PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
Peoria Civic Center
Thursday December 1st, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave
Suave welcomes Peoria to an evening of extreme political action and sends it right to the video screen and the Huntsman Girls.
The Skanky Rich Bimbos: Kim and Kourtney…
…take the ring to a chorus of boos from the Peoria audience. With her reality show cameras rolling, Kim calls the crowd ‘a bunch of haters’ who don’t understand what it’s like to be her. She then calls attention to the twin attacks on her and her sister by PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).
Kim calls Valora a ‘wannabe’ who wishes she could be like her. Kim then refers to herself and sister Kourtney as the alpha females of PCW because ‘people like you are insanely jealous of people like me.’
The crowd starts a chant of ‘she’s a crack whore.’ Both Kim and Kourtney throw fits in the ring. Kourtney gets on the mic and tells the crowd they’re ‘pathetic haters who wish they could live the lifestyle they do.’
The crowd roars when Valora finally makes her entrance. Smirking at the sisters in the ring, the PCW Women’s champion makes her way up but finds six burly bodyguards blocking her way.
Kim then screams at her ‘I’m a brand. I’m a name. You’re nothing. A street urchin who holds a belt!” Valora shouts something back at Kim and the Skanky Rich Bimbo goes ballistic. “Get her!” she orders the bodyguards and they attack.
Suave: “Six against one? Yeah, that’s fair, not!”
Back from the break, the reality television cameras get in close to catch all the action. Valora seizes the opportunity and uses the cable to lay out two bodyguards. She rips a chair out from under Suave and starts blasting the other bodyguards with chairshots. After the last bodyguard falls, Valora turns to Kim and Kourtney in the ring and points the chair at them. Both SRB members look afraid until PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) snatches Valora from behind. Lift…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER ON THE FLOOR!
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Valora’s out. Chism pulls her up and throws her into the ring. Kim and Kourtney get in a couple shots. Chism gets on the mic and chides Valora for actually thinking that she, the PCW Women’s Champion, can compete with him- or any man for that matter. He slaps her face and the SRB get in a couple more shots. Chism calls for his bag and a ring tech throws it to him. He reaches in and pulls out a couple oven mitts. Chism says it’s time Valora knew her role and that’s in the kitchen. He puts the oven mitts on her hands.
Suave: “I love watching the left do sexism.”
Chism pulls out an apron next. He rolls Valora over and puts the apron on her. Kim and Kourtney laugh at the PCW Women’s Champion. Chism says Valora will never, ever be good enough to be in the same ring with him. He adds that Valora should go back home, have babies, and leave pro wrestling to the big boys.
This brings out The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I). Chism takes one look at the pair and runs for it. McGill and Kovalevski chase him to the back. Then…
Suave: “IT’S KRIS HUMPHRIES!”
Kim’s soon to be ex-husband runs in and Kim and Kourtney high tail it out of there. Valora stirs and wakes up. She sees the gloves and apron and goes ballistic. Then she sees Humphries and snaps. Kick to the balls, stunner, and the NBA star is laid out on the mat. She rips off the gloves and apron and takes off towards the locker room.
Suave: “Gee, I wonder if they’ll be an uproar over Chism’s, who’s a Democrat, comments from the Democrats. Or will they treat it like they do the comments towards Sarah Palin, Christine O’Donnell, and Michele Bachmann?”
Suave: “That’s what I thought.”
#1 Contender’s Match
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Replay: #1 contender’s gauntlet match from Monday night.
-Scott, backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) has Magnum pinned until Magnum’s valet, Robyn Masters entered the ring in her street clothes. One shot of pepper spray later, Magnum turns the tables and wins the match and the #1 contendership.
Suave explains that before the show, Scott demanded, and was granted, a rematch against Magnum P.O.’d.
…Scott covers…1…2…Magnum kicks out! Scott stomps Magnum in the corner. Masters climbs up on the apron and shouts something at Scott. Scott goes for a whip. Magnum powers out of it and he hits a few clotheslines. Magnum for the Porsche Plunge, hits it! Pin. 1…2….3!!
WINNER: Magnum P.O.’d @ 9:17
Magnum celebrates with Gingrich and Masters in the ring. Then…
Ron Paul (R-TX) cuts a promo on Gingrich calling him a “serial hypocrite.” Paul says Gingrich blames the government for the mortgage crisis while forgetting about his lucrative ties to Freddie Mac. Paul accuses him of “flipping and flopping.
Gingrich calls Paul a perennial fringe candidate. Paul challenges him. Gingrich accepts.
The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe (R) w/Jim Schmidt and Ron Paul (R-TX)
‘The Raving Rednecks” Locke and Loade w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
…Gingrich in the corner, trying to take the cover off the top turnbuckle. Ron Paul tosses in a chair! Jack Schmidt grabs it and nails Earl Loade in the back! Schmidt with a quick roll-up for 1…2..NO! Jack with a back breaker and another cover…1….2…NO! Paul exhorts Jack Schmidt on. Wait a minute. It’s Magnum P.O.’d (R)! He slams Schmidt into the exposed turnbuckle! Loade lifts Jack up; Gary Locke in the ring…Redneck 4-D Deathblast onto the exposed turnbuckle! Good night. Loade covers…1…2….3!
WINNER: Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R) @ 7:54
Suave: “It’s another win for PCW Originals ‘The Raving Rednecks’ Locke and Loade! Could another run towards the elusive PCW Tag Team title be in their future? Stay tuned.”
END OF HOUR ONE