Democrats 3-Way Dance/Rick Perry Quits: PCW Politics is War
Crowd: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”
Johnny Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN. The PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) is on his way to the ring with Mrs. Miyagi and Suave reminds everyone what happened Monday night.
Replay-PCW Extreme Political TV
Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein. He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else. Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion. Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.
Daniel-San gets on the mic and publicly apologizes to Mrs. Miyagi for the way he acted. He blames the extreme pressure of being the PCW Champion for him snapping like that. Daniel-San tells the fans he’s lived out his dreams being the champion and he just had a bad night.
Mrs. Miyagi accepts his apology and both head to the back. Daniel-San holds up his PCW title belt before disappearing into the back.
Suave: “Tonight on PCW Politics is War, Daniel-San and PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will sign off on Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter. Stay tuned for that.”
To the ring…
The crowd dumps all over the captain as he and his blond bombshell Dominica Cermotan come to the ring.
PBR (I) w/Chief vs. James the Jeep Worker (D)
PBR– HT: 6’0” WT: 220, HOME: Huntington, W.Va
James the Jeep Worker– HT: 5’10″, WT: 221, HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Picket Line
There’s spectulation that PBR may be signing on with the American Heartland Coalition according to Suave.
The match is a wild mishmash with little in ring activity. Then Big
Union (D) hits the ring and all hell breaks loose.
[…’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big
Labor hits PBR with the Scabbuster! Union Maid in the ring. Here comes the California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty! Golatta…FOUL POLE ON CHIEF! Chief doubles over from the deliberate low blow by the Foul Pole. Big Labor and Golatta hold PBR up so James the Jeep Worker can hit the Picket Line on him…]
Captain Schettino tries to restore order…unsuccessfully.
[…The American Heartland Coalition races to the ring: Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables, Mike the Mechanic with
*Bobby Bare‘s “Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila” plays over the loudspeakers*
…along with the Walker Brothers: Ronnie and John. Blackwell with the steel chair *WHAP* down goes James the Jeep Worker. *WHAP*
Down goes Malibu Dusty! *ZZZZZAP* Mike the Mechanic shocks Big Labor with his Jumper Cables. Democrats and Republicans converge on the ring and it’s a near riot.]
Captain Schettino throws his arms up. He hops out of the ring, grabs the
blonde bombshell, and heads to the back. However, he’s met on the ramp by PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH).
Boehner demands that Schettino returns to the ring and help restore order. Schettino refuses and takes off up the ramp to the back.
Costa Concordia Tragedy: Capt. Francesco Schettino Sparks Outrage
Francesco Schettino vs. Lord Jim: The one literary reference you
Domnica Cemortan Photos Defend Francesco Schettino on Facebook
Moronic Statement o’ the Year (Francesco Schettino Edition
Ask any mermaid
you happen to see
what’s the best tuna?
Chicken of the
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews
the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R). Palin tells Bernstein that if she had a preference, that Newt Gingrich led wrestler K-Roy (R) would come out on top on Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter to ‘keep the process going.’ Palin stated she wants ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Mitt Romney’s wrestler, to continue to have an array of conservative competition.
Palin: “This process should keep going because iron sharpens iron and steel sharpens steel.”
CSM- Did Sarah Palin Endorse Newt Gingrich or Not?
Gingrich on Palin: I would ask her to consider taking a major role in …
Newt Gingrich: Palin’s Comments Are a Signal to Conservatives to …
Daily Kos: Newt Gingrich Promises Palin a Presidential Appointment
The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Daily Kos Markos Moutilsas, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters for America, Arianna Huffington, and Jane Hamsher of Firedog.com march out with PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D). Chism says Palin has endorsed Gingrich and it’s okay, two self aggrandizing attention seekers sticking together.
Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) then walks down to the ring. She points out that Palin & Gingrich are both unconventional, they
don’t fit into the mold of your typical Washington insider, and they’re not
afraid of a woman. Chism says Palin is a poor excuse for a woman and tells Jones to get out of his ring. Jones dares him to do something about it. Chism slaps her in the face. Jones kicks him in the groin.
A referee slides into the ring but before anything else can happen, PCW
Security run to the ring and drag the Eskimo Queen out. PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out and informs Chism that if he’s going to fight anyone tonight, it’s going to be fellow Democrats Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama.
Biden: “You’ve been complaining about not getting your due respect. Tonight, we’re going to settle this once and for all. Per PCW CEO Barack Obama, the winner of this match will become the Democrats #1 wrestler.”
As Tanaka and Bahama come down the ramp, Biden recognizes a group flown in to see the show from San Francisco, California. He flashes them a thumbs up and congratulates them on their football team’s success. Biden then adds, “The Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl!”
Bahama and Chism both facepalm themselves.
Rick Perry (R-TX) is in the ring with his wrestler Texas Jack and he
announces that he’s dropping out of the contest to be the Republican
representative to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.
Perry: “I have come to the conclusion that there is no viable path forward
for me in 2012. I know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat.”
Perry thanks Texas Jack and then leaves the ring.
Perry bows out of GOP race
Perry Drops Out. Endorses Newt. Will Campaign and Serve.
Perry: Newt is GOP ‘visionary’
GOP 2012: Perry dropping out; Newt’s
scorched-earth karma; and a Final Four debate; Update: Perry endorses
Cathy- the Obnoxious, Bitchy Dance Mom vs. Abby Lee- the
Over the Top, Autocratic Dance Company Owner
Suave: “What the hell is this all about?”
Suave: “As I said, what the hell is this all about?”
[The bell rings and both Abby Lee and Cathy start insulting each other…
*’Meaning of Life’ by Disturbed begins to play*
PCW Women’s Champion, PCW’s ‘Queen of Extreme’ Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring. Cathy demands to know what she’s doing there.
Valora whips her into the ring corner. Then she grabs Abby Lee by the arm and whips her and her sizeable girth into Cathy.]
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
[Valora grabs a chair from the outside and slides back in. She tosses the
chair in the air and hits a standing dropkick onto the chair and smashes it into both women.]
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
‘Focus on the Family’ founder Dr. James Dobson, flanked by The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) and The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe, talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. Dobson endorses Rick Santorum (R-PA) for the Republican nominee for PCW CEO.
Dr. Dobson: “Not only is Rick Santorum an authentic conservative; Rick
Santorum is the authentic winner of Iowa. Look at this…”
Replay: Drama in Des Moines (IA)
Scott gains the upper hand late and Santorum sneaks in and blows blinding powder into Scott’s eyes. Scott can’t see and Richardson gets ready to drill him with a steel-folding chair.
Dr. Dobson explains that in reality Scott’s shoulders were on the mat for 3
seconds and the referee should have called the match for Rev.Richardson. He calls for Rick Perry and his supporters to join the one, true ‘conservative- Rick-”
Perry, Gingrich, and Palin walk past the ring.
Suave: “What was that, Dr. Dobson?”
MAIN EVENT- 3 Way Dance- non title
Winner Becomes the Democrats #1 Wrestler
Yamamoto Tanaka (D) vs. PCW Television Champion
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)
[…Tanaka has Chism in trouble. Bahama hangs back and waits. Tanaka on the top rope…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER ON THE WAY!.
Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America and advocate for SOPA runs to the ring with a steel folding chair. He climbs in the ring and blasts Tanaka from behind with the chair. Tanaka drops Chism who falls back into the ring and falls out of the ring. Dodd then turns to Bahama and clocks him with the chair. Bahama down. Dodd rolls Chism over on top of Bahama…1…2…3.]
Bahama eliminated at 7:19.
[Tanaka, angry after the chair shot, climbs back into the ring. Chism takes
the chair and waffles him a second time with it. Tanaka slumps over the top rope. Chism drags him over the top and back into the ring. He
WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @
Dodd gets on the mic afterwards and complains that blackout day is a “dangerous” “gimmick” “designed to punish elected and administration
officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign
Dodd: “It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services. It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today. It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.”
Suave: “I’m sorry, is this the same guy who got special treatment from
subprime mortgage companies during the friggin’ meltdown? Really?”
Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing
After Dodd exits, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I), accompanied by Mrs. Miyagi, walks out for the Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing for Saturday. Soon after, Valora joins him.
Daniel-San and Valora both sign the contract. Before anyone can say
anything, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. attack again.
Daniel-San gets laid out. Valora fights back and takes out three of the four
Cobra Cons before the fourth connects with a spinning heel kick and knocks her out. Creese and the Cobra Cons stand tall in the ring as the show ends.