List again back in the ring to assist the Korvers. But they get caught by McGill and Kovalevski who hit stereo DDT’s. Again, the Korvers take advantage and McGill is sent out of the ring. Kovalevski turns and tries to hit the Russian Sickle. Kelly Korver counters with the Korver Krusher and gets the pinfall.
WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: The Korver Sisters @ 18:22
The Korvers celebrate until they get blindsided by the former PCW Women’s Tag Team Champions Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R). Scott and Casey, who have issues with the Champions dating back to September’s Lock and Load PPV, gleefully inflict Death Spiral Drop on both Korvers. Code Pink climbs back up to the top turnbuckle and springboards RIGHT INTO THE DEATH SPIRAL DROP!
Suave says it not over yet between the MoD, The Mercenaries, and the Korvers.
Earlier in the day, Democrats pinned the failure of the 12-member Select Joint Committee on Deficit Reduction on the GOP’s subservience to Grover…
No, not that Grover.
No, not Grover Cleveland.
Suave: “Grover Norquist? Really?”
‘The Massachusetts Blueblood’ John F’n Kerry (D-MA) blamed ‘Norquist and his powerful organization’ for the Super Committee’s inability to reach an accord on future PCW booking.
Suave: “Seriously? Grover Norquist?”
Leader of the PCW Executive Committee, Harry Reid (D-NV), had this to say: ““I am disappointed that Republicans never found the courage to ignore Tea Party extremists and millionaire lobbyists like Grover Norquist, and listen instead to the overwhelming majority of PCW fans — including the vast majority of Republicans — who want a balanced approach.”
Grover Norquist, (R-Americans for Tax Reform) pushed back against the claim that he was pulling the Republicans strings.
Norquist: “Republicans] didn’t promise me anything. They wouldn’t have to worry about me, they’d have to worry about the PCW fans.” He then added, “Besides, it’s not like there’s someone pulling the strings for the Democrats…”
PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
(c) Jack and Joe Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX)
“The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class” Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) w/Richard Trumka
Paul and Trumka exchange heated words as the bell rings. Then Michael Moore, the token 1% of the OccupyWallStreet’s 99…er…67…45…8% ,leads the OWS: Adam, Nate, and Shane to the ring.
…again, the forces of Big Union are ringside and brawling with Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit (R), and Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R).
In the ring, Jack Schmidt goes back to the armbar on Big Labor. Never allowing the big guy to get started, goes for the Schmidt Brick and leads to a counters sequence with Big Labor. Schmidt’s brick gets broke and can’t get the Schmidt Brick afterwards. Jack makes the best of the situation by kicking Trumka off the ring apron for starters. He tags in Joe and the other Schmidt runs right into a bear hug by Big Labor who then spikes him with a Scabbuster. Big Labor covers…James the Jeep Worker holds Jack’s leg for dear life. 1…2…3!
WINNER AND NEW PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) @ 15:04
Trumka and the rest of Big Union celebrate in the ring until…
*”Can You Hear the People Sing?” from the Musical Les Miserables plays.*
…the arrival of Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) and his Les Miserables. Security stops them before they can reach the ring and Trumka tells Blackwell that he can’t ruin this night for working men and women across the USA.
PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein about Michelle Obama’s reception yesterday at a NASCAR event.
Obama says he couldn’t believe that the fans booed his wife and Jill Biden after ‘all that he’s done for them.’
Obama: “I mean, I actually had country and western singers at PCW Headquarters last night…
CEO Obama stands on the stage with Lauren Alaina, The Band Perry, Dierks Bentley, Alison Krauss, Kris Kristofferson, Lyle Lovett, Mickey and James Taylor.
“Tonight we are transforming the East Room into a bona fide country music hall,” he said, thanking the attendees for giving him “the best welcome home party that I’ve had in a long time.
Suave: “Okay, Alison Krauss, Kristofferson, and Lyle Lovett withstanding, the rest of that group doesn’t exactly shout out ‘country music.’ More like warmed over pop-crap. Back with hour 2.”