PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular
Tuesday March 6th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave
The crowd shouted out ‘PCW!…PCW!…as the show began. ‘The Innovator of Extreme Broadcast Excellence’ Rush Limbaugh (R) walked out to one third cheers, one third boos, and the other just…ehhh.
Limbaugh knows that last week, he was pretty hard on Sandra Fluke, he was tough, and he made a mistake. It’s amazing, Limbaugh admits, that he made a mistake. He said some mean things about poor Sandra Fluke and probably pushed the limits of what he should have say. But Limbaugh says he went too far in calling her a ‘slut’ because he lowered himself…lowered himself to the Democrats level. He lowered himself to every dirty, underhanded and despicable thing the Democrats have ever done. And for that, he’s sorry.
Suave: Was that an apology?
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews Sandra Fluke. Fluke dismisss Limbaugh’s apology and says it doesn’t change anything.
Fluke: It is really important for us all to understand that this was not one person who went crazy and made ‘funny’ outrageous statements. This is evidently a segment of our political commentators who think that it is acceptable in today’s society to say these things about women.
Bill Maher, who has referred to Sarah Palin as a c***, then walked by with a briefcase filled with a million dollars. He asks which way to the pro-Obama super PAC.
Charlie Blackwell (AmHeart) goes to the ring with a microphone.
Blackwell: Here’s the thing. This isn’t about what Limbaugh said. This isn’t about standing up for women because if it was, the same group who are complaining about Rush would have gone ballistic over what Maher, and others have said about Palin, Christine O’Donnell etc. This is about scoring political points. This is about getting Rush. And at a time where gas is creeping up to $4 to $5 per gallon; at a time where our national debt is out of control; at a time where middle class Americans are struggling like hell to make ends meet, to pay their bills, to pay their mortgages, the fact that we’re talking about something a radio talk show host said is, frankly, offensive.
Blackwell is then attacked by Political Correctness: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) and Andy ‘The Bureaucrat’ Riley (D) Thomas-Taylor and Riley beat down Blackwell until Blackwell’s Les Miserables hit the ring and chase PC out.
Mitch Thomas- American Taxpayer vs. Big Oil (R) of Corporate Might w/Kirk Walstreit and Gordon Guyko
Big Oil in control with a back breaker. He signals for the Oklahoma Driller and lifts Thomas up! Big Oil signals for $5 dollars a gallon of gas and spikes Thomas. Then rolls him up for three.
WINNER: Big Oil @ 4:11
Post match, Guyko takes Thomas’s wallet and removes all the money from it. But then former PCW Champion Average Joe runs down with Charlie Blackwell’s Les Miserables and Corporate Might takes its leave.
Suave: Well? The oil companies are all but doing that to average Americans already…
PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism sits, bundled up in a blanket and with a thermometer sticking out of his mouth. Chism shivers and coughs. The doctor removes the thermometer.
Doctor: Perfectly normal. 98.6.
Chism can’t believe it. What about the intense intestinal discomfort he’s felt in the past week? Chism claims there has to be something wrong with him.
Replay- PCW Television TItle Match from last week’s PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN: Halitosis (I) vs. TV Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
Chism worked the Republicans in the crowd by telling them how much he hated conservatives. This was a good back and forth match until Valora Salinas ran to the ring. Chism took off to the men’s locker room and reportedly spent several minutes in the bathroom as Valora pounded on the locker room door.
Doctor: Yeah, Valora Salinas scares the crap out of you…literally.
Chism becomes enraged and clocks the Doctor. Then he kicks away at him before storming out the door.
Back in the ring
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins (D) has her own beef with PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I). KRC is pissed over Valora’s ‘unprovoked’ attack on her during the PCW Political Oscar show last Monday night. KRC says she wants Valora in the ring when a familiar face walks out…
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
The crowd roars as the red, white, and blue clad Miss USA, an old rival of KRC’s, climbs into the ring with KRC. Miss USA tells KRC that in her mind she might be the modern epitome of the American woman, but Miss USA has had a baby. And she’s back in PCW working helping her husband and family paying the bills. KRC tries to interrupt but Miss USA goes on.
Miss USA: It seems to me that the only choice you and your ilk support is choice that fits your agenda.
Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) runs out and demands Miss USA stop and says that this isn’t going to happen because this is her show and her women’s division. PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) grabs her mic and tells her she’s wrong.
KRC blindsides Miss USA and decks her. Then Code Pink and Emily List run out and they take turns kicking away at MIss USA. Then the crowd roars when…
’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) run down and even the odds. KRC, Code Pink, and List exit the ring and head to the back.
PBR (I) w/Chief
Kirk Walstreit (R) of Corporate Might w/Big Oil and Gordon Guyko
…Walstreit crawls to a pin. But Chief springboards himself forward and clotheslines Walstreit Big Oil in the ring. Swinging neckbreaker to Chief. Then he sends Chief over the top rope. High knee to PBR! Walstreit rolls PBR over and goes up top! Big Oil then drags PBR up and sets him in position. He’s calling for a top rope Stock Market Plunge! Yes! 1…2…3.
WINNER: Kirk Walstreit (R) @ 15:36
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism Promo
Chism, with the Skanky Rich Bimbettes Kim and Chloe, says he’s had it. He’s had it with all the jokes and all the bathroom humor. He’s had it with the insults and the sneak attacks. Chism says it’s great to be there- as the PCW Television champion. That’s right- the PCW Television Champion. The most dominant PCW Television champion ever. His honor has been besmirched, and now he’s going to do something about it. Then he calls out…Charlie Blackwell?
Suave: CHARLIE BLACKWELL?
The crowd chants ‘Valora…Valora’ as Blackwell, puzzled as all hell, walks out. He tells Chism he has no clue what he’s talking about but there’s someone backstage who does.
PCW’s Queen of Extreme, Valora Salinas (I) walks out. She gets a great reaction, and is carrying the steel pipe she debuted last night. Valora asks Chism “When did you become such a bitch?” and the crowd explodes. Chism goes nuts and screams “you can’t say that to me, I’m the One Man Hollywood A-List!” Chism challenges Valora to match tonight to settle this once and for all as the crowd chanted ‘Valora’s going to kill you.’
Suave sets up hour two…
-PCW Television Title Match: Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I)
-PCW Women’s Title Match: Kathryn Randall Collins (D) vs. Miss USA
-PCW Super Tuesday Spectacular Match:
A.Tom Bomb (R) representing Rick Santorum (R-PA)
‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Magnum PO’d (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX).
Suave: Back with hour 2.