The GOP’s Non Compos Mentis Nominee
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Suave recaps hour one:
–Rush Limbaugh‘s ‘apology’ to Sandra Fluke
–Miss USA‘s return to PCW
–PBR (I) w/Chief vs. Kirk Walstreit (R) of Corporate Might w/Big Oil and Gordon Guyko
-Valora Salinas goads PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ into defending his title tonight
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) Promo
Magnum is staring at Gingrich. He says, Tanaka, Texas Jack, A. Tom Bomb. The worst thing that anybody could say to you is that I am better than you. “I’m tired of it. I’m tired of listening to it. I’m tired of listening to people saying Newt and myself can’t get the job done.” Magnum is PO’d and tired of people calling Gingrich a failure.
Gingrich says he’s tired of people saying that he’s on the way out. That he shouldn’t have been in the race in the first place. That bothers Magnum. He says Gingrich is his friend and believes that Gingrich is the best candidate for PCW CEO. “I’ll bet my Ferrari on it.”
Robyn Masters walks in.
Masters: “That’s my Ferrari.”
MATCH #3- PCW Television Title Match
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) (c)
‘PCW’s Queen of Extreme’ Valora Salinas (I)
Valora gets on the mic before the match and tells Chism she doesn’t need him or anyone else to help her get ahead. She doesn’t need to go before the PCW Competition or Executive Committee like Sandra Fluke did and act like she’s entitled to #@#@.
Valora: I don’t need anyone when I’ve got myself.
…Chism is a bloody mess and Valora continues to beat him with a chair. Both Skanky Rich Bimbettes are in tears as Valora nails him again with a chair shot. Chism tries once again to head up the ramp to the back with the help of the SRB. But Valora throws Kim and Chloe off the steps and grabs Chism by the trunks. She flings him up and over the ring barricade. Valora jumps on the barricade with the chair and jumps down.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
Code Pink and Emily S. List race down the ramp. List spins Valora around. *GLITTER BOMB* Valora’s blinded and can’t see. Code Pink jumps on her back and puts Valora in the sleeper. Valora bends over and flips Code Pink off of her.
Peta from PETA (D) of the Green World Order runs down next. She has a bottle of chloroform and sticks a hankerchief over Valora’s face. That knocks her out. Code Pink and List help Chism back to the ring and the referee proceeds to count Valora out much to the disgust of the crowd.
Chism then goes off on a profanity-laced rant against Valora dropping all kinds of unflattering and sexist barbs at her.
Suave: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Isn’t this the same group who complained about Limbaugh? Where’s the righteous indignation?
Chism and the SRB leave the ring. He slaps Valora and then runs off when she begins to move.
WINNER AND STILL PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism via countout at 14:33
Suave is disgusted by what took place and blasts Chism.
Kirk Cameron Promo
Former Growing Pains teen star Kirk Cameron is in the ring with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein. The subject turns to homosexuality and Cameron says he thinks homosexuality is “unnatural and … detrimental and … ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization.”
This of course elicits differing reactions. Then Left Wing talk show host Mike Malloy comes out and he’s ready for a fight. Malloy mocks Christian tornado victims and taunts “their God keeps smashing them into little grease spots.”
*Def Leppard’s– “Tear It Down plays*
Suave: WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – I can’t wait another day
Tear it down – There’s got to be a better way
Tear it down – If only you could stay
All night long
WTF runs down and grabs Malloy by the throat. Lift. Chokeslam.
Crowd: WHAT THE #$##! WHAT THE @#$#!
The Extreme Equalizer then goes and gets a table and sets it up in the ring. He lifts Malloy a second time and powerbombs him through the table.
Suave: HOLY CRAP!
WTF looks at Cameron who doesn’t look like he know’s what to do. The Extreme Equalizer smiles at Cameron and then grabs him by the throat…lift…chokeslam.
Suave: If you believe in God, perhaps you should let him make judgments about gays instead of you.
MATCH #4- PCW Women’s Title Match
Kathryn Randall Collins (D) (c) vs. Miss USA
…Miss USA off the ropes…and right into a clothesline. KRC covers and hooks the leg. Davey Keels counts. …1 …2 Miss USA escapes again. Miss USA elbows KRC in the stomach. Again, Miss USA off the ropes…flying shoulder block and that sends KRC to the mat. Cover…1 …2 KRC escapes. The Women’s Champion gets back to her feet. KRC underhooks the arms…double underhook faceslam. She covers 1…2…NO! Shoulder up. Miss USA pokes her in the eyes. She’s up and trying to lift KRC for a suplex…but KRC reverses…she’s got Miss USA…EXPLODER SUPLEX! And that one hurt Miss USA. KRC drags Miss USA to the floor…AND HERE COMES CODE PINK AND EMILY S. LIST!
Suave: NOT AGAIN?
Code Pink Glitter Bombs Miss USA and she’s blinded. The crowd again unloads its displeasure. KRC drags Miss USA into the ring…lift…PERSONAL POLITICAL DESTRUCTION! KRC cover…1…2..3.
WINNER AND STILL PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D) @ 17:21
Code Pink and List continue to attack Miss USA after the bell. Once again, ’Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) make the save and even the odds. KRC, Code Pink, and List exit and head to the back.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
What other book features a parody of Les Miserables and Smokey and the Bandit in the same story? And it features a scene with PCW too!
A.Tom Bomb (R) representing Rick Santorum (R-PA)
‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (R)- Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Magnum PO’d (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Texas Jack (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)
…again, Magnum PO’d is an early elimination.
A-Bomb and Tanaka brawl on the outside. Tanaka clubs A-Bomb with a belt. Tanaka slams A-Bomb to the floor. Texas Jack stays in the ring. Tanaka throws A-Bomb back into the ring and covers A-Bomb. He miraculously kicks out at 2. Tanaka goes for a choke slam. Texas Jack decides to get in on the action by hitting Tanaka with a steel-folding chair. Tanaka gets dropped. Texas Jack goes after A-Bomb next. But A-Bomb moves and grabs the chair away. Chairshot to the back. Chairshot to the knee. Texas Jack tries to run- he gets a chairshot instead. A-Bomb channels his anger into an absolute dismantling of Texas Jack. A-Bomb bloodies Jack with a chairshot to the face. He lifts Texas Jack…ATOMIC POWERBOMB! Cover…1…2…3.
Eliminated: Texas Jack (R)
Tanaka sneaks up from behind and locks on the figure four leglock and leans back into it. A-Bomb, face registering intense pain, tries to hang on. A-Bomb finally taps out and is eliminated.
Winner: ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka @ 18:09
Mitt Romney hops in the ring and raises his arms in victory.