Hello and welcome to another PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN report. Tonight’s show from Lawton, Oklahoma started with a 10 bell salute to the late, great boxing trainer, Angelo Dundee.
Then on the big screen…
Donald Trump (R)
That’s right. The Donald himself. Showing up at the back door of the Coliseum, Trump was hustled into the building by security.
‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave wondered why the Donald was here tonight. Then Newt Gingrich (R-GA) appeared in the back and went skipping through the hallway. Suave put one and one together and surmised that the Donald was here tonight to deliver some much needed help to the Gingrich campaign by giving him his endorsement.
This match got off to a bizarre start when Barr joined Dr. Lecktor in the ring and announced she was running for PCW CEO with the Green Party.
And of course, the referee delivered the prefunctionary warning to Dr. Lecktor that any attempt to remove her mask would result in an immediate disqualification. As always, FBI Agent Starling stood nearby with her cattle prod just in case.
End of match…
[...Dallas hits a springboard bulldog and slams Dr. Lecktor's head onto the mat. Dr. Lecktor adjusts her mask and then kicks Dallas in the groin. Mule kicks by Dr. Lecktor sends Dallas reeling into the ropes. Lecktor throws the Texas Cowgirl to the mat and locks in the Hell's Gate. Referee checks for a tap out...Dr. Lecktor cinches it tighter...Dallas has no choice but to tap. ]
WINNER: Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor (Green Party) @ 6:11
So, Dr. Lecktor gets her first win in PCW in some time. Post match, she beats on Dallas some more, while Roseanne celebrates outside the ring by screeching annoyingly at the top of her lungs, and then the doctor begins to take her mask off. FBI Agent Starling wastes no time in cattle prodding Dr. Lecktor into submission. One hoped that Agent Starling would do the same to Roseanne- but no luck.
Next, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena coming off a very successful night at PCW Tussle in Tallahassee.
MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)
The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp. First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons. The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp. Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus. Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order. K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.
Romney, with the Republican establishment firmly behind him, said that he was on such a roll right now that he’s worried about winning the nomination to become the Republican challenger to Barack Obama in November about as much as he’s worried about poor people.
Romney tried to walk back the whole ‘not worried about the poor thing’ but in the end his staff whisked him off into a meeting.
In the back, PCW’s intrepid Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviewed Democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi about the defection of the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka to the Republicans.
Pelosi was predictably outraged that Tanaka would take this…
Um…wrong currency guys.
Pelosi was offended that Tanaka took a briefcase full of cash from the Republicans and made the switch. When Bernstein reminded her that it was the Democrats and their Super PAC’s who used a briefcase full of cash to entice Tanaka to their side earlier, Pelosi responded with this:
“Well, at least we did it for the right reason.”
As for the Republicans, they too had to deal with a significant defection from Tuesday night’s show- the loss of longtime stalwart ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…
…Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment. He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.
Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.) What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”
Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans.
Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told Fox News hot newsbabe Megyn Kelly
McConnell: “It’s not like Kevin Scott hasn’t pulled this #@$# before. He once quit and joined the Democrats for a short time before crawling on his hands and knees back to the Republicans. Kevin Scott needs to realize that this isn’t about him. It’s all about putting Republicans in position of power and winning titles and if he’s not up to the task then I’m glad he’s gone. We’re getting the better of a Scott for Tanaka trade off.”
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Daniel-San (R)
PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D)
PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#3- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
#4- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
#5- Charlie Blackwell (I)
TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#2- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#3- Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Union Maid (D)
#5- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)
Big shake up in the single’s rankings as Chism and Tanaka rejoin the top 5. K-Roy drops out and O’Beck Bahama retired from competition.
Chism and Tanaka didn’t like each other when they were both Democrats. Now that Tanaka’s aligned with the Republicans, that hatred should ratchet up a few more notches.
‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger (D)
Blue Dog D (D) w/Heath Shuler (D-NC)
Metzger is an up and comer who hasn’t quite hit his stride yet. Blue Dog D has been on the downslide for over six months now.
[...Metzger kicks Blue Dog D in the groin and follows with a dragon suplex. Metzger then hits the handspring moonsault. Metzger locks in the Red Tape submission on Blue Dog D and makes him tap out. ]
WINNER: ‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger @ 3:39
As Metzger celebrates his win, Heath Shuler takes the microphone. He announces that both he and Blue Dog D are leaving PCW.
Finally, the moment we’ve waited for.
Donald Trump’s procession makes its way to the ring. Trump, leaving a trail of cash behind him, and his entourage climb into the ring, followed a few feet back by Newt Gingrich and K-Roy (R). Gingrich has a huge grin on his face and Suave comments that he knows Gingrich thinks he’s back in contention now with Trump in his corner.
Trump: “Ladies and gentlemen. After great thought and consideration, I have decided that I, Donald J. Trump, will endorse…
By this point, Gingrich is hopping up and down like a jack in a box in the ring.
Trump: “Mitt Romney.”
Romney strolls out to the ring and shakes Trump’s hand while a stunned Gingrich watches.
Trump: “Mitt is tough, he’s smart, he’s sharp and he’s not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country we all love. Go out and get ‘em. You can do it.”
Suave: “Gingrich can’t believe it! K-Roy is pissed. Trump endorses Romney….”
And we’ll see you Saturday at PCW Reno Rage for the big showdown.