Republican Contest in Flux: PCW Extreme Political TV
Hello and welcome to another edition of PCW Extreme Political TV recap. Tonight’s show started off with a super special treat!
Suave: We have a special treat tonight! The first time PCW has ever broadcast a match from Munich, Germany. Let’s go to the ring.
Suave: What? That was supposed to be a press conference? Really?
Big Oil: Good news! Tom Kloza of the Oil Price Information Service that tracks crude, wholesale, and retail prices predicts that we will possibly have RECORD GAS PRICESTHIS SUMMER! Isn’t that great?
The crowd boos very loudly.
Big Oil: Oh, shut up. You know that no matter how high the gas prices go, you’ll still fill up the ol’ car and drive. You’re sheep- and your addiction to your automobiles is going to make me a very rich man this year!
More boos. Now debris is being thrown in the ring.
Suddenly, Mitch Thomas- the American Taxpayer runs in with a steel folding chair and blasts Big Oil over the back with it.
Suave: HOLY CRAP! WE’VE GOT A MATCH!
Big Oil (R) w/Kirk Walstreit
Mitch Thomas- The American Taxpayer
Big Oil turns around and snatches the chair from Thomas’s hand. He smiles and blasts Thomas on the top of the head with the chair and he’s out. Big Oil puts his foot on Thomas’s throat…the referee counts to 3 and that’s it.
WINNER: Big Oil @ :25
And that was that…or was it?
Big Oil spikes Thomas with the Oklahoma Driller and now he’s in bad shape. Walstreit kicks away at the American Taxpayer.
Suave: THIS SUCKS! THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT BIG OIL AND WALL STREET HAVE DONE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE!
*Can You Hear the People Sing’ from the musical ‘Les Miserables’ plays*
Charlie Blackwell, Mike the Mechanic, and Dave the Mechanic run down to make the save.
Replay: Last week’s PCW Extreme Political TV
Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand. He climbs the top turnbuckle…SPLASH! Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?
Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.
Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so. Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil. He doesn’t see Tanaka. HOLY CRAP!
From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad habit with the Scorpion Death Drop.
Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER! Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he makes the count…1…2..3.
WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02
So, Texas Jack (R) responded in the only he knew how.
Texas Jack throws D.B. Ruff of Arizona’s Rough Justice into the lockers in the Republican Establishment’s locker room. Connor Justice tries to taser him but Texas Jack kicks it out of his hand. Right hand by Texas Jack. Then he takes the taser and uses it on Justice. Security rushes in and Texas Jacks tasers the whole lot of them.
More bad news for Mitt Romney (R) though.
So, in a process that was supposed to benefit Romney, it’s clear that four men (Romney, Gingrich, Ron Paul, and Rick Santorum) are very much alive.
Then this little incident took place…
Some guy in the audience is getting ready to enjoy his beer and hot dogs. Peta from PETA and Politically Correct: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Taylor-Thomas and Soccer Mom (D) confront him and take his beer and hot dogs away. Then they hand him more nutritous options. Peta from PETA approves- just like she approves of the North Carolina school that took a 4 year old’s lunch away and replaced it with a state approved cafeteria lunch.
Peta from PETA: If parents are too stupid to properly feed their children the state mandated, nutritious food they’re supposed to, then the schools should take the children’s inappropriate lunch away and make them eat the politically correct food.
Not everyone in the crowd agreed. Two surprise visitors from PCW past reappeared.
Al Cahall and Nic Koteen aka…Politically Incorrect…run in with beers and brats for the guy. Cahall decks New Age Sensitive Guy and Koteen chases Soccer Mom from the arena.
Of course, Peta from PETA was not pleased and vowed to make sure that the Federal Government mandates to people what they should and shouldn’t eat. Suave was less than impressed.
Then ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) made his first appearance since quitting the Republicans.
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
…Scott takes control and hits K-Roy with the Doctor Bomb in the corner. Scott catches him with a chop block to the kneecap and locks in the Ankle Lock and forces K-Roy to tap.
WINNER: ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I) @ 9:20
So Kevin Scott gets a win in his first match back. Of course, the big question is with the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka now on the Republican’s side, does Scott go over to the Democrat’s? Or will he stay Independent?
As PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular draws near, Mitt Romney (R-MA), Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republcan Establishment head to the ring to attempt to reassure supporters the Romney has everything under control. They even bring out supporter Mike DeWine (R-OH) as reinforcement.
Romney: …so, as you can all see, despite our recent setbacks, we are still on pace to be Barack Obama’s (D-IL) opponent in-…
DeWine attacks Romney out of the blue and then…
Suave: IT’S A-BOMB! AND HE IS ON…
Both A-Bomb and Daisy wipe out Tanaka. Romney was pulled from the ring by the Establishment and hightailed it to the back.
Suave: A-BOMB LIFTS TANAKA UP! ATOMIC POWERBOMB! THIS THING ISN’T OVER BY A LONG SHOT!